The very scary guy

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Mr bean.png   NSFW WARNING

This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations.
...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

Once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night. I was jacking off. It was 4 am. I'm unemployed, so what? Get off my case. After I was done jacking off, I was off to bed. I leaned back, put my head on the pillow, and reached for my peanut butter jar. It's part of my sleep ritual. I rub peanut butter on myself, so what? Get off my case. the peanut butter helps me sleep.

So anyway, I close my eyes and and I'm about to fall asleep when I start to hear a helicopter overhead. It was all like, UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFTFTFTFTFTftftftftfthhhhhhhhhhh...

and it got further away, and I thought to myself, just a regular helicopter. And then soon enough, the copter was back. Maybe a different copter, maybe the same one. So I look out the window and there's a helicopter shining its light on the neighborhood, and it shines its light on my face which is staring through the blinds of my window.

And then I hear this weird growl noise that sounds like a person making a growl noise. And I see him.

It was Norm MacDonald wearing a black leather jumpsuit like Edward Scissorhands or some shit. He knocked on my door and said in his voice, "Hey let me in." He wouldn't stop knocking. The helicopter landed on the street outside my house and someone jumped out of the helicopter and sprayed Mr. MacDonald with what I assume was either mace or febreze. The helicopter guy left after that. Norm MacDonald's head spun all the way around and he crawled around on the roof of my house on all fours. He died on my roof I think, and he has been up there since.


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