Timez Up!

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I always loved playin Supa Mario Bros. on mah NES when I was lil, dat shiznit was so funk ta git all up in all 8 ghettos n' save tha bizzatch over n' over again n' again n' again n' find all dem def glitches mah playas was rappin' about, it was spectacular. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Recently mah crew did a lil sprang cleanin round tha house. I went up ta clean up tha attic when, ta mah luck, I found a old, dusty box containin mah oldschool NES n' all dem cartridges fo' it, includin mah Supa Mario Bros. game.

I was so buckwild n' jumpin round as dis could done been a cold-ass lil chizzle ta relive mah lil' childhood years. I ran downstairs n' hooked up tha NES ta tha televizzle n' popped tha cartridge up in yo, but sadly it wouldn't turn on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I had a phat playa whoz ass was a skilled hacker n' shit. I handed tha oldschool cartridge ta his ass n' axed he make tha game work, soon enough his schmoooove ass came over n' gave tha cartridge back, it looked brand new. I popped tha cartridge up in a second time n' it booted on.

I was straight-up happy, though tha game was a lil' bit laggy at some points, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I dropped tha whole dizzle playin all up in tha game n' once I gots ta tha end n' saved tha bizzatch, I saw her text box n' remembered there was a second quest. I never straight-up played much of tha second quest as a kid but I was eager ta try it ta remember what tha fuck chizzled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When I moonwalked back ta tha main menu n' booted up tha game, there were significant chizzlez everywhere from what tha fuck I recall playin it as a kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da sky was straight-up black n' tha cloudz was a thugged-out dark grey, as if a thunderstorm was ta begin.

There was stomped Goombas pretty much everywhere, n' Pirahna Plants weren't comin outta certain pipes they probably come up of. I started struttin all up in Ghetto 1-1, which was changed up in tha way I busted lyrics about, n' then soon I noticed tha timer wasn't countin down, n' dat shiznit was frozen at 666 in-game seconds, even though da most thugged-out time you git up in a average level is 400 in-game seconds.

I continued struttin all up in tha ominous level, while a low-tone Supa Mario Bros. theme played up in tha background, it sounded almost sadistic. Once I gots ta tha end, I arrived at a straight-up big-ass castle, as if you completed Ghetto 1-3. I entered tha castle n' NOTHING was there, no enemies, no obstacles, I was just walkin all up in a empty castle, not ta mention a soft static sound was up in tha background instead of tha usual Castle theme.

Once I reached tha end, Bowser didn't show up, n' there was no axe/button ta drop up tha bridge with. I normally strutted tha fuck into tha area wit Toad up in it yo, but I could control Mario freely as tha pimpin' muthafucka talked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But instead of saying:

"Sorry, Mario yo, but our bizzatch is up in another castle!"

Dude holla'd, "Sorry, Mario yo, but you too late!"

Apparently there was mo' space ta tha right of tha screen, wit a lil' small-ass blood trail following. I strutted along tha bloody trail as tha trail of blood started gettin thicker n' thicker, n' tha static sound gots louder n' louder n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soon I gots ta tha end, n' there was Peach, lyin down, like dat biiiiatch was dead as fuckin fried chicken.

I couldn't control Mario no mo', n' I just sat there watchin fo' nuff muthafuckin minutes until a text box rocked up next ta Peach saying, "Why didn't you save me son?"

Da screen instantly cut ta black n' a funky-ass bangin screech came up tha TV speakers.

I ran towardz tha oldschool NES n' powered it off. I was exhausted, n' mah playas up in tha doggy den was already asleep. Dat shiznit was straight-up late at night, so I laid tha game down n' gots some rest. I raised up at bout 7:30 up in tha mornin ta tha Supa Mario Bros. theme all dem rooms away, which was weird since no one was home dat mornin n' tha NES wasn't on yo, but I did remember leavin tha cartridge up in tha NES.

I strutted downstairs tha fuck into tha livin room n' ta mah complete n' utter surprise tha game was playin n' Mario was struttin all up in a aiiight Ghetto 1-1 all by itself. There was no one home n' a cold-ass lil controlla wasn't plugged in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I just sat on tha couch n' peeped tha game play itself, like I was watchin a TV show or a porno.

Eventually, Mario reached tha end of Ghetto 1-2 yo, but instead of struttin all up in tha aiiight exit pipe or jumpin up tha fuck into tha warp unit, da perved-out muthafucka socked tha 2nd n' 3rd bricks from tha edge of tha top of tha aiiight exit pipe n' jumped tha fuck into tha top of tha pipe, glitchin all up in it n' goin down tha Ghetto 4-1 Warp Pipe yo, but he rocked up in a level titled:

"Ghetto -1"

I ran over ta tha study n' looked it up on tha computer n' found there was a place known as tha Minus Ghetto up in which is reached rockin tha glitch Mario performed, n' it aint nuthin but a repetitizzle gin n juice level, never-ending. Mario, all alone, swam all up in tha level over n' over again, n' each time Mario entered tha beginnin of tha level, he looked olda n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soon enough, he entered tha level again n' again n' again n' died. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Again, tha screen cut ta black n' displayed a screechin sound n' a text box saying:

"Yo ass can't protect mah playas, not even yo ass."

I never played dat game AGAIN.


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