Timmy
I was hiking through the woods one day. In the merry, merry month of December. I found a clearing and decided to pitch my tent for the day. I glanced at my electronic watch and saw through the lenses of my eyes that I still had a good 4 hours of daylight left. I unpacked my fishing gear, which consisted of a hand cast reel and some badger food for bait, and headed towards where I thought the river must be.
I chanced upon a stork standing on one leg, which reminded me of margarine. I thought back to the time Stork Margarine had a mail-in competition "Why do you like Stork Margarine?" and then you had to fill it in. I wrote "I like Stork Margarine because... I've enclosed a fiver". But then I forgot to actually enclose the fiver when I mailed it and some git won it by writing "I like Stork Margarine because... I only have one leg". Clever bastard.
But I digest. I arrived at the river, which was maybe five pounds thick at the stalk; perfect for fishing. I put on some badger food on the end of the hook and flung thine hand caster thither unto pond rivulet waters. I had not had any bites, so I dosed off to a light sleep perched on a nearby branch of ash.
It was dusk when I awoke with a start. I gathered up my clever fishing gear and ambulated back to camp. It was right dark by the time I arrived and I decided to cook some dinner, which consisted of the fish I caught back at the lake.
After dinner I cracked open a bottle of spiced rum and sat down in my camp chair, flirting with the idea of a Cossack in tights and just staring up at the stars, which were many and bright.
That is when I saw a star moving, not like a satellite, but weaving side to side and making crazy modifications in its velocity trajectories. It was an alien UFO space ship. It became brighter and bigger. It was moving towards me, I was sure.
I stood up, dropping the beer I was drinking. It seemed to land somewhere near the lake I was at before, so I got my fleshlight and headed in that general erection. I picked up speed as I was nearing the rivulet. There it was! An actual UFO! Weirdly, it was shaped like one would imagine. A flying saucer. I heard a twig click behind me. There was something in the bushes. I spun around and pointed my lantern at the rose bush. Out came a being what I can only describe as a Timmy.
The Timmy-looking alien had in its tiny little hands a bottle of spiced rum. My bottle of spiced rum! It brought forth a pair of drinking vessels and, setting them down on the ground, filled both to the brim. The Timmy-like alien handed one to me and took the other and gobbled it down in one spiky punch, reminding me of a Tiki bar I once went to.
Not knowing what else to do I followed suit. I am writing this now from orbit. I can see the Earth far below. The stars look very different tonight...
Credited to Ya-Dikobraz
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