Today I Met Brandon Fraser
Having been abandoned by everyone I knew, I set out to a remote town called Bollcksinyue, a kind of dating town for single men. What got me was that it was full of things that I thought had closed down. I got on the phone to an old freind at once.
"Hey man, You remember that kinda ok video store that people have loads of nostalgia for even though CEX is basically it but better and still around?"
"Uh you mean-"
"Yeah! There's a Cockthrusters! A Cockthrusters right here in this town! And I just saw Brandon Fraser going in!"
"You mean Blockbusters? And who's Brandon Fraser?"
"Yeah Blockbusters, sure. But you're telling me you don't know Brandon Fraser? Star of National Treasure, Family Guy and this is England?"
"Man I think you got mixed up somewhere or made a typo, maybe you're thinking of-" But in my excitement at seeing Brandon Fraser I had already hung up and rushed toward Brandon in my excitement.
"Brandon! Brandon! I just love your work! Why have you been denied to us all these years? Will you zoom all my buddies with me?"
Brandon Fraser looked a little bit older than I remembered, and was mostly bald. He mostly looked puzzled.
"I never knew Girl from Iceland had such a devoted fanbase. But if you want, sure."
Soon enough I had Brandon Fraser on video chat. My friends failed to be suitably impressed.
"Cmon, haven't you guys even heard of Brandon Fraser? He lives in my town!"
"Man I think you got mixed up somewhere. Nobody ever heard of Brandon Fraser. Maybe you're thinking of Brenden Fraser? He's having a comeback after a few years of therapy. Got a new HBO series. From Imdb all I can find is one film for Brandon Fraser." Brandon Fraser let out a low, guttural grow.
"All my life have I lived in that whelp's shadow! For one fleeting moment I thought I had a fan at last, but now you mock me like this?"
"Oh.... Sorry man. I really thought you were Brandon Fraser. Are you Brandon Stark then, from Game of Thrones? Or Frasier from Cheers?"
Brandon Fraser threw back his head and let out an inhuman scream, accompanied by a beam of black light from his mouth, tearing through the ceiling and causing a shadow to envelop Bollcksinyue. Soon enough, Private Fraser from Dad's army appeared in front of me.
"You've doomed us all, Dooomed us! This town was the last refuge of the lesser Frasers! The only person who'll report on our fate is Fraser Nelson, and that's only if he survives this terror you've unleashed upon us you daft yank!" With that Brandon Fraser transformed into a giant made of hate and smashed Private Fraser into the ground. I ran for cover in the only building still standing, Cockthrusters video store and saw a copy of George of the Jungle.
"Ohhh.... Brenden Fraser sure I know that guy." Before the heat of Brandon Fraser's offended honour consumed us all.
Credited to scannerofcrap
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