Tony's BIG Flush

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Allow me to take you on a journey. One consisting of many adventures, moments full of serotonin, and ultimately, a heartbreaking ending. His name was Tony. He was full of shit. Each day, he took a minimum of eight shits a day. It was hard on him. He also worked a job that was short staffed at the time, so most days were spent working alone. If he were to walk away to shit at work, he would get in trouble for leaving customers waiting. Tony hated this, he also hated the fact that he woke up to the feeling of having to shit. He would take a shower after, only to shit again. As he walked out the door for work, he felt the turd inside of him creeping out his ass, but challenging as it was, he would wait, suck it up, mentally and physically, and work all day without taking a shit. When he would return home, after eight long hours at work, he would go straight to the toilet, and take a total of two whole shits. This process took approximately forty nine minutes. He would then go to watch TV, only to have to shit again. As he went to bed, three separate times during the night he was awoken by either a nightmare of having to shit, or the feeling of the turd creeping out his ass. This sucked for Tony.

This day was different though. See, he woke up this day, without that feeling. He took his shower, yet did not shit. As he walked out the door, that feeling still had yet to hit. What was to come was terrifying. No shits all day only meant one thing, but Tony had yet to realize what was coming. As he walked into work, his stomach rumbled. It sounded something like a freight train crashing into a skyscraper, or perhaps a T-Rex roaring louder than any before. Tony heard it, but looked past it. He began to serve the customers, each one taking up the time, then, a rush hit. The rush lasted approximately six out of the seven hours that remained on his shift. It was at the exact moment the rush ended, that the feeling hit. It felt like a boulder had dropped nine hundred feet! It felt like one hundred rhinoceros was slowly pushing towards his asshole! He knew this was the day he HAD to go at work. This was the day he would get in trouble. As he rushed to the bathroom, he felt the head of it approaching swiftly. It was coming! He threw open the bathroom door, and immediately ripped off his pants, like literally ripped his jeans taking them off so fast. As they came off, he went to pull off his boxers, only to find the head of this turd had broken off, and had planted itself in his boxers! He took them off, only for another piece of the turd to fall onto the floor. He stepped on it, slipping to the floor, all the while shit was spraying around him. He failed to stand multiple times due to slipping in more shit. He was covered in it. Finally, he reached the toilet, and planted his ass on it.

He grunted, squeezed, and pushed more intensely than he had ever done before. He felt as if he went super saiyan, reaching maximal powers with how hard he pushed this shit out. His ass sprayed the toilet, leaving no white marks in it. He then reached the end of this shit. He took upon the toilet paper to wipe, only to realize there was none. He was in one hell of a pickle here. He stood up, and went to flush. As he pressed the handle down, the turds began to spin in circles. He watched as they spun, but did not go down. He attempted to flush again, only for the turds to float higher. They came closer and closer to the top of the bowl, until they came out. That shitty water, those gigantic turds, all over the floor. He was fucked.

He tried to clean up, since he already had shit all over him, he tried to pick the turds up and put them in the sink to flow water over them until they crumbled enough to go down the drain. This plan failed as well, leaving shit all over the sink. He then went to just wash his hands and give up, only to realize it was all over his legs too. He thought he could just put his pants back on to cover it up, but forgot that literally ripped the fucking jeans! They were no longer wearable. He was left with no other option other than to concede and run. He had to get the fuck out of work. He was unsure if he should let his boss know of this unfortunate event, or just leave. He was stuck in this dilemma. He was lost, panicking, scared, alone, until... There was a knock on the bathroom door. “It's occupied,” he yelped at whomever it may be. The response was sinister, cold, straight forward, and quite possibly the darkest thing imaginable.

“There's water on the floor out here, is everything ok?” The voice was one he had not heard yet. It had to be a customer. The realization hit, there were probably people waiting in the line, now people lined about the bathroom door. There was no escape! He made up his mind. He was to run. Faster than Usain Bolt in a dash, than Michael Phelps in a swim contest, and faster than the fucking Flash himself!

He opened the bathroom door, and as he did, he made direct eye contact with the person waiting at the door. The random man's jaw dropped, he looked at him in awe for a moment, and Tony froze looking back. The man slowly closed his jaw, then reopened it to throw the fuck up. Now Tony was covered in shit and vomit. He unfroze and began to dart for the exit. As he approached the doors, he turned to the side to see a line consisting of five customers. All of which simultaneously threw up. They could not understand how one man could be covered in so much shit, not only shit, but vomit as well. It was awful. He began to cry from the humiliation.

He made it to the exit, and as he opened the door, two police officers were standing there. The police officers took one good look at him, and had mistaken him for an alien with the amount of shit and vomit that was all over him. With the way he was sprinting at the door, they took him for a robber alien. They drew the guns from their belts, and pulled the trigger, firing twenty three shots into his body, leaving Tony dead.

When his body reached the facility to be examined, the examiners noted that he smelt as if he had been dead for days, they took wipes to wipe away some of the blood. As they wiped the blood, the shit came off with it. They then realized what we knew. It was shit that made him black. They zipped his body bag up, threw up, and casted his body into the oven. That smell was so fucking horrid, sight so fucking miserable, that they had to burn the body and forget about these events. What none of us saw coming though, is these events lead Tony to being patient zero for COVID-19. He had infected the entire United States of America in the blink of an eye, and the President refused to own the fact that a combination of shit and vomit caused COVID, so he blamed China for causing such a mess. Till this day, we are still haunted by the ghost of Tony and his shit with COVID. It kills many a day, and sickens more. The good news at the end of the day though, is the fact that we have a vaccine to combat it.

Get vaccinated bitches!


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