Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol 1.

The Bloody Painter vs The Toppler

The Toppler, in need of money, joined up with Ofsted because being an Ofsted inspector requires about as much effort as buying milk from the corner shop. On Halloween, he was a bit annoyed because he had to go and inspect a rather odd high school. What made it odd, you don't ask? Well, not only was there unprotected access to the roof, but it for some reason had dorms. Also, a student had managed to die there. The Toppler felt a sense of pride, despite the fact that he was only doing this job for easy money, because this would be the first bust of a school Ofsted had ever done. He decided to snoop around, since all the students were at a party. It wasn't even a Halloween party, which was rather silly even to the stereotypically stupid Toppler. Suddenly, he felt a slight tickling sensation on his chest and looked down. He found a bent knife on him, and a blood stained 14 year old holding it with a look of intense terror on his face. The knife had bent because no-one kills the Toppler. "Did you do this?" said the Toppler calmly.

"Well, yeah." replied the boy.

"Why?" responded the Toppler. "Actually, better question - why did you confess?"

"Because it makes me into a badass. Also, I am slightly unhinged after I forcibly drove myself slightly mad to make myself look cooler."

"Well, that doesn't make you cool or badass, does it?" said the Toppler. "It just makes you an asshole!"

"No-one calls Helen Unrevealedsurname an asshole!" cried the boy.

With that, the Toppler laughed like he was being tickled by a thousand nuclear explosions, which was possible since no-one blows up the Toppler. "Stop laughing!" yelled Helen. The Toppler responded by punching Helen in the face, shattering his skull and killing him instantly. "Whoops," said the Toppler. Then he noticed a tiny, barely noticeable cut on his fist. It appeared that Helen was so edgy, he could cut even the nigh-invulnerable Toppler's skin. Doing the world more favours, he beat up Helen's corpse to rid the world of such an insufferable creature.
The next day, Ofsted had successfully shut down the school, and there was much rejoicing. Besides, Helen (or The Bloody Painter, as his emo creator had presumably called him) had murdered most of the student body, so there wasn't much point in keeping the place open anyway.

Jane the Killer vs The Toppler

After the incident with Helen (snort), everything else the Toppler did at Ofsted was just boring. Even the school full of shape-shifting bat people. So, he resigned and got a job at easy jet as the steward. On one particular flight to Arkansas, a woman asked him for peanuts. When he enquired as to what flavour, the woman, Jane, responded with "Jeff's tears."

"Who the hell is Jeff?" said the Toppler.

"Why, Jeff The killer, of course!" responded Jane.

"I'm pretty sure he lost the ability to cry ages ago, anyway," replied the Toppler, calmly.

"Look, pal," said Jane, pulling out a knife. "Give me the damn peanuts!"

"Well, aren't you the badass, Mary sue?" said the Toppler mockingly. With that, Jane attempted to stab the Toppler in the heart. However, the knife bent against the Toppler's skin, since nobody kills the Toppler! So she pulled out her phone and began reading her origin story. The Toppler recoiled in terror. "Agh!" he cried. "It's so awful!"

"Aha!" yelled Jane. "I have you now!"

However, to say that, she had stopped reading, giving the Toppler the opportunity to grab Jane by the head, and he dragged her to the door. He opened it and chucked Jane out of the plane, to be saved by her plot shielding.

"Sorry about that, folks," said the Toppler as he turned to the passengers. "Anyone want any peanuts?"

Eyeless Jack vs The Toppler

After his battle with Jane the Killer, the Toppler got fired from easyjet. This meant he had to go seek employment, since beating up people nobody likes doesn't exactly pay the gas bill. However, since the employment system is complete bollocks, the only place he could find employment was at Ben and Jerry's, but at least he got free ice cream. One day, a man wearing a hoodie came to the till. He was facing backwards, for some odd reason. "Err... I'm over here, mate," said the Toppler.

"Oh, right," said the man, who spun around revealing the blue mask he was wearing. "Hmmm... I'll have a kidney flavoured ice cream, please."

"What?" said the Toppler, confused by the man's asking for this non existent flavour.

"I said a kidney flavoured ice cream!" repeated the man.

"Well, err... no," said the Toppler. "That flavour doesn't exist."

The man grew cross. "No-one refuses eyeless Jack!" he cried. And with that, he swung his knife and embedded it deep within a table.

"Don't know what I was expecting from a bloke with no eyes," muttered the Toppler, as he jumped over the counter and started bashing Eyeless Jack's head in with an ice cream scoop. Eyeless Jack started to cut into the Toppler's stomach, but he couldn't since nobody eats the Toppler! "Bugger," said Eyeless Jack, as the Toppler stuffed him into every ice cream tub that was on the counter. After Jack puked up 17 and a half kidneys, the Toppler chucked him into the moon, where he quickly suffocated. Just then, the manager came in.

"You're fired!" he said to the Toppler.

Laughing Jack vs The Toppler

One day, the Toppler was sat at home, doing absolutely nothing at all, because the author was too lazy to come up with anything. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was Postman Plot, and he was a carrying a rather large box, addressed to the Toppler.

"Oh, that's a nice surprise," said the Toppler. "Who's it from?"

"How the hell should I know?" replied the postman. "I just deliver the post, you... hang on. You stereotypically stupid individual!"

Well, that was rude, thought the Toppler as  he carried the box inside.

"Hey! Are you just gonna leave me here?" yelled Postman Plot.

"Right, sorry," apologised the Toppler, shutting the door. He opened the box, expecting an Xbox or something like that. However, instead, out popped the most emo looking thing the Toppler had ever seen in his life. It looked a clown if it had listened to too much MCR. "Oh, bother," said the emo-clown thingy. "Wrong house."

"Yeah, I thought as much," calmly said the Toppler. "Hot topic is that way."

"Do not mock me!" yelled the creature. "I am Laughing Jack, a powerful cosmic entity who forgot his original purpose because he was locked in a box for 10 years, and also because his owner went to boarding school and that somehow turned him into cockney Ed Geins!"

"Cosmic entity, huh?" said the Toppler. "What are you? God of emo?"

With that, Laughing Jack leaped at the Toppler like sheev. He tried to rip the Toppler's heart out, but he couldn't because nobody brutally mutilates the Toppler! The Toppler wasted no time, so he ripped Jack's ridiculous nose off and stabbed him with it 37 times. While getting stabbed 37 times traditionally kills people, Laughing Jack is a creepypasta character and therefore intensely overpowered, so he just felt a bit sore. Well, he was also missing his nose and had a hole in his chest, but this isn't really what you came to read about. The Toppler picked up Jack, carried him outside, and drop-kicked him all the way to London, where he landed in the Thames and drowned. And everything was lovely once again. Wonderful.

Negative Mickey vs The Toppler

One day, the Toppler decided to go on vacation for some peace and quiet. So, to make absolutely sure no-one would bother him, he went to the abandoned theme park, Mowgli's palace. Besides, it's not like anyone would stop him; he is the Toppler, after all. So, off he went. He beat up snakes and ate them for tea the night he arrived, and then he went to investigate the titular palace. Within, he came across a room full of costumes. The Toppler picked up a Donald duck mask in order to put it on, but a skull fell out of it. Thus, he ate the mask in anger. It was then he noticed a negative Mickey Mouse costume. Looks like Disney's been outsourcing to poundland, thought the Toppler. The suit lifted its head off, spraying what seemed to be yellow blood everywhere, though on closer inspection it turned out to be chicken korma. "You've just ruined my jockstrap!" roared the Toppler, charging at the creature. He shoved its head back on, and then slammed it along every last shelf. Then he picked up a snake and rammed it down the creature's throat, causing it to explode and spray chicken korma everywhere. "Next year," proclaimed the Toppler, "I'm going to Portugal!"

Jeff the Killer vs The Toppler

The Toppler was walking to costcutter for some milk. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his shoulder and he wheeled round to see what looked like a cross of the joker and a deformed fish. "Calm down, mate," said the fish person in a weird old voice as the Toppler raised his mighty fist. "I'd like to talk to you. Are you the bloke who chucked Jane out of a plane?"

"Well, yeah," replied the Toppler, not being suspicious due to his stereotypical stupidity. "Why do you ask?"

"You've been building up quite a reputation for yourself in the underworld. I like your style, pal!" said the fish-bloke, slapping the Toppler's tungsten back. "How'd you like to come work with me?"

The Toppler thought for a moment. "Maybe," he said. "Who are you, anyway?"

"My name's Jeff," said the fish-person. "Jeff the Killer."

"Jeff the Killer?" shouted the Toppler. "Not on your wasted life, mate!"

"So be it," said Jeff. "Well, time for you to GO TO KIP!"

With that, Jeff lunged at the Toppler, but found himself on the receiving end of a clothesline. However, instead of dying or at the very least screaming in pain, Jeff just started laughing. "Shut up!" yelled the Toppler, punching Jeff's fish-face 85804 times. But Jeff continued to laugh. "What's going on?" said the Toppler.

"Ahahaha!" laughed Jeff. "You'll never destroy my plot armour. It's strong enough to stop even your mighty blows." Desperately, the Toppler pulled out the necronomicon and started reading it. All the evils of hell rained down upon Jeff, but he came out without a scratch! With that, Jeff pulled out a strange knife. "This thing's made out of the same stuff as my plot armour," he chuckled. "Well then, off you go to kip!" Laughing maniacally, he raised the knife (which for some reason was serrated) above the Toppler, but the Toppler grabbed it and thrust it right into Jeff's face. "Noooooooooooo!" screamed Jeff, as he exploded, sending filth flying everywhere. The evil of Jeff the Killer was ended forever, or at least until the fangirls managed to resurrect him. With that, the Toppler walked off. "I should probably return this necronomicon now," he said, and that day became a global holiday celebrating Jeff's destruction.

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