Trolling Bad or TrollFAMOUS

Hi, my name's Cool McGrope and I'm a troll. Once upon a time, I dropped out of college and became a bike courier, mostly just to piss off my parents. I would deliver packages to folks you'd never meet until one day, the package found me.

*huge explosion*

Long story short, the explosion made my life better because I got super powers and ruined everybody else's. Mostly because while they and their families were being torn apart from the explosion that the troll sphere (the exploding package) caused. It was pretty neat at first, but then other trolls started showing up with powers like mine. My own best friend even betrayed me to get powers of his own.

Then, I killed myself from the future after he tried to kill me which I don't understand because then he would die and he needed me alive so that I could kill the EVIL PATRIXXX. That being why he killed my girlfriend so that I wouldn't be held back by my emotions because in the alternate future in which she's still alive, I ended up protecting my own family and leaving the rest of the world to go to the trolls. Apparently, future me is a dumb ass so I decided to go back to college. The problem, though, was that all the colleges were destroyed, so I went to Louisiana to try to get into another college but the local trollitia was blowing them all up. Then, of course, there were the swamp monsters. At one point, a guy gave me a stone slab called the TFI (Troll Field Inhibitor) before he exploded, but it turned out that the TFI belonged to king Rameses and he tried to kill me because he was a troll with powers too, but he couldn't kill me because I was too Cool for him and killed him.

I tried using the TFI to kill EVIL PATRIXXX, but I wasn't ready because I didn't absorb enough troll cores, so I went around collecting them and when I got them all, I tried to use the TFI but it almost killed me. It was then that EVIL PATRIXXX told me that he couldn't be killed anyway, so I decided to team up with him and take over the world for the trolls. After doing that, I finally went back to college and got my doctorate. Thusly, I am now Dr. McGrope and I'm going to start my own electronics company because, let's face it, with a college education it was either that or working at McDonald's. I called it "Cool McG's Electronics" which would be referenced in TrollFAMOUS: Second Troll--the shittiest video game sequel in history (Author's note: I am implying that Infamous: Second Son, to quote Zeke from the first Infamous game, "sucks donkey balls".)

Three years later, I was diagnosed with type 3 diabetes, which was only known to the people of Louisiana, because I ate too much cajun food and it almost killed me. As a result of this, I started selling drugs so that I could financially secure my crazy wife and her swamp monster children for when I died. Ironically, it wasn't even the diabetes that killed me because I had already cured it by moving back to New York and never eating cajun food again, but I died from being shot once. Pretty fucking stupid, but Breaking Bad ended that way, ladies and gentlemen.

And so that ends the legend of Dr. Cool McGrope. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got food poisoning from a New York-style hot dog and am about to start volcanoing toxic sludge out of both ends.

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