Veggietales: The Ballad of Little Joe VHS

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I honestly don't know how to begin. It was such a unsettling experience that thinking about it gives me the creeps. A few months ago in the smack dab middle of my Thanksgiving Break, I suddenly had a craving for A Veggietales Marathon. As a kid I loved watching Veggietales. I even had all the DVD's and VHS tapes!

I realized I hadn't seen The Ballad of Little Joe in a very long time, so I took to eBay and searched for a DVD. I just could not for the life of me find a Little Joe DVD so I searched for the VHS tape. I eventually found it. It was listed as: ORIGINAL 2003 VEGGIETALES THE BALLAD OF LITTLE JOE VHS (RARE EDITION). I didn't know what "Rare Edition" meant so I bought it hesitantly. A few weeks later I finally received the tape. It looked like the cover was just a cardboard box that someone had pasted google images onto. For a second I was mad that I had just been scammed out of 15 bucks. "With eBay you can buy a PlayStation for 500 dollars and get a gravel filled box." I looked inside and sure enough, there was a tape inside. I popped it into my VCR "Courtesy of the 90's", and pressed play.

The opening part began to play, where Bob was talking to Larry and there was a white screen with the credits. The tape started to slow down and went to a black screen so I punched the VCR and it began to play. Although the tape was from 2003, it played the theme song visuals from 1998. The episode began normally, with Bob and Larry received a letter from a child. The letter was from a boy named Pete that read: "Dear Bob and Larry, I'm depressed! All my friends are in Mrs. Peterson's class, but I got stuck in Mr. Shubert's class. If God loves me, why do bad things happen? Your friend, Pete." Bob then tells Pete that he knows of a Bible story that can help a lot, but Larry quickly stops him, telling him that he thought that they were going to do a western.

Bob is confused, before Larry tells him that promised that they'd do one, right before Larry went to Cowboy Camp. Bob then tells Larry that what Pete needs is a Bible story, but Larry tells Bob that he promised, which Bob is still confused. Because of that, an argument ensues between Bob and Larry about whether to tell a bible or a western story. They eventually settled and Bob then explains that after a bit of discussion, they've decided that what Pete needs is a western bible story, which Larry is happy to hear.

The story begins as usual, where Bob narrates that a long time ago, way out in the West somewhere, there lived a group of cowboy brothers on a ranch known as the Okie-Dokie corral. Joseph's pea brothers are jealous of him because he got a fancy new coat and had a dream about him being the ruler of them. They brought him to an abandoned mineshaft and threw him in. Then, the episode took a darker, more disturbing turn for the worse. Instead of the desperadoes buying him like in the normal episode, They throw a chain at him that impales him. Blood splatters everywhere and they lift him up and carry him away. I was disturbed by this as it wasn't in the original episode and Veggietales would never show blood and gore to young kids, their target audience.

The desperadoes then threw him into a pot of boiling water, and he screamed in pain for a few minutes. The episode then cut to Silly Songs With Larry, but instead of the silly song playing, the screen cut to black and the sound of a woman weeping bitterly started playing. After a few minutes, the screen cut back to the usual "And that has been Silly Songs With Larry." The story began again and this time, The desperadoes were now French peas dressed as Roman Solders, and Larry was wearing a crown made of thorns. It looked as if it was a story about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. This was confusing because Phil Vischer's Mother had made him promise to never portray Jesus Christ as a Vegetable.

The peas taunted him and whipped him, leaving visible whip marks and blood. They were marching towards what appeared to be a tall pole. The used the pole like a kabob skewer and impaled him with it, covering everything in blood. His eyes were now bloodshot red, and his mouth was foaming. His eyed suddenly disappeared and left solstice black holes, oozing with black blood. I was seriously disturbed now, and I wanted to turn of the VCR, but I wanted to see the end. The screen cut to black for a few minutes, and I thought it was the end, but a faint sound of women weeping, like the one that played during the silly song, started to get louder and louder and then, a voice boomed: "WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED, THE ONLY WAY OUT OF YOUR HELL IS DEATH". It sounded like my TV speakers were cranked up to 100%, but they were only at 10%.

The story ended, and Bob and Larry were standing on the countertop, but with somber and depressed expressions. For some reason there was a blender on the countertop, something that was not in usual countertop scenes. Bob said, as usual: "Let's talk about what we learned today." He went to QWERTY and instead of showing a bible verse, the computer showed a video. The video was a video call from Pete, the same boy that had sent the letter at the beginning of the episode. In the Video, he was crying while he said: "My mother died in a car crash tonight. I can never get over it. Then, he picked up a gun and shot himself. The video ended. Bob and Larry were so sad, that they both started crying, something that neither of them had ever done before. Bob said in a ghastly depressing voice, "That's the show kids." But Larry did not chime in with his usual cheerful "Bye!" Instead he leaped off the countertop and splattered on the floor.

Unusually, the camera panned onto the floor and showed Larry's green splattered remains. Bob was horrified, so he said "God Made you Special, and He loves you very much.", in a terribly ghastly voice I will never forget, and he then turned on the blender and jumped in. Tomato juice and chunks splattered all over the countertop and walls, and the episode ended. No credits. No anything. I sat there for a few minutes, horrified.

A few days later I sent a email to Big Idea describing the tape. They replied with:

To: Whom it Concerns

From: Big Idea

And To: Whom it Concerns

Subject: Disturbing VeggieTales 2003 The Ballad of Little Joe VHS

We are sorry, we have never made anything as disturbing or demented as you have described for us. But we understand your worry, so we think you should get rid of it and anything else that might worry you.

And Remember, God Made You Special And Loves You Very Much.

I took their advice and threw away not only the tape, but all my old Veggietales DVD's and Tapes, and even my Larryboy Plushie.

It's been a few months and I just am speechless. I told my dad and my brother, but they don't believe me. I drove to nearby Franklin Mountains State Park in my home state of Texas, and I stood on the edge of a steep cliff. I looked down and said "Remember, God Made You Special And Loves You Very Much."



Credited to Wowlookatthatpoop

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