Virtual Boy Wario Land II: Repercussions of Evil

Yesterday I went to my local Play'n'Trade and saw a pristine condition Virtual Boy, along with, according to the clerk, a rare proto known as "Virtual Boy Wario Land EXTREME". There mya have been rumoured Virtual Boy-induced fatalities in the US recently, but still, it's a collector item.

And I'm not that much of a Wario fan, but I had to get the game in memory of my brother since he was a Wario fan. He killed himself by choking on a large garlic after Game & Wario's NPD sales number came in. He was a true Wario patriot.

I booted the game and it went straightly to a strange scene. It was Wario's sprite on a black background but he wouldn't move no matter how much I pressed the d-pad, and the sprite looked off, almost as if he was... crying? After three minutes, Wario began to speak with surprising clarity for a cartridge-based system.

"I must atone for my sins... WAH!"

Wario then began walking right for exactly 9.30 minutes. He went into a wood cabin, where there was a rope attached to the roof. He hung himself, but not before letting an ear-piercing "WAH!"

Shocked at the sight, I vomited profusely for 6 minutes. I tried to turn the Virtual Boy off, but it wouldn't turn off... I heard a voice emanating from the system:

"I am the spirit of Gunpei Yokoi. For the crimes Nintendo committed against me, I want revenge".

Not to be outdone by the satanic spirit of Yokoi-San, I charged into battle with my trusty katana...

To be continued?

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