Vladimir Putin and Ivan Drago the Machoke

I have to relay this story to the world...

Time is short, and Armageddon is upon us...

I have surmised that Vladimir Putin's favorite Pokemon would most likely be Machoke.

This comparison and pairing is one that could have been made in heaven. In your mind, picture Putin hugging a burly Machoke while he sleeps. That is the symbol of their partnership and affection. They are Trainer and Companion. They love each other so much.

This is the story of how they first met. It is predicted that he would have found this Machoke that he names Ivan Drago in the freezing expanses of Siberia, while he was hunting great bears with only a musket and a flask of Vodka. Luckily, when he was out hunting, he would have brought along a healthy supply of Pokeballs and rocks throw if he were to find a Pokemon upon chance. Putin would have a whole array of Pokeballs at the Kremlin on display. Great Balls, Ultra Balls, Net Balls, Nest Balls, Premier Balls, Dark Balls, Quick Balls, Timer Balls; just about every kind of Pokeball you can imagine. (He also used to have a Master Ball, but he suspected that the bitch that ran Du du Deutchland stole it when she last came to suck off his dick. He was always suspicious of her, but gosh darn, she did give a fine blow!) He also had copies of gym-badges from all around the Pokemon regions, and he proudly displayed all of this. After hours of exploring, he finally happened upon a wild and vicious creature while crawling through some tall, frost-bitten grass.

Could it be a wild Ursaring? A carnivorous Beartic? No. It was a normal, hostile bear. He got ready to attack, but something else happened. Putin heard the mystifying melody of gruffness, a Pokemon's voice! "MAAA-CHOKE!" it roared. Out of nowhere, a huge, purple fist punched the bear away, sending it flying through the air and into the horizon, much like how Team Rocket in the Pokemon Anime would "Blast-off". It disappeared into the horizon with a twinkle, and a final roar- which Putin thought was saying: "I'm blasting off again!" Putin looked to his savior- a hulking, purple beast of a Pokemon- Machoke. Once it was done posing, the Machoke looked to Vladimir, and closed its eyes.

The beast kneeled down next to Putin, and enclosed him in a loving embrace- as if it was a parent protecting its child. Putin was surprised by the wild-beast's affection and reluctantly returned the expression of comfort and gratitude. They pulled away from each other, as a blizzard started to roll in. Putin looked into the Machoke's eyes and saw an immense amount of humanity in them. A chill crawled up Putin's spine, as he reached inside of his backpack for one of the Pokeballs he had brought along with him. In fact, he was surprised to see a living Pokemon this far out in Siberia, as most of them would get sick and die from the extremely cold temperatures.

Putin gulped, and held out the Pokeball in front of the Machoke. The ball's red capture beam engulfed the Machoke with its light, and the Pokemon was instantaneously drawn inside. Sweat dropped down Putin's nose (which was strange because it was freezing) as the ball rocked back and forth, determining if this Pokemon could be captured. Один! Два! Три! (One, Two, Three!) The Pokeball stopped glowing and rocking. Putin had caught the Machoke! For one of the few times in his life, Putin actually felt like crying! That day had to have been one of the happiest days of his entire life! He picked up the Pokeball, and pocketed it. He made his way back to his helicopter, which took him back to Moscow.

Once he was back in Moscow, Putin clapped his hands for five minutes, and ran like an excited child back to the Kremlin. He immediately took out the Pokeball containing Machoke. He leisurely tossed the ball into the air, causing Machoke to be sent out. "MACHOKE!" it roared. It was happy to be with Putin. Putin looked up at the creature, and decided upon a name for it. It came from the hit movie series, Rocky Balboa. He decided to name the Pokemon after a Russian boxer in one of the movies- Ivan Drago. Yes- it fit perfectly! He named him Ivan Drago on the spot. They embraced again, as the Machoke was happy with its new name. Putin was so enthusiastic, that he wanted to start training him that instant...

It was getting late however, and it was almost time to go to sleep. And the President of Russia needs his sleep if he wants to make sure the country runs in tip-top shape, right? They Trainer and Pokemon retired to Putin's personal bed, where they slept together in an embrace that could make any married couple jealous. These two were meant for each other. While he slept, Putin dreamed about taking Ivan to Pokemon tournaments where he would be able to mercilessly defeat the entire competition and take home first prize. He would even beat out that pesky Barack Obama and his award-winning Dragonite, along with that weirdo Kim Jong Un and his Croagunk.

On the contrary, Ivan dreamed of riding on a ferris wheel with his newfound master, in the summer sun at a fun carnival. However, this dream suddenly turned into a nightmare when Ivan remembered that he had a terrible fear of heights! As the ferris wheel he and his master rode on climbed higher and higher, Ivan felt his bladder loosen. He began to urinate in his dream at a frightening pace due to his fears, and his urine began to fill up the ferris wheel cart they were in. As the urine level rose higher and higher, it spilled out of the cart and caused it to start tipping over. It continued tipping until Ivan, Putin, and their popcorn fell out of the cart and through the air.

The shock caused Ivan to awake in a hurry, only to find that he had soiled his undergarments in real life as well as his dream. His trademark Machoke briefs and champion belt had to come off. The Pokemon reluctantly removed these articles of clothing from his body, and the now-naked Machoke returned to the bed next to Vladimir Putin. He hoped that he wouldn't get urine on the bed sheets since his penis was still moist with the stuff, and the last thing he wanted to do was make his new master unhappy. Now, when Pokemon have trademark articles of clothing (like Machoke and Scraggy for example) attached to them, it becomes a part of their identity and it even ties directly to their self-worth. This was also true in Machoke's case. Even with a ripped body and giant purple penis, Ivan felt insecure being naked without his clothes. This caused him to seek consolation elsewhere.

He remembered how comforting the atmosphere of a Pokeball was, but as far as he could tell, there were none around. It was then that he spotted a round, spherical shape in the darkness next to him. "Could it be?" the Machoke thought. Perhaps it could...Even though Pokemon were exposed to Pokeballs all the time, they still didn't know exactly how they worked. In this case, Ivan just assumed that all he had to do was come in contact with the Pokeball to get inside it. This is exactly what Ivan did. He stood up, positioned himself over the round object on the bed, and lowered himself forcefully onto it. Sweat and urine dripped all over the orb, as the Machoke attempted to enter it. Everything seemed to be working... However, this Pokeball felt fleshy and soft. It shifted a bit underneath the hulking Machoke, and then he heard a yell. It was the Pokeball Ivan was on top of. Or rather, it was Putin! Ivan quickly got up, realizing his mistake, as Putin shouted and sat up in bed.

Putin turned on the lights, head dripping with sweat and urine, and looked right at the startled Ivan. The Russian President screamed in horror when he saw Ivan the Machoke standing there, stark naked with his bulging muscles and flaccid purple cock. The sight was so horrifying, that Vladimir jumped out of bed, and ran off to lock himself in his hunting closet. Embarrassed and ashamed, Ivan gathered his urine-soaked clothes, and made a break for the bedroom door. Putin's accomplices and assistants heard the commotion, and rushed to see what was going on. It took almost an hour to convince Putin to come out of the closet where he was hiding, but when he did, he smelled of Pokemon sweat and urine! Once he calmed down, he asked where Ivan had gone. However, what he got was not the answer he wanted...

The assistants told him that Ivan had run away from the Kremlin, and that a squad of Spetzsnaz was out looking for him. Feeling guilty for this incident, Putin stayed awake all that night. He had just caught that wonderful Machoke, and he was even about to train him, too! In the morning, he vowed to make the situation between him and Ivan right once more. It was then, that Spetzsnaz officials informed Vladimir of Ivan's supposed whereabouts. Putin's beloved Machoke- Ivan Drago, had run away to Eastern Europe. He had made his way to the Ukraine...

THE END...?

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