Wario Land 3

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Note: The SOG video of this pasta has presumably been deleted. Whether a surviving copy of the video file exists is currently unknown (or has not been verified yet).

April 16, 2012

Okay, I'm going to use this as a blog for something. If you wish to respond, type your response in the day of the blog, with a signature. I recently got a game from my friend Frank. It was a copy of Wario Land 3 for the Gameboy Color. I immediately took it and he seemed more than happy to get rid of it. I asked him why, and he just told me, "You'll see." I thought he just meant that it had a glitch. I'm hoping it does.

April 17, 2012

I took the game home today. It was usual, nothing important. The game worked fine, except for something I won't forget. When I started the game, this high pitched screech blew out of the speakers. It repeated 3 times, then it stopped. It didn't happen again. I'm hoping this is the worst it will get.

April 18, 2012

Well, I was wrong. It got WAY worse. I tried the game again. It started me off at Sea Turtle Rocks, without even giving me the map screen. I went backwards to go get the first key, but it was gone. The only thing there was the barrel. I picked it up and threw it to collect the coins, but instead this box appeared. I picked it up, and I died. I turned it off after that. Something is really wrong here.

April 19, 2012

Okay, there is a HUGE problem here! The game turned itself on last night. I don't know how. Wario Land turned on, and it took me to the Temple. The weird guy there said something in Latin. I looked it up and it said, "The game will determine your fate." Someone help me.

April 20, 2012

This game is CREEPY AS HELL! I turned the game on today. It didn't even do the Gameboy Advance logo at the beginning! It just went straight to the game! The title screen was disturbing. It showed Wario digging like normal, but the sky was red and the clouds were black. Then, Wario stopped digging. He jumped out of the hole and went off-screen. When he returned, he was dragging something. When I realized what it was, I almost screamed. It was a dead body. It's eyes were gone and the sockets were missing. The torso was cut up and his left leg was missing, the area where it used to be was bleeding heavily. The body was leaving a trail of blood as Wario dragged it towards the hole. He threw the body in and buried it. After that, he looked at me. He just stared. He wouldn't stop staring. Whenever I moved, so did his eyes. The pupil's movements were to exact for the 8-bit software for its time. I turned it off and put it away. I'm really scared.

April 21, 2012

OKAY I AM REALLY SCARED! The game turned itself on again last night. It was in my drawer and I saw the glow. I pulled it out and it was at the title screen. Exactly where I turned it off from. He was staring at me. But, there was something different about his stare from yesterday. He looked... scared. Scared like something was bothering him. I started the game by accident. He smiled in a relieved way, and he took me to The Castle of Illusions, or I think that's what its called. We went in, and I got attacked by the zombie in the beginning. Wario jumped over him. That was strange, since I didn't press anything. Wario was moving himself! He took me to the room with the vampire bats. There was something different. The bats were dead, on the floor. Their wings were ripped off and nailed to the wall. The blood was dripping from the floor. I couldn't bear it. "Why? Why did you take me here?" I asked the screen. Wario broke the fourth wall... and answered me! "He is hurting them," he told me. "He thinks it's fun. The pain... entertains him." I looked at him, a tear dripping from my eye. I was sad for them. Sad for all of them. "Who? Who is doing this?" I asked him. He turned to me, and said two words: "The Temple." Of course! That temple guy! He's the reason Wario goes through this crazy adventure in the real game! I decided to wait until tomorrow to confront this Temple guy.

April 22, 2012

I turned the game on again. Wario was waiting for me. He looked scared, and took me to the Temple. We entered, and something surprised me. The Temple became a playable level! It looked like a dungeon. Or a torture chamber. It was terrifying. There were torture machines, blood splattered on them. Corpses hung by chains from the ceiling. Guts were all over the floors. There was a staircase. Wario controlled himself and climbed it. It took us to a chair. Just a chair. Wario picked it up, then it happened. The Gameboy started vibrating. I dropped it on my bed. This weird green gas sprung from it. The power went out. Things started moving. A hand reached for the Gameboy. I freaked out and turned the Gameboy off. The smoke disappeared, the hand returned, and the power turned on again. My mom was confused, and I told her nothing. She would think I'm crazy.

April 23, 2012

Proof that my girlfriend wanted me to throw the game away

THIS IS NOT GOOD!! I can't get rid of that game! My girlfriend suggested I throw it away, so I tried to. I took it outside to our dumpster. I came back in, and it was on the table! It was as if it never left! I turned the game on, and it skipped the title screen. It showed a close up of Wario, his eyes crying tears of blood. "He has you now," he said. I freaked out. I didn't know what to do, nor do I now as I type this. I am at school, hoping... planning...

April 24, 2012

I think there's something in my house! I tried to throw the game away again. Same thing happened. It was just... there. Like it was begging me to play it. I understand Wario's in trouble, but after the whole hand thing I couldn't play it! But, peer pressure got ahold of me, and I put it in my GBA SP and turned it on. The screen was red for a few seconds, then an image I still can't get out of my head appeared. It was me, sitting in a chair, Wario in a chair next to me. We were gagged and tied down. Then, the squid boss from Sea Turtle Rocks came out, his needle ready. He jabbed it into Wario's arm, and he screamed in pain. He injected some wierd yellow fluid into him, and pulled the needle out. He jabbed it into my ear. I couldn't bear to watch, but I did. It just went deeper and deeper, until the needle got to my brain and killed my sprite. Wario screamed in agony, and his head exploded. Blood filled the screen. It moved in a way that couldn't be possible for the 8-bit graphics of its time. I am typing this with my Dragon Headset Typing Software because my hands are shaking too much to type...

April 25, 2012

Something is DEFINITELY in my house! I was trying to sleep last night, when I heard a bang from down the hallway. I jumped from my bed in a cold sweat. I grabbed my Emergency Bowie knife and followed the bang. I opened the door to my bathroom, and my heart stopped. In the mirror, was a deformed Wario. His face was mangled and cut-up. His mustache was cut into pieces and His eyes were gone, the sockets bleeding. I screamed at the top of my lungs and slammed the door. Another bang. From the living room. I followed it. There wasn't anything there though. I looked out the window and there he was. Wario was standing in my driveway! I screamed again and ran into my room. I hid under the covers and cried for 20 minutes. Something is gonna happen. I don't know what. Wish me luck, I'm gonna destroy that game once and for all.

April 26, 2012

Alright, I think there's a pattern here. I noticed that every time I turn on the game, Wario looks worse and worse. I turned it on, and Wario was a decayed zombie. His head was half skull, His arms were green, blotchy, and bleeding. He was walking right, no matter how hard I tried to move him left. After he walked for 10 minutes, a text box appeared. It said, "Time's up. Turn in your game." Then, the game flew out of the GBA SP and into my stomach. I couldn't breathe for about 20 seconds. While I was getting up, the game was changing. The color of the cartridge changed, and the picture on the front changed. It turned into a picture of me! I was laying on the floor, dead. My eyes were gone, My stomach was gashed open, and I could see my entrails hanging out over the hole. There was a shadow of what appered to be Wario standing over me. I couldn't take it and I hid the game. I am going to try and destroy it today.

April 27, 2012

I... I think it's gone... I hope it's gone... I got attacked... I don't know what it was... I think it was from the game... The game THAT FUCKING GAME! IT TRIED TO KILL ME! I think it failed. I know it failed. Because if it didn't fail, I wouldn't be typing right now. I can't figure out what it did to get out, nor do I want to know. I think I might not last...

April 28, 2012

I DID IT! I GOT RID OF THAT GAME! It attacked me again. I stabbed it. I debunked the creature as being a fire bot. It shot flames at me, and almost burned my house down. I jumped on its back, and stabbed it rapidly. I ripped the arms off as oil spilled in all directions. I jumped from it and carried it outside, the same way Wario does. I kicked it into the canal, and it sank. Just sank. I ran back inside, and there were more creatures. The polar bear that shoots ice. The baker and his giant donuts. And that squid. The one that stabbed my sprite in the head. He would die last. He needed to suffer. I attacked the polar bear first. I grabbed its snowflake from its hand and jabbed it into his back. He wailed as what I'm guessing was blue blood poured in all directions. I laughed maniacally (which I don't usually) as he fell to the floor. The baker threw a donut at me. I grabbed it. It was HEAVY. I walked to him. and tossed it on top of him. His bones crumbled and blood escaped his body. I grabbed his wierd fork-staff thing, and went for that squid. It is at this moment that I think I temporarily lost sanity, because I felt something crack in my head... I went nuts. I screamed and dow at him. I cut his tentacles off and jabbed his head until blood and brain matter spewed form the holes in his god-forsaken skull. He wailed and I spun him around. His guts were flapping, and I threw him into the kitchen. I pulled the game out of the GBA SP and walked to him. I shoved it in his skull, and pulled out one of my dad's emergency flares. I lit it, and shoved it into the squid as well. The game, and the monsters, meled into oblivion. My sanity returned... and I fell to the floor... tired from what just happened.

Credited to SuperMarioman11

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