Wario Land 666

I was just an ordinary fan of Mario games, especially of the Wario games. But I will nevar forget the day it happened. My friend Alex and I were playing Smash 64 one night when we discovered there was something hiding under the sofa: A gameboy game. My friend Alex picked it up and it gave him cancer twice and he died five times. Then he came back to life like it never happened and saw the cover on the cartridge was naught but a piece of masking tape that had orange marker written on it saying, "666" (With the quotation marks). He asked me if I knew this cartridge but I hadn't. Out of our curiocity, we decided to pop it into my Super Gamboy on my Super Nintendo, the gameboy logo showed up but the noise it made was not the traditional BALIIING, but a  BPHTBPHTBPHTPBHT instead. I got scared and shut it off thinking it was breaking my system, but I gave it another shot and once again BPHTPHBFTPHBPFHTPHFT. I decided to just let it be, and the following happened: nothing. But after a few minutes of nothing, it became something. What was on screen was a sprite of wario from Wario Land 3 and a gray and black background; it was time to begin.

I played first, and it felt just like the controls of Wario Land 3, but the sprite of wario was not fluently animated, meaning it had to be a hack. But what would a hack be doing inside my own basement and why would it give you cancer twice? The level the game had us start out in was very linear, only a few blocks with nothing inside. Eventually, there was a dead end, so I figured I went the wrong way, but I couldn't move after reaching the wall at the end. Alex then took the controller and peed on it to try to get it to work, but his awesome method did not suffice this time for some reason. "NEEEEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WIT DIS?!", Said Alex in frustration. Suddenly the silent game started playing music, music that I knew couldn't be on a Gameboy. The music that played surely sounded like Hypnotic K. K. from Animal Crossing: New Leaf. Just then, Wario turned his back to us and he looks at what looks like the star of David in the background that just appeared. Wario then takes a look at us with a very melancholy expression, he crept closer and closer, and the screen went completely blank. "

DAT WAZ DE GAYST THING I"VE EVER PLAYED!", Alex said as the screen would not show anything else but black. Suddenly, the game cartridge catapults its way into my nose. "AAAAH IDIOT HEIMER!", I screamed in pain. I used my beard to clean my bloody nose when Alex said he wanted to resume Smash Bros., so we did. But as we turned on the Nintendo 64, the game immediately said, "You unlocked the fat ass nigahiga, Orange Guy!". "WHOA! I NEVA KNEW THERE WAS A 13TH CHARCTAR IN THIS DAAAANG GAIM!" Alex said with excitment. The fact that it was the thirteenth character had me concern, not that it was thirteen the unlucky number while we played on a friday night, but the game's suppose to only have twelve characters. When we got to the character screen, sure enough, there was a new character slot with Wario's face on it with the caption, "Orange Guy". I decided to select him as I wanted to see how he played and if he was the secret top-tier character that would even beat Pikachu. When I selected him, the game announcer shouted his name, "ORANGE GUY!", as the man himself wined up  his arm like Donkey Kong and punched forward saying, "Orange guy!". Alex looked at me and asked, "WHOS DIS ORAGE GUY?". And then, the worst had come, he came out of the game for a moment and shouted at Alex, "ORANGE GUYYYY!".

Alex got scared and summersalted backwards while jumping five feet in the air as Orange Guy went back into the game. He came back to his seat on the couch and he selected Mario. The moment we hit start, the worst had come, the game started displaying a red swirl for a background and Wario's head from the Super Mario Land 2: The Six Golden Coins commercial showed up saying "Obey me penis! I am your penis, Mario is your ass, Wario is your shit!". Then an announcer said, "The wicked imposter Wario has casted an evil spell over his PENIS!" "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" I shouted as Wario laughed demonicly like a satan from outter space. The N64 began microwaving itself in the process and then farted to fly around before it exploded with Wario's fart ghost coming out saying "REVENGE!" as he turned into just some regular fart. And then a giant snowman came in and left. Alex and I shat bricks for five hours streight before we passed out from buttloss. When we woke up we tried to froget the incident by playing Mario Party 1, but I would never forget because the game's model for Wario was the same as Ornage Guy's in Smash Brothers.

Trivia

• Wario is the wicked imposter of Orange Guy.
• The beginning was based off Borderlands 2.
• Alex is my homie.
• The snowman was the creator of the hacked cartridge.

References

• DOH I MISSED!
• This is based off a true story with the exact same events.

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