Warios Wood.exe

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This is a story about something that really happened to me a couple months ago. What happened to me traumatized me and I still have nightmares about it to this day.

I've always really liked the idea of VR, so when the consumer version of the Oculus Rift came out I was really excited, but disappointed at the same time. You see, The Oculus Rift is very expensive, and I had basically no money at all at the time so I was very sad. I would constantly spam in youtube comment sections "plz gimme oculus rift if you have extra THX!" and would always scour eBay for good deals if they had any.

Well one day, I heard a knock on the door, when I answered it there was a package. "Weird," I thought "I didn't order anything," but I opened the package anyways because it was addressed to me. When I opened the package I found an HTC Vive in there! I couldn't believe it. I got a free VR helmet that was better than the Oculus, it was a dream come true! I got the Vive out of the package and started setting it up. I realized at this point that the Vive sent to me did not come in its box so I checked the package to see if there was an instruction manual in there. There was, but I also found a CD in there that had "Free Games" written on it with a sharpie. At the time, I thought it was the CD that came with the free games promised with the Vive, but I was wrong. 

I got the HTC Vive set up. "Alright! Time to try it out!" I said to myself. I put the CD into my computer and copied the contents of it to my desktop. When I opened the folder which was simply titled "Games" I found that there was only one file in it titled "Warios Wood.exe" I was surprised when I saw because I didn't think Nintendo would license a game for another company ever since the CD-i games. I was so excited, Wario's Woods was one of my favorite games when I was young, and now I would get to play it in VR!

I opened the file and started the game. Wario's Woods is so much easier to play in VR then on the NES. I was stacking monsters and bombs against Birdo and the game was getting repetitive quick. "When is Wario gonna come?" I thought. "I need a challenge."

All the sudden, Birdo had a really shocked look on her face. "What's going on?" I thought.

"Did somebody say 'When is Wario going come?'" I heard a distant raspy voice call. It was Wario. "Well I'll tell ya', it won't be for a long time until I come!" He said.

All the sudden, Wario showed up from nowhere shirtless and wearing a cowboy hat. He shot Birdo in the face with a revolver. Blood and chunks of Birdo's fleshy pink brain splattered all over the floor and my clothes.

"Whoa! What the hell did you do that for!" I yelled.

Wario took hold of Birdo's limp body and pulled down her pants to reveal Birdo's microscopic, shriveled up, old penis. I could tell she hadn't used it in a long time. I was so disgusted! Why would they put that in a video game?

"You didn't have to do that!" I said to Wario.

"Take off your pants," Wario said to me.

"What?" I said horrified.

"Take off your pants or you die!" He held the gun to my head.

I proceeded to take off my pants. I didn't want to die! Wario took off his pants too. He had an awesome cock. His penis was similar to a semi-truck: huge, fast, horny, and exhausting. The circumference of it I would say was about the same as a soft ball. Wario grabbed me with his giant hulk fists. He turned me over and shoved me down to the ground. "Let's-a go!" He cried out. He shoved his rock hard monster truck cock into my hairy, sweat-filled virgin asshole, but it didn't fit. "Argghhhh" He groaned. He shoved harder until he ripped my ass cheeks apart. I screamed with agony as his slippery snake slithered swiftly through my goopy gopher hole. I think I know now what it feels like to not take a crap for a month, but with more pain and embarrassment.

"Stop! Please!" I pleaded.

"I won't stop until I cum." He said in a mighty voice. "And as I said before: 'it won't be for a long time until I cum,' Muhahaha!"

I screamed at the top of my lungs. All the sudden, I was back in reality. There was a man standing over me, he was my neighbor.

"I heard you screaming." He said. "What happened?"

"I was fucked!" I said "Violated by a fat Italian plumber dressed as a cowboy!"

"Where'd he go!" He said. I could tell was concerned.

I pointed to the Vive. He laughed. I slapped him and told him to get out of my house. I called the police after he left and he was arrested.

After that incident I filed a lawsuit against HTC for making a machine that caused me trauma. They say that I'm exaggerating and that they're not responsible for any games other people make for their product, but I think that's a load of bullshit.

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