Whatever Happened to Green Doors?
Have you ever wondered what became of the green doors? Where they all went? Was it all part of a government conspiracy to erase the colour green from all our lives, or it was nothing more than an elaborate hoax thought up by some lesser known evil? Well, my friends count yourself lucky for I have the answer to all of those questions. Now be prepared, because what is said in this account can never be spoken to anyone. Not your Grandmas, your priests, your ministers, and not even your local washing machine dealer. The secret behind what happened to green doors is so secret and so deadly that I am actually breaking a contract signed by myself to not disclose any details regarding the subject. However, this is just too good a opportunity to pass up, and I feel as though it is my duty to inform people about this.
At one point in time, green doors were common place in suburban households, and were the most used colour for doors. Perhaps it was believed that the iconic green colour gave the neighbourhood a more classy look or something but I beg to differ. Most doors during the 1960's and 70's were painted green because of a conspiracy that green attracted the eye. So, it was because of this conspiracy that a lot of local businesses began using green doors in order to attract more people to their business. During the 1970's, the sale for green doors was at an all time high, and came about because of a man named Jimmy
Back in the 1970's, when you needed a door for your house you'd call Jimmy. His first name has never been revealed, and he likes to keep it that way. I heard he used to run guns for the Empire Bay Triads back in 1953 or thereabouts. In 1971, Jimmy bought his own construction firm under the name of Build A Jim. Jimmy had always had a keen interest in construction, and wanted to become known as the Bob the Builder of the West. Even though Bob the Builder didn't exist in the 1970's, but don't question ole Jimmy for he is rather dumb. Jimmy's construction firm was moderately successful, but in 1972 he began facing problems when his door manufacturing plant was ablaze to the ground in a suspected arson attack. In a reaction to this lynching, Jimmy didn't have doors to use for his houses. Luckily for Jimmy, a solution was offered to him by his friend in the Garment Centre: Buzz the Honey Nut Cheerio's Bee. Contrary to popular belief, Buzz was not the nice and friendly bee that adverts made him out to be no pun intended, no in reality, he was quite a cold bastard and was very cunning like some kind of Chairman Drek. He could never be called an old Moustache Pete because he had the confidence and sharpness of the cereal mascots on their way up.
So, Buzz arranged a conference for later one night between himself and Jimmy. The meeting was held at Bruno Tattaglia's nightclub, they struck a deal which would some to be known as a legend in the years to come. Basically, Buzz had gotten his hands on a large shipment of green doors which had been stolen from a truck going into Bolivia. Buzz guaranteed Jimmy two crates full of green doors in exchange for a possible loophole to Empire Bay. Under the bee law act of 1957, it was a long time rule that bees could not enter the States without marrying the maiden of a wealthy aristocrat. These law had more problems than Monk Malone, but I digress. Buzz wanted to boycott that rule, and enter the States with Jimmy's help. Jimmy agreed to the terms and conditions, and entered a partnership with Buzz. For the remainder of the 1970's and early 1980's, Jimmy sold green doors all across the country. It was the reason that Oakton City was dubbed by the press as the City Of The Green. They didn't care much for the name, but couldn't complain about the door colours that Jimmy provided them with due to the fact that the house marketing was booming.
However, Jimmy and Buzz's relationship would come to be public knowledge when a mole infiltrated the organization. The mole was a nasty little thing who had gotten in big trouble for breaking a jar of onion sauce at Tesco's many moons ago. For the last 10 years, the mole whose name was Martin Mole was constantly dogged by rumours of being racist towards onions. In order to quell these rumours, Martin Mole got inside the forces of Jimmy and Buzz learning about the pair only having green doors for sale. Martin was wary that green doors had certain powers which could trigger a natural system in the eye which caused a person to want something with such a desire that it was almost animal. So, Martin having gotten inside the forces of Jimmy handed over Jimmy's account books to the Federal Government who clamped down hard on the entire operation. Buzz managed to escape the wrath of the Government, and went on the run to Australia under an assumed name. Meanwhile, Jimmy was given life at Hartman Penitentiary.
The news of the green door conspiracy hit the country of Great Britain like wild fire, and although Jimmy was now behind bars, there was a problem. You see; Jimmy and Buzz after agreeing to their partnership had bought up a huge former glass manufacturing warehouse over in Somerset. These warehouse was then taken over by Barry Scott and his gang. Barry Scott and his right-hand man Omar Suarez planned on using green doors to start up their own construction company as their cleaning company Cillit Bang had hit a slump during the 1980's, and they needed something to bring some extra dough in. However, any chance the pair had of running a green door racket was busted by Sam and Max. Unbeknownst to Barry Scott, Omar Suarez was an informer for the police, and had given Sam and Max the location of the warehouse. So that same evening, the warehouse was raided by Sam and Max. "Jumping jellybeans look at that!" Sam proclaimed while pointing towards a massive washing line which held a huge shipment of green doors. Barry Scott had planned on smuggling the doors to Boston for he had contacts down there who would do anything for prime doors.
The warehouse was shut down, and all the remaining green doors were tossed into the sea. However, despite Jimmy's incarastion, his construction company still continued running, and continued selling green doors. The fact that the company only produced green doors and not any other colour had generated quite a bit of controversy. So it wasn't much of a surprise when the Easily Offended Knights of Nottingham got involved. They found the fact that the doors being sold were only green to be rather disgusting. The Knights knowing that Omar Suarez was a chivato had told him all about the warehouse since Barry Scott kept a lot of buffers between himself and Suarez. Know what I mean? So, the Knights were responsible for the warehouse getting shut down, but that wasn't enough for them. They learned from a contact that another truck of green doors had turned up missing three months ago, and that a great deal of green doors had turned up on the Island of Sodor. In response, the Knights dispatched one of their highest ranking members named Aloysius O'Hare.
Aloysius O'Hare was formally the Mayor of Thneedville, and had gained a reputation back then as being a hard barginar. Back then, Thneedville had no trees, and this caused a young boy a resident of the city to seek out a tree. However, O'Hare's attempts to stop the boy resulted in him getting impeached, and he left the city disgraced. Eventually, the city was renamed to Bazooka City, and this was the real reason that no one like to talk about it. That must be some story. Some O'Hare. Also, the reasoning behind the name change was because of the new Mayor's love for bazookas and racing horses. He was a tight fisted hand at the cough drop that Mayor! Anyways, O'Hare had joined up with the Knights because he was known to be very good with a turkey baster but only in matters of business or a reasonable complaint. O'Hare took the flight to Sodor, and was greeted at Sodor International Airport by Sir Topham Hatt's butler Cutter. Topham Hatt controlled the island of Sodor, and was known by the trains who lived there as the fat controller. However, if anyone dared utter that name to him they would be put to death. A dangerous pass time I know.
Cutter brought O'Hare to Topham Hatt's Mansion which was located on the very outskirts of Sodor, and he lived at the mansion with his wife and two sons. He was getting old now, but he refused to retire for he was quite a greedy fat bastard. Ushered into the office of Topham Hatt, O'Hare struggled to get words out, and was taken back by the sheer size of the man. He was a big chungus, and his mere presence seemed to radiate some kind of danger that was not yet known to O'Hare. When O'Hare finally mustered up the courage to speak and explained his reasoning for coming to the island, Topham Hatt grinned widely as he said, "come with me my son. Perhaps we should see the factory. It's not too far." Cutter did the driving, and the trio arrived at a large golden warehouse which seemed to be taller than the sky when in reality it was only half past 2. Ha! Sorry that one just caught me off guard know what I mean?
Inside the factory, O'Hare was given a full tour by Topham Hatt. It was here that O'Hare realised that Topham Hatt did not understand the reason behind his visit. Topham Hatt had been led to believe that O'Hare was a possible business partner, and Topham Hatt was more than happy to show off the factory for he had heard the stories of O'Hare's time as Mayor many times. It was his favourite bed time story, and Cutter would always tell it to Topham Hatt as he was tucked in for the night. "So this and my factory up in Riker's Field, I can guarantee the shipment of 90 green doors weekly." "Why come to me with such an offer?" O'Hare asked before continuing with, "of what assistance could i owe to you and your friends?" "Well I need someone to guarantee safe journeys into the States, because that's where the highest demand for doors is, and I need to keep my customers happy know what I mean?" At that moment, O'Hare was just about to make a phone call to the Knights to inform them of this new information, when he was offered £50,000 for the first shipment by Topham Hatt. O'Hare's task was simple to get the trucks containing the doors from Sodor to Bazooka City. Thomas Da Tank Engine had volunteered for the job, but had been turned down by Topham Hatt in favour of a new engine named Spencer. Spencer was among the new generation with a barely hidden contempt for the old Moustache Pete's like Thomas and Sir Topham Hatt. He was just a little too respectful.
Three day later at a quarter to five in the afternoon, O'Hare was picked up outside Sir Topham Hatt's Mansion by Spencer. Spencer's driver was a quiet but reliable man who would get O'Hare into Bazooka City before 10'o clock which was when all the crazies came out. O'Hare was thankful for he not been back to Bazooka City for more than 15 years. Spencer arrived at Topham Hatt's warehouse, and O'Hare rushed inside to get the doors. He came back outside, and loaded them onto the carriages. If anyone asked; Spencer would claim he was taking some passengers up the Gates of Graceland, and as such could not be disturbed until after the journey was over. 3/2 hours later, Spencer arrived at Ronald McDonald Train Station in Bazooka City, and found it to be completely deserted. Now this was back in the 1990's so there wasn't a big pandemic floating around so where the salmon catcher were all the people at? Bazooka City was always busy and O'Hare would know since he was once the Mayor, and seas would rise when he gave the word. That was when he ruled the world.
That's when the stationmaster appeared on the scene his name was Curt. He held up his ID card to Spencer's driver, and looked at the man puzzled. Curt said, "so what brings you boys up to Bazooka this time of night?" "Got lost Boss." The driver said to which Curt asked, "you got lost?" He then pulled out a revolver and shot the driver in the head killing him instantly. That's when two detectives appeared on the scene, and Curt said, "check the carriages. Our informer said they were carrying about 90 green doors from Sodor." That's when Curt noticed O'Hare sitting in the carriage, and knocked on the window. "Come out and we will let you go free." Curt said in a very sarcastic voice which prompted O'Hare to proclaim, "not today motherducker!" O'Hare pulled out a jetpack from his ass, and placed it onto his head. Using the jetpack, O'Hare was able to fly out from the train station, and because he was super strong he carried the carriage containing the green doors with him. Yes, somehow O'Hare was able to store 90 doors on one single train carriage. How does that work exactly? I think it may have something to do with a hole in the satellite picture.
Problems was O'Hare wasn't a very good flyer, and ended up dropping the carriage inside the Bazooka City Central Police Station, however O'Hare was then shot down by the police, but was not killed, and was instead placed on the back of a horse. That's when the Mayor of Bazooka City appeared to greet him. It was just as O'Hare suspected. It was the same boy who had ruined O'Hare's reputation that long time ago. Even though it had only been 15 years, the boy had not aged well, and had grey hair and wrinkles. He looked about 95 years old even though he was only 27 years old at the time of this encounter. The Mayor said in his wicked voice, "I'm not gonna kill ya O'Hare, I'm gonna send you to back to Sodor so's you can give a message to that fat fuck Topham." He then slapped the horse causing it run off into the sunset. Meanwhile, the Mayor and his associates recovered the carriage, and all the green doors were burnt in a bonfire held in the precinct.
Upon returning to Sodor, O'Hare found Topham Hatt to be rather impassive about the whole situation which had transpired in Bazooka. "Don't worry Aloysius it happens to us all sometimes." Topham Hatt said confidently as Cutter lit him a cigar. For the rest of the day, the pair discussed the ultimate revenge to get on that bastard of a Mayor. O'Hare looked out of Topham Hat's 500 inch window which overlooked the entire island of Sodor, and saw the horse which had taken him back there. "I may have an idea Topham." O'Hare said evilly.
The Mayor whose real name was Ted Wiggins always slept alone for he had not married yet. He lived in chambers once occupied by O'Hare. Now every Thursday morning, Wiggins and his associates would go out fox hunting up in the countryside, but on this particular Thursday he woke up very early. Birds were chirping outside his bedroom window. Wiggins had a bed big enough for 1000 people, and a bedroom large enough to say an eye for an eye meets the tie. However, Ted felt something at the bottom of the bed it felt like a large hunk of meat, and his sheets were all wet and smelly. He flicked on his night lamp, and then removed all of his bedsheets and at the very bottom of the bed laid the decapited head of the horse which had taken O'Hare back to Sodor Island. That evening, Ted sent a call to the Knights to inform them of O'Hare's actions, and then went about quietly covering up the act so that he did not face any more revenge plots from O'Hare and Topham Hatt.
O'Hare's betrayal sent shockwaves through the nation, and the Knights faced a lot of controversy because of it. Meanwhile, the Bazooka City Police Department (BCPD), put out the word that all green door sales would be completely stopped, and although it took them a couple years they finally managed to close down Topham Hatt's warehouse, but O'Hare and Topham Hatt along with Cutter had all fled the country. They returned six months later and were as brown as a frown. The BCPD's actions had inspired police forces across the globe to follow the same rules. If a house or apartment complex already had a green door it would be torn off and replaced with a new one immediately. The reason the BCPD held such authority was because Ted Wiggins had been a member of Global Justice, and they gave him the voice he needed to get the green doors banned. And so, the Green Door Prohibition had begun.
Several aspiring criminals capitalised on the fact that Topham Hatt was out of the picture. The most notable of these wannabe criminals was none other than Stinky a burger van owner from Somerset the same county which had once held the warehouse that Barry Scott had so desperately desired in the some way a cleaning lady once desired a rack of lamb. Stinky was a serious gambler, and because of this he had earned a lot of bad debt in particular he owed a lot of money to Mikhail Faustin whose reputation even back then was fearsome. So to combat these debts, Stinky after receiving a tip off from his cousin learned about some green doors which were located at the local junkyard. And so, Stinky robbed the junkyard for all the green doors it had. He then took the doors with him, and hid them at the back of his burger van. By day, he was a burger van owner, and by the night, he became known as Mr Green. He earned about £500 per door, and was the real reason he was making such killer cash so as it turns out Mr Krabs and Plankton were wrong about it being his burgers which attracted all the dough. In a curious twist, Stinky's burgers were mediocre at best.
Stinky was able to pay off his mass amounts of debt, and used the remaining money to purchase a much larger burger van, and began expanding his operation into London. He did not have the sense to realise he was in danger, for he was a very dumb fish and often joked around with the local police force. Whenever, Stinky started work he would poke his head out from the van and laugh a mighty evil laugh. Though some may find the laugh fatherly in a way, it did nothing to humour the local pastor who dropped word to Sam and Max that they had better investigate Stinky. So one day after hours, Sam and Max paid a visit to Stinky, and took him downtown for interrogation.
During the interrogation, Stinky was sweating uncontrollably for he had never been in jail before and he prayed that he never was again. Stinky was not a stupid man and was merely a supremely smelly one. Now in the interrogation room, Stinky cracked and began talking. He told Sam and Max that the green doors had been dumped in the junkyard by Mr Badger who ran a local investment firm down on Kingsmill. So, Sam and Max allowed for Stinky to go free, and on his travels he rudely insulted Mr Krabs and Plankton before yelling, "you two oughta be burnt at the stake!" Suddenly, Stinky upon looking at his watch and realising the time stripped out from his chef overalls revealing himself to be wearing a tailored suit and hat. He then got inside his limo, and sat comfortably in the backseat as he was driven back to his mansion. His mansion made entirely of Frankincense.
Sam and Max meanwhile drove to Mr Badger's firm, and confronted Badger in his office over the green door conspiracy. "Look we're all reasonable people here right? I don't need to give my assurances as if I was an attorney." Mr Badger explained as he lit himself a cigarette. "You want an attorney here's one from Smith & Weston!" Sam barked angrily as dogs tend to do ya know? He then proceeded to pull out a large revolver, and pointed it directly at Mr Badger's forehead. Mr Badger dropped his cigarette on the desk, and began explaining some more details that Stinky had conveniently left out during his interrogation. He explained that the green doors were provided to him by General W.R Monger. Yes as it turns out; Mr Badger was actually an undercover informer for the military, and had informed W.R Monger about Stinky. W.R Monger had assured Mr Badger that Stinky was harmless and nothing more than a mild aurora borealis. Nothing to threat about it. "He's the one you need to speak to. If you like I can take you there right now. Real Sicilian style." Mr Badger said in a sly voice as Max asked, "can I kill these guy Sam?" "Would love to little buddy, but we got to get to the bottom of this sticky wicket." Sam explained as he and Max were led outside into the foyer by Mr Badger. They were taking his car which for some reason Mr Badger had decided to park in the foyer likely because of an incident which occurred in 2005 known only as the River Severn Mishap. That be some story. That must be some Badger.
Arriving at Area 69, Badger led Sam and Max through the base towards the domain of General W.R Monger. W.R Monger was very short but incredibly strong and his presence provoked dread in Sam but not Max for he was quite confident for a rabbit. I wonder what the story was behind that. Anyways, General W.R Monger appeared accompanied by his PA. "So gentlemen Badger tells me you're here about the green doors?" W.R Monger asked. "Yes Sir if it's alright with you we'd like to know everything you know about these mysterious doors." Sam explained as he and Max along with Badger were escorted through the base by W.R Monger. They continued walking through the base until they reached a large golden door which was about 500 feet tall. Mr Badger was about to walk in, but was stopped by W.R Monger who said, "before you go in, I must have some strict assurance from you that nothing you see in this room will ever be disclosed to the public. Got it?" The trio shook their heads instinctively, and were allowed through the door by Monger. However, behind the golden door laid another door. This one was purple. Monger opened that one, and there was another door this one being beige. He opened this one up, and then was the forth and final door coloured black. He opened this one by dancing a rather weird rain dance which sounded rather spicy, but Badger decided it would be best not to comment on it.
Inside the room, there was a small brown table which had a series of documents thrown across it. Sam made his way up to the table, and looked the document over as did Max and Badger. "You know I can't read Sam." Max said but Sam didn't respond. He was completely bewildered by the content he read in the documents. "Perhaps you should sit down." W.R Monger suggested as his PA and a few soldiers came in holding chairs and some refreshments. Mr Badger sipped from a cup of tea as Sam sat down on a chair, but ended up sitting on a whoopie cushion causing a large fart to erupt through the air. This caught Badger off guard and he nearly spat his tea out, but he never did Remy he never did. Anyways, General W.R Monger after pulling up his own chair began to tell the story of the green doors, and sighed heavily as his PA lit him a cigar.
It all began six months ago, the sale for doors had gone down drastically since the betrayal of Aloysius O'Hare was made public to the world. What made matters more complicated was the fact that the housing market was booming, and people needed doors to keep Mickey Mouse out. It was during the 1990's, that Mickey Mouse banged on the doors of innocent people asking for food and shelter. When they answered the door, Mickey would hold them at gunpoint until they paid him a small fine of 60 grand, and tell him to fist a cow. It was the very thing that Mickey loved, and the thing that gained him such a legendary reputation. Sorry about that massive tangent, anyways, a cult set themselves up in Bazooka City, and named themselves the Society Of Green Doors.
The Society Of Green Doors were a rarity in cults. They did not fear the police, they did not fear Mayor Wiggins, they did not fear the Easily Offended Knights of Nottingham, but they had elected and they had chosen to fear and love green doors. All the members of the Cult worked in construction firms like the one which had formally belonged to Jimmy many moons ago, and because of this they were able to get their grubby hands onto some prime doors. They took the doors from the warehouses they worked at, and painted them green. Every door had to be painted green. It was the very thing that society had created them for, and if they dared to paint them another colour that wasn't just breaking the code that they had all sworn to it was treason worthy of murder.
One time, Sancy Glown a scientist employed by the Cult had accidentally made the fatal mistake of painting a new and improved revolving door orange. This angered everyone in the room, and the head of the Cult: John Derrick stepped forth from behind the shadows and said in a cold dark voice, "feed him to the Junkyard Dogs." "No please I can do better next time!" Sancy pleaded but it was far too late for him as he was carried out of the room by Derrick's inane followers. "Don't do this to me!" Sancy Glown cried as he was taken out back never to be seen again. Some say they saw him living in a village in France with a goat which could write English poems through the use of tonsils, but that's just wishful thinking because there's a shortage of chairs if you know what I mean? With Sancy dead, he was replaced by another scientist who had gone to Fordham University with Bruno Tattagllia and one of McCluskey's sons.
The Society Of Green Doors prided themselves on the fact that they were so above the law that even O'Hare had joined their cause and so had Topham Hatt. They were the ones supplying Topham Hatt with the green doors. So the papers were true. Now of course, every now a spy would infiltrate the Cult to try and get information. However, the Society had ace in the hole which was a special ray gun which would erase the memory of any person or any animal. All you had to do was select the memory you wanted erasing, and it would work, and it was the very thing that made the Society so confident and so untouchable. Whenever, an informer was discovered they were shot with the ray gun, and tossed out onto the streets not being able to recall a thing. The ray gun had actually been produced by Sancy Grown, and although the Society disliked Sancy for his insubordination, they had to give him in the very least some credit for creating such a marvellous thing. For have you ever heard of such a thing as a memory erasing ray gun?
Mayor Ted Wiggins did not have the slightest idea that most of the people he associated with on a day to day basis were part of the Society, or in the very least getting paid by them to keep their mouths shut. Even Wiggin's own butler Brendan Gast was getting paid in packets of Ribena by the Society. He kept his ear to the ground he did, and it was the very thing that the Society needed. The Society had their meetings once a week sometimes twice but never less. They always held them in the local convention centre which hadn't been used since O'Hare was still Mayor. It was the perfect place too, as they were able to order pizza without the fear of someone questioning the location. For the meetings, each member of the Society wore a green door costume. It looked like a regular green door, but it had a hole through the centre of it allowing for the Society member to stick their head through it. For initiation, you would have to dance in a funky Tarantella. Once you've completed the dance, you must make sure to collapse onto a wooden chair and ask for icy black wine. I know you may be inclined to ask for green wine, but this would result in you getting fed to the Junkyard Dogs. Ask for the icy black wine, and then throw the glass onto the ground breaking into pieces. Once you've done that, you will be a full member of the Society Of Green Doors.
The Society Of Green Doors wanted to take over Great Britain, and perhaps even the entire world at some point in the coming future. To ensure their success, they used powerful business people like Topham Hatt and O'Hare to their advantage in order to get their precious green doors sold across the country. It was the very thing they stood for, and the only thing they cared about. Any other colour was bad, green and only green was good. The only thing they cared about was green, and they had nothing else to care about. They didn't even care about their own families, and if say a member of the Society's brother was to have a red door for his apartment, the society member would have to kill their own brother. There's a code of honour involved, and perhaps it was best to assume that the pudding is in the simile and I shall not disturb it or the country's done for.
After hearing this story, Sam and Max looked bewildered while Mr Badger had fallen asleep on top of a large armchair. W.R Monger took a sip from his own cup of tea as he said, "so do you have any questions?" "Well we've got to tell someone about this!" Sam cried at the very top of his lungs and proclaimed so loud that it actually ended up waking Mr Badger up. "But who could we tell half the cops in Bazooka are in the Society's pockets?" Max asked. "We've got to tell Mayor Wiggins. He's our only hope!" Sam proclaimed as he and Max along with W.R Monger and Mr Badger made their way outside Area 69 carrying all the documents with them which exposed the Society Of Green Doors. They looked up into the early afternoon sky, and were dismayed to learn that O'Hare and Topham Hatt were hot on their case. They driving O'Hare's massive blimp which was the only thing he had been allowed to keep following his impeachment. "Oh we're coming to get you short man!" O'Hare proclaimed as he jetpacked his way out of the blimp with Topham Hatt using his umbrella to float in the air.
Racing down the streets of Bazooka City, the group had to fight their way through waves upon waves of corrupt cops and soldiers that had been paid off by the Society. They eventually crashed inside a large luxury garden occupied by the Meaches who were anthropomorphic peaches but with a curious twist. They were as aggressive as guard dogs, and tried their best to attack the group but then turned their attention to face O'Hare and Topham Hatt who both had crash landed in the same garden. "Oh dear!" Topham Hatt cried as the Meaches pinned him and O'Hare to the ground. "They're getting away!" O'Hare yelled angrily as he held up one of the Meaches into the air. His face was filled with rage, and when he was angry Mr O'Hare was not a force to be reckoned with let me tell you. Meanwhile, the group made their way out of the Meach garden and onto the fields of dover. They made their way through the field until they reached a large steel fence which blocked off Mayor Wiggins' mansion from the rest of the city.
Finally, O'Hare and Topham Hatt managed to catch up to the group, and O'Hare was pulling off the last of the Meaches from his aching body. "Damn it!" O'Hare whined as he then said to one of the driver of his blimp, "kill those four punks right now or else you're fired!" O'Hare yelled angrily as his employee began singing with, "you don't know me but my name's Cy, I'm just the O'Hare blimp driver, but it seems that green doors may not be worth a try, so I say let them burn." O'Hare pulled an incredibly puzzled face as the townsfolk joined Cy in his singing and they broke down the steel fence, and sang their way towards Mayor Wiggins' Mansion. Upon reaching said mansion, O'Hare began singing too and he sang, "my name's O'Hare... I'm one of you and I live here in Bazooka too. The things ya say just might be true, it may be time to start anew, and maybe change my point of viewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... nah! I say let them be green, Let them be green! Let them be green! Let them be green and... come on whose with me?" "Nobody matey boy!" Max said as Cy poked O'Hare right in the chest before yelling, "you greedy dirtbag!" Everyone in the singing group then ganged up on O'Hare including Topham Hatt who had decided to turn a new leaf. He placed the jetpack on O'Hare's head, and laughed heavily as did the rest of the crowd as O'Hare was blasted off towards Hushaby Mountain.
With O'Hare dealt with, Sam and Max knocked on the front door to Mayor Wiggin's Mansion, and he answered the door looking very rough as he said, "yeah can I help you?" He then woke up once he realised that the entire city was singing for him on his own doorstep. Sam and Max along with W.R Monger and Badger made their way inside the mansion, and presented Wiggins with the documents. "This is perfect!" Wiggins proclaimed happily as he said, "if we can actually pull this entire thing off... this could just be the biggest case our fine country has ever seen." Mayor Wiggins said. "Here's to that!" General W.R Monger proclaimed happily as he held up a huge keg of beer. Everyone had themselves a drink, as Wiggins began making some phone calls.
It all worked well in the end. Wiggins brought the documents and CCTV footage which W.R Monger also had on him to Global Justice. Global Justice send their forces into Bazooka City, and within just a day, the entire Society Of Green Doors was behind bars for life. John Derrick was given life while some of the most important members were given the chair. O'Hare was targeted by Global Justice, but he managed to evade them by going on the run to Sicily. Meanwhile, Topham Hatt went back to running Sodor, and became a much better man a spotted dick changed man and that's just beautiful. Well this was until he was corrupted by a diesel engine which pulls wickedly evil faces and yet Topham Hatt never feels inclined to question him or his motives. But that's another story entirely. Meanwhile, Sam and Max were awarded medals from Global Justice. and gave speeches to a bunch of cynical monkies who knew their time was coming, but they just couldn't stand the aggravation like some kind of McCluskey. Once the Society was dealt with, Mayor Wiggins gave a speech, and told everyone that from this day forth doors will never be painted green again. Doors that were green were then painted another colour like blue for example. It's just good business reader.
So, there you have it; that's the story behind what really happened to green doors, and why they don't exist any more. I mean sure yeah you may see them sometimes occasionally, but it's just like that only occasionally. So the next time, you see a green door just remember this story cause I guarantee you it will make you want to build a LEGO house. Oh yeah a nice little LEGO house.
Credited to Bruno Tattagllia
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