You on kazoo! Lost Episode
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NSFW WARNING
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I never thought I would have to write about this, but it seems that I must.
A few days ago I was perusing the interwebs when I came across a video by a furry called Pyrocynical. This video was entitled - well actually I can't fucking remember, lets just call it "5 easy ways to have oral sex without contemplating suicide." When I saw this video I was intrigued. I clicked the video and began to watch. Five minutes I felt the sudden urge to pee. As I couldn't be arsed to go downstairs to the bathroom, I simply pissed onto my computer.
Exactly 3.987 seconds later I realised that my computer had shut itself off and was smoking. I was very confused as my computer had been fine until I needed a piss. Since I didn't know what the fuck was going on, I poured some water on my PC to stop it from smoking, as it was probably going to explode or some shit like that.
I turned on the computer and saw, that for a split second, the startup screen was bright yellow, the colour of grass. It was then that I remembered, there was grass in that "5 easy ways to have oral sex without contemplating suicide" video that that LeafyIsQueer guy made.
As my computer loaded up I noticed that the 'User Account' screen had a new account on it. This account was called Johnathan Drowned. Naturally I wasn't scared as my daughter was called Johnathan, and I knew that maybe when I went to get the bucket of water she somehow hacked my account, made a new one, and shutdown the computer before I got back.
Once I was logged on (The password is "am montags habe ich ultimate tournament gespielt" incase anyone lives in the ghettos of Washington D.C. and wants a free computer) I noticed that NetScape had loaded up (because who the fuck uses Google Chrome?) and it took me straight to YouTube.
Once YT had finished loading it took me to some retards channel called 'KRVA', what a spastic name, who the fuck would call themselves KRVA? It's just a random mix of numbers that nobody uses. But anyway, after I had finished laughing at this dude's shit channel name, I saw he had uploaded a video. It was called "You on kazoo lost episode." I knew that this dude is completely inept because there is only one episode, fuckin muggle.
I nervously clicked on the video and was treated to the horrific sight of a group of elated college-aged men cheerfully playing like they're on drugs or some shit. Fucking chavs. But anyway, the video started of just as I remembered. The nurse started to take of the patients trouser- shit, I'm thinking of the wrong video. So as the dudes started to dance run around in circles, one of the stupid pricks started to call out "come on and play." At this point in time I was scared shitless. The Indian (I think he's Indian) dude started to glitch out. I just blamed it on being a glitch and ignored it.
As the video continued I noticed that something very strange was going on. There was some middle aged serial killer guy recording the men playing. But that wasn't what was scaring me, after all, people go missing everyday, who the fuck cares if a few more dissapear?
No.
What was scaring me was that all the dudes eccept Chuck(?) had very deep thro- shit, I keep talking about that other video. But nah, the other dudes had very deep sounding voices that somehow also make the rest of the video move in slow motion, almost as if he had gone to clip converter, converted the video to mp4 and edited it. But I knew that wasn't the case.
A bunch of boring shit happens like more glitching and deep throating- ah fuck I already typed the dash and I can't be arsed to delete all this text Iv'e just written up to change it. But the bit that scared me was when this guy called Helga(?) said "Hi, I'm Helga", she sounded like an old man. If I were to give an educated guess I would say 67.8796 years old.
So the video ends and I feel the sudden urge to pee. It was then, when trying to stand up so I can piss on my PC again, I realised I was being deaded- shit I mean killed.
I turned around to see my twenty-five-year-old daughter, Johnathan(?) stood behind me, holding an 8 inch long dragon dildo. It was then that I realised that I didn't have a dragon dildo. I stood up and looked out of the window to see a bright red, or orange (I'm colourblind, don't judge), FedEx, because fuck UPS, truck driving off. I then looked at my computer screen, the FedEx homepage was on and it said that the order had been placed on the 7th of January, but today was the 6th.
My daughter John walked up to me and said "Brother, I killed daddy derek."
I then realised that I was no longer among the living. My disheveled body lay there, halcyon, when compared to the trees that blew softly amongst the wind, at least. I looked back to see the thick puddle of red blood mesh with the carpets own decadent blue. It looked like shite.
I picked up the dragon dildo that was lodged inside my mouth and started to hit my grown-ass offsprings with it. They both started to have seizures as they bounced of the walls at an average of 41 mph, TELL ME WHAT THAT IS ON A GRAPH MRS-FUCKING-BURCHILL.
John suddenly flew out the window, she looked like she had motor neurone disease on something. The neighbors called the popo and shit got real. They started shootin' up the house. They tried to shoot me but the fucking idiots didn't realise that you can't shoot ghosts. All they did was shoot through me and killed my other offspring (who shall remain nameless for copyright reasons (it was because I reacted, I don't want TheFineBro$ to copyright strike me.).)
It was then that I realised. Helga had a really deep voice, and my name is Helga, and I am a transgen-. have a deep voice. Helga was killed by that 67.8796 year old man, and I was 67.8796 years old. So as I write this up I realise, I am Helga. But if I am Helga, then who is blatant ripof- dragon dildo?
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