Ze Dr. Pepper

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Ze Dr. Pepper in his high school years.

This all started when I was at my local grocery store. Never did I think that getting a simple generic soda would result in consequences so drastic or morbid. Oh, but it did.


Not before had I ever bought something generic from the store. Never ever. But, being the open-minded individual that I am, I decided to buy the Dr. Pepper alternative, Mr. B. Now, when I got home and tasted this soda, there was little to no difference in taste, but I did gain an...odd feeling after I finished my can and put it in the recycling bin like a good citizen of the Earth.


I heard something at my front door that night. My doorbell rang, there were knocks, and then a blood-thirsty scream. It was odd, but I just let it go. But as I eventually fell asleep, I hear an incredible crash. Something tremendously scary. I rush to the location in which I had heard the crash. Someone had broken into my home through my window. I rush to my room and grab my toy light saber, for things were about to get real. I then grabbed my laser pointer, just in case someone needed to get some vision loss in this battle. I see movement. I rush for the hit, and no solid contact is made, just a graze. And then I see him. He is so horrifying that I release my excrement. I run and scream and pure terror, but trip. He then walks over to be, and says, "I am ze Dr. Pepper. You shall pay for your wrong-doing." He then politely asked for the amount of money that I should of payed for the Dr. Pepper in the first place. I am confused, but I give it to him. I was about to ask politely if he would care for a nice cup of warm tea, but then I realized he is ze Dr. Pepper, so I ask him if he wants to go to the store and buy all of their Dr. Pepper with me. He and I then get into my car, and drive to a near-by gas station, in which he and I buy all of their Dr. Pepper. He died that night of a caffeine overdose.

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