Pokémon EEEVIIIL Red
Now this is a story all about how
my life got fucked up so bad
and I'd like to take a shit right in my chair
I'll tell ya all about how I became the princess of a place called Lavender Town.
In west Uncle Phil-adelphia
One day I started shootin some people in my neighborhood
I was killin a couple of guys outside of school.
Eventually, I got bored and began to walk home. Along the trail, there was an old redneck man selling old-ass video games while sitting behind a table.
I approached him. "Hey what do you have here?" I asked.
"Bunch of shit," he replied.
"Yeah, whatever the fuck," I said.
"But hey, I tell ya hwat though," he said
"Yeah?" I asked.
"You gimme a hundred and fifty dollars, and I will give you this creepy motherfucking hacked copy of Pokémon Red." The offer was absolute shit.
"You do realize that hacks give the game no value whatsoever, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, I know. But I don't give a fuck."
"Alright." I payed the $150 and went home with the game and began to play it. The game was apparently called "EEEVIIIL Red", which kind of sucks because I was hoping that it was one of those hacks in which you get an overpowered Pokémon at the very beginning or Misty appears naked or something similar.
Point being, the game was normal up until I got to Lavender Town. Where do I begin on what was wrong with this part?
Well, everything was hyper-realistic, everyone just talked about death and ghosts and shit, the Lavender Town theme was playing backwards and my character got killed by Alive Buried or A Berry Lived or some shit like that and I had to play through the rest of the game as my Charizard who, in the end, burned the entire Kanto region or whatever it was called to a pile of ash. Heheheh, a pile of Ash. Get it? Yeah, of course you do.
Bad joke aside, I went to go see that old redneck guy again for a refund on this shitty game, but he refused to take it back, so I had to FUS RO DAH him and steal my money back.
Then I went home, had some ramen, masturbated and went to the Trollpasta Wiki to share my cliched experience.
Written by ThatCelticFurry
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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