A Toy Story Ü Holiday Special
Part of the Toy Story Ü series.
The Night Before Christmas, something almost impossible happened. Something truly out of the ordinary.
A Toy Story Ü Holiday Special appeared.
No one knows where it came from. No one knows why it's here. No one knows if it even was made for this year.
But yet, here it is, like a holiday tune,
To wish you and your family a fat fuckin' Ü.
Woody awoke at the crack-ass of dawn.
"I feel", said Woody, "like something is wrong!"
So he went downstairs with his glock and his Ü, and found Mr. Potato Head making a stew.
"Oh, shit! Oh, yeah!" said Potato Head with glee, as he filled up his stew with like 9 pounds of weed.
"What the fuck are Ü doing, partner?" Woody did ask, for Mr. Potato Head was a bit of an ass.
"I'm making a stew for the holidays, Buzz!" Potato Head fussed, but since Woody wasn't Buzz, Woody said "what the fuck?"
Then Buzz came erupting out of the stew, and said "my, my, that's a fat fuckin' Ü."
Potato Head sighed at this talk of the Ü, so he spread his ass wide, and sprayed poo in the stew.
"How's that for your Ü? I just ruined the stew! Now you'll have to eat something else, you two!" Potato Head SCREAMED with the force of a boom.
Woody shook his head at the poo in the stew, and said "Seriously, what the fuck's wrong with Ü?"
Potato Head laughed, he shook with glee, as he SMASHED his face straight into stew, poo, and weed.
So then Woody whipped out his Panzerfaust 3, and he reeled his long Woody head back and SHRIEKED.
Woody screamed like a banshee, he readied his 3, and he BLEW UP POTATO HEAD LIKE FUCKING BENGHAZI.
Well, the other toys were still snug in their bed, but the big loud explosion woke Barbie and Ken.
"What the FUCK?" Ken yelled as he fell out of bed. "An explosion that big probably means someone's dead!"
So Ken ran downstairs, with Barbie in tow, and before long the two of them heard "HO! HO! HO!"
And what to their wondering eyes should appear, but Mr. Potato Head's severed left ear.
"Oh shit!" Barbie screamed. "Potato Head's dead!"
And Ken said "Serves him right. That FUCKER was wrong in the head. Stupid fuckin' Potato-ass fucked-up fuckin' potato fuck-"
Barbie dragged Ken along so that she could quiet him, because in this poem, Ken's rant just fucked up the rhythm.
As it turned out, the two then saw Potato Head, who despite his left ear, was definitely not dead.
Slinky Dog then appeared and yelled "The heck are you doing?" before printing a picture of Patrick Ewing.
He hung his picture on the shelf in a frame, before screaming "RETURN OF THE JEDI IS LAME!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed the Head, "DON'T TALK SHIT ON THE 6! THAT'S MY FAVORITE STAR WARS, YOU LONG METAL BITCH!"
So Slinky the Dog and Potato Head clashed, until suddenly, this scene changed at last.
What we saw now instead was not Toy Story though,
It was that STUPID FUCKIN' BABY EINSTEIN BLUE GOAT.
The Blue Goat Puppet cheered, and he yelled, and he said,
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results, but Kung-Fu Panda 3 is fuckin' trash."
And just as I wondered what he meant by that phrase, he stared into the camera, with his piercing goat gaze,
And as I wondered the meaning of this,
he farted.
Toot toot.
That was fucking it.
I had had enough of this holiday Ü, it was strange and disruptive, and rather gross too.
But suddenly Woody appeared with a bomb, as he screamed
"I'M FREDDIE MERCURY, AND THE SHOW MUST GO ON!"
And much like his ASININE Queen reference, Woody didn't know what the FUCK was goin' on. Does Woody ever know what the FUCK is going on? Seriously, maybe the world would be better off if that fuckin' bomb in his hand just exploded and took the fucker off the board forever.
Anyway, where the FUCK was I?
Oh, right.
The Polar Express FUCKIN' sucks. It's a creepy-ass fuckin' movie about some fuckin' prick who gets on a train and sings some stupid-ass song about hot chocolate before losing his friend's ticket to ride and then ripping a hole wider than the fuckin' San Andreas Fault in his pocket and losing a gift from Santa Claus. And WHY the fuck did I need to see that? They might as well have just shown me Santa splitting his pants and ripping a fat fart from his animated ass. Or the conductor could've just fucking thrown up all over the the tracks halfway through the movie. They might as well have just done that. You know Rotten Tomatoes gave this stupid film a fuckin' 56 percent? That's right, they gave that shitty fuckin' Polar Express BULLSHIT a green fuckin' rotten splotch for a score. Honestly, 56 percent is high fuckin' praise for this glorified fuckin' Auschwitz documentary. Man I hate that fuckin' movie.
Oh shit, my bad. I'm supposed to be talking about Toy Story Ü, so for the rest of this tale, that's what I'll do.
So Woody and Buzz set a table for two,
and they roasted Potato Head's corpse in his stew.
Then suddenly, just as I thought it would end, Woody and Buzz invited their friends.
Ken and Barbie, Slinky, Rex, and Hamm, even that fuckin' Blue Goat was part of their plan.
They sat down together, there was room at the table, because it was longer than in any toy's fable.
That's right, they were eating the humans' food, as Woody left a note that said "You know what, Fuck Ü."
And Hamm sat on a stool and he played a guitar, while Buzz told tales from his travels afar.
And Ken BURST through the food, for no one was quicker, and exclaimed
"Yo, anyone order a stripper?"
And all the toys laughed, they were merry indeed, and also high as fuck off Potato Head's weed.
How the fuck do toys smoke, you may ask?
Perhaps that's a question left better alone, for now let us celebrate, afar and at home,
For Christmas is here, and it's coming to Ü,
But don't download weird movies off of streaming sites, whatever you do.
Credited to Chimichangar
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