Adventure Time: The Smelly Ol' Clockstopper
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NSFW WARNING
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Warning: NEVER READ THIS!!!! CLICK OFF RIGHT THIS INSTANT! IT HAS NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!! READING THIS WILL DROP YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY DOWN THE DRAIN!
Hi my name is Brodacious Berginstien and I'm a huge fan of Adventure Time. It makes me jack off, just kidding. Seriously though, I really really like this show it is wonderful fun.
I got really horny a few days ago and decided to go watch my favorite childhood show to keep my mind off of it, which is Adventure Time, were you not reading the previous text? Anyways I booted up Carton of Nutmeg and scrolled throughout the episodes and saw an episode I've never seen before.
"What the fuck? I've never seen this episode before." I shouted at the top of my lungs. I then proceeded to scratch my head for the next 27 minutes until my scalp fell off.
The episode in question was called "The Smelly Ol' Clockstopper." The titlecard was drawn from memory but these are the basic details of it, along with a recreation of the theme.
I then switched off the lights and slapped on my 3D glasses and watched away, but trust me... this episode was FAR FROM NORMAL!!!!!! Also it didn't help me get my mind off of being horny so what a waste of time that was. The episode starts off with Fine watching LiveLeak beheading videos on BlasphemyMo whilst sitting on his couch sipping on a nice glass of nutmeg. "Say BMore, Joke's been gone getting that milk for about 3 weeks now" Fumble said while sucking through his crazy straw. "Ok" Bumcheek replied. Fun then went into a fit of rage and jumped around hollering like a banshee for exactly 49 seconds. I would know, I have 4 stopwatches in my pocket at all time. The next scene is then Jim at the flea market looking for milk. "Hmm..." John said as he fiddled his hands back and forth. Then, a shadow overshadowed Jail. The camera cut to Jab looking up at a tall figure wearing a trench coat with a clock for a face. "Looking for something?" The figure asked reluctantly. Jacket looked shocked, "Woah, man... How are you talking? You have no mouth!!" Jimble exclaimed.
The clockish figure loomed over Jaguar menacingly. "I'm just looking for some non-gluten vegan dairy free milk for my buddy Fond." Jackoff said with a sweatdrop dripping from his fat brow, sorry I mean supersized don't cancel me. The man stood, nodding his clocky head up and down. "Ok".
Then a hand grasped onto Jalapeño's face. This made me jump out of my chair and onto my roof and then it made me jump off and fracture my skull in fear. One trip to the ER later and I'm back and ready to attack. Then, some sort of gaseous liquid exited from the hand causing Jeans to look like a California Raisin. This made me screech, but that wasn't even the CREEPIEST PART!!!!!! The creepiest part was that text appeared and it said "Ice Cream owing to the blow he had received, lost his memory and wandered aimlessly on." for 10.3 seconds and then Ice King appeared and walked towards the screen. He then jumped out like Fat Albert and screeched "Erm... can I have a side of fries with that? Ayo? Sus?" and then he faded away. At this point my pants were caked in piss, but I did chuckle at the reference. Cheeky! 😉🍷
Then some white text faded onto the screen saying "Meanwhile... at the treehouse."
Fit was throwing a fit while Bimbo was in the corner shaking and crying of fear. "Fecal Matter, please I beg of you STOP throwing this terrible tantrum!" Butthole cried out. However, Flag didn't bat an eye. "Bernie Sanders, the reason I am in this catatonic state is because I think my good friend Jazz has just been turned into a raisin!!" Fake hollered out. "Don't be ridiculous, Fuckface, there is no possible way Jagged has been turned into a raisin." Bumblebee said in a nonchalant tone. Then the damned clock materialized into the Tree Dome and threw Justice's lifeless corpse on the floorboards."
Shark Fin looked furious, his face turning blood red. "Grr.. take THIS" In an agonizingly realistic sequence, Funnel chopped off the Smelly Ol' Clockstopper's little British willy. That's not even the scariest part though, I went to go take my minutely piss break only to realize my SMELLY SAUSAGE GOT CHOPPED OFF!!!! MY POOR DEFENSELESS PECKER!!!! How could you Pendleton Ward? Not only have you ruined my childhood, but also my dignity... That's not even the scariest part though, I looked in the mirror and my face was being turned into a clock. Oh no, oh no. I must stop this horrible fate.
My review of my hospital visit
The water was lukewarm 0/10
The aftermath
I've told everyone at my school about what happened that day. Some speculate that it was a drug trip, some shoved me into a locker, and most were worried for my mental health, but what do you think? Do you believe this story is true? I know you do, because you're a good little boy, or girl, or they/them, or she/it. Bye bye now!
My review of my second hospital visit
The water was subfreezing 0/10
My review of my visit to my grandma's house
T 0/10
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