Aliens Got My Wife Pregnant and No One Believes Me

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So my wife is pregant and it's not me because she won't let me kiss her cuz my beard is scratchy. I know it's aliens because I see weird lights and shadows in her room at night. She is acting strange(r than usual amiright dudes (#merika)).

I called the cops and the aliens must have used their mind control rays on them because they just looked at me like I was crazy. I think one of the aliens names is Mark because I here her saying the name mark at night. I found some alien paperwork on my kitchen this morning. I tried to read their alien langage but it's too hart to under stand. There alpabet looks a lot like ours so I will press the corasponding keys in the order they are on the paper. The paper says 'Daniel Libschitz: Divorce Attorney'. Someone help I'm like fraking out.

Sorry for bad gramer on mobile and Ingush isn't my first language and I'm currently being ubducted by the police and in handcufs and typing this behind my back at something the aliens call a bail hearing for violating a restraining order.


Credited to grghbbs 

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