Beth the Miller
Once upon a time, there was Beth. Beth McInsert, or Beth the Miller as she is often known. Let me back up here. Beth McInsert was the daughter of Edgeward McInsert. The Miller. He was called that because he worked at a mill. Anyway, he and his daughter were not on good terms and Beth McInsert, in all her special snowflake glory, was just too special to be understood by anyone. Thus she spent most of her time righteously moping in her bedroom.
One day, when her cruel father was getting sick of her and the Big Pharma Drugs (tm) that the school nurse was giving her wore off, Beth decided to go for a long walk instead of going to school. So off she went, humming a simple tune about death and the void that was her soul, without a care in the world. She was skipping along when she saw a game cartridge by the side of the road.
Strange, she thought. Who would put a game there when it absolutely definitely certainly 100% was not haunted? So she picked up the game and went to the home screen. It read HYPER-REALISTIC BLEEDING EYES BLOOD in ALL CAPS on the home screen. But that wasn't all. There was a man in the middle of the screen with hyper-realistic eyes that were bleeding blood everywhere and wouldn't stop. Everything was running red with hyper-realistic blood. Beth screamed and almost dropped the game cartridge. however, she managed to stare at the screen again and hit the PLAY button, which was hyper-realistic and in capital letters. The screen turned from red to hellish red and morphed into what looked like hell, which of course made sense, since the screen was hellish red. The text told Beth to CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER. The available characters were a demon, Beth's father, and Beth herself. Yet, how could that be? How could the game know who her family was? Well who cares. Beth chose herself and pushed GO, waiting for the screen to morph into the first level. The game's first level looked like a rope bridge over a lava river. Beth's character was standing on the bridge. The words flashed on the screen- LEVEL 1- HYPER-REALISTIC BLEEDING EYES BLOOD. Then the chase began. At first Beth had no idea what was chasing her or what she was running from, but it soon became apparent. It was a bear with hyper-realistic eyes. WTF was this game? Beth ran faster and faster across the bridge but the bear was faster. When she finally reached the end of the bridge, the rock exploded and the bear jumped down and ate her in midair in a disturbingly hyper-realistic fashion. On the screen were the words- "In soviet Russia, calm keeps you." Beth decided to continue, so she chose the back arrow which brought her to another level, this one a cool blue color with a bridge made of stone. The text read- LEVEL 2- HYPER-REALISTIC BLEEDING EYES BLOOD. By now Beth was terrified and in hysterics. Desperately she tried to escape the bear's clutches, but it was no use. He caught up to her. The text read- "In Soviet Russia, bear hunts you." Beth sighed and decided to continue, so she picked the back arrow again and it brought her to a screen that was green, like a green screen but not. To her horror, the caption read- LEVEL 3- HYPER-REALISTIC BLEEDING EYES BLOOD. Beth could barely contain her fear, and yet she managed to escape the bear longer than she expected. But still, some things were just meant to be, and her character was devoured once more. The screen faded to black before flashing seizure-inducing colors. Then a voice came out of the video game, saying, "You deserve to know a secret, Beth."
"How do you know my name?" asked Beth.
"Who doesn't?" asked the voice. "Do you want to know a secret that has been asked since the dawn of time, since the beginning of human civilization? Do you want to know... WHO WAS PHONE?!"
"Yes!" shouted Beth. "I DO want to know who was phone!"
"You are phone, Beth. You were phone all along, but you forgot it ever happened."
Then Beth died of shock and pure terror. It was reported the next day that her last words were,
"Skeleton..."
"Popped..."
"Out..."
Written by History Ferret
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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