Chris Chan's Dimensional Merge has Already Happened... We are DOOMED!
I wish I didn't have to tell you this story. I wish I didn't have to warn you of the things that I'm about to recount. I wish we could live in a world where things like this didn't exist... No one wants such a thing for humanity... The fact that we even have to consider such things means... well it means we've already lost...
Ok, so look I used to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu. But alas, our fair Goddess was recently imprisoned, but don't look to the lamestream media to tell you the REAL reason why. There was never any incest, the imprisoned our Godess for one reason and one reason only, she was preaching as close as any mortal could have gotten to the truth. Though, I confess that she didn't exactly get all the details right, there is one thing that is certain, the Dimentional Merge is not going to happen, it IS HAPPENING NOW! Unfortunately, there are many horrifying details that our Goddess got horribly wrong...
So lets get down to the nitty-gritty. How do I know the dimensional merge is happening? I have SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES! Better yet, I have a photo posted below:
So first of all, as you can see, a hyperrealistic Sonic has made its way into our reality, but notice its eyes... they're... wrong... and notice how distorted everything has become. And that creature in the background? Well, I hate to break it to you... but that's God. Like the REAL GOD. It turns out that all of the religions where WRONG except for a small cult called the Church of C'Shan. Appartently C'Shan is able to invade every universe and dimension, and it is slowly invading ours.
SO let me tell you how I managed to get this picture. I has just gotten through talking to Goddess Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu, and I had gone outside, and I heard a choir of voices shout, "TREMBLE MORTALS AND DISPAIR THE EYE OF C'SHAN IS UPON YOU!!! YOUR DIMENSIOAL MERGE HAS COME TO PASS!" I couldn't wait to meet Sonichu and my waifu Hatsune Miku, so imagine my disappointment/horror when a great portal opened to reveal the face of God (C'Shan). It said "THE EYE OF C'SHAN HATH SEEN YOUR SEARCH HISTORY AND NOW YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THE SICK AND TWISTED SONIC ORGY OF YOUR DREAM YOU FITHLY SINNER AND PATRONIZER!!!" Hyperrealistic Sonics started to appear and as you can see I got a picture of one. However there must have been dozens and they all startted chasing me. When they caught me they did... unmentionable things to me...
As my anus bleed and C'Shan laughed it was then that C'Shan said "BEHOLD MY HERALD AND MESSIAH TO ALL WHO WORSHIP ME!". Evil Patrixx then appeared and said "Indeed... now that you have served your penitence, you must denounce your faith in the one they call 'Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu' and accept C'Shan as your personal lord and savior!" "NEVER!!!" I screamed as I ran, but still the hyperrealistic sonics with barbed weenies were faster. "You cannot escape!" said Patrixx, "You might as well repent and turn unto the Eye of C'Shan!" I had no choice, but secretly in my heart, I was still loyal to my Goddess Blueheart.
After denouncing my faith in my Goddess, Patrixx said "Your words are cheap!" he then gave me a Sacrificial Dagger of C'Shan. "You shall slay your Goddess as a sacrifice unto the Eye, but know that it watches thee and shall pour its wrath upon thee if ye should betray the eternal God of Chaos!" I reluctantly agreed, and Patrixx said "Know that those who jail your 'goddess' shall allow ye to access her upon showing then the token I have offered thee!" So off I went knowing full well that I could not kill my Goddess. Nevertheless I went to Central Virginia Regional Jail, and indeed the guards seemed hypnotized when I showed them the sacrificial dagger, and lead me straight to Chris Chan.
Chris Chan was shocked and happy to see me there, but I told her of what C'Shan had told me, and what all was happening. She said "Y'all don't have to worry now, I can summon Sonichu! Electric Hedgehog Power!" this is what appeared:
"NOOOOOOO!" Chris Chan screamed, "That's not Sonichu!!! Some Troll done messed up the Merge!". The abomination said "HeLlO FaaaAaaTHer! I aM PiKonIc!" Chris Chan screamed "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" and Pikonic said "WhAt'S tHe MaTtEr? rEmEmBeR, FuZzY WuZzIeS GeT yOu HuGs, PrIcKlY WiCkLeYs GeT yOu SlUgS!!!!" pikonic then electrocuted Chris Chan and burnt her to a crisp before devouring the ashes laughing manically as it did so. "Speaking of Prickly Wickleys" a voice said I looked behind me and it was one of those Hyperrealistic Sonics with barbed pickles... I- I don't wana talk about this part again ok? Evil Patrixx appeared "THOUST FOOL!!!" He screamed "DIDST THOU THINKIST YE COULD EVADE THE GAZE OF C'SHAN? DIDST THOU THINK THE EYE WAS BLIND TO THE DECEIT IN YOUR HEART!!?!?!?!?!1!?!" Then Pikonic pounced and electrocuted me and I blacked out.
I regained contiousness outside of the jail, and I fled back to my house to write this. As I look out the window, I can see the distortion and corruption of C'Shan spreading. This was NOT what I was hoping the demensional merge would be like... Soon we will all be devoured by C'Shan, and Eldritch horror that seeks to recrate the multiverse in its image. I don't know if telling you this will do any good, but I have heard that there's this guy called Agent F who
PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN PRAISE C'SHAN
You're Next
The End
Written by Church of C'Shan
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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