Clichéed.exe.exe/Rawnd2:ShockifyingBOOgaloo
Here it is. After (insert amount of fucking months here) months, it's here. Clichéed.exe.exe/Rawnd2:ShockifyingBOOgaloo. This isn't even my final form. Or my "Magnum Opus".
Not really much to say... or actually...
Symptoms of reading this has a 10% chance of inducing either Ebola, "Sleepy Syndrome", "Walking Corpse Syndrome", mosquito bites, assholitis, bitchium, and the last 40% goes to complete eradication of brain cells. Good luck, asshole!
Also, satire. Ahem.
Oh, and also... Unfinished? I guess it's like P.T which makes Caddicarus' T.T's flee the C.T. So, like a playable teaser. Except its text. Readable teaser. Yaysies.
My name is Tom Kyle. I didn't believe in a place like this at first, aka I used to be a sceptic. But now, after my very dramatic death, I'm in a place I disbelieved in; Hell. See I'm an atheist. Anyways, I walked around in hell, and I saw people like Deadpool, Batman, and Barack Obama. Soon, I saw Allah-- I mean Satan. Yeah.
I said "Hello!" to Satan, and then he said "Wanna play a game?". I said "Sure, I wanna play Minecraft.". Then, Satan said "OK, here you go, a computer and a Minecraft game." Then I began playing Minecraft.
However, this game wasn't exactly Minecraft. It was called 'Super Hyperrealism Blood Death Miencwaft.anustarts'. I shrugged of the name, thinking "That's just a glitch, I'll keep playing". But that was my worst choice so far.
I made a world. I called it 'Batman's anus" and the world was being generated. But out of the corner of my eye, if saw a combination of words that shocked me. They said 'adding death'. I died of shock. But then I respawned, so I wasn't really dead. Then, the world was finished.
This wasn't a normal world. The grass was dripping hypersuperduperultraomegarealistic blood. I was shocked, almost to death. Again. Though I didn't die this time. Then, I saw a sheep. It was dripping with hypersuperduperultraomegarealistic blood, and it's eyes were hypersuperduperultraomegarealistic blood red. I killed the sheep, and got something. 'Blood wool'. But I just shrugged it off, seeing it as a glitch.
I saw many more glitches, like bloody cows and chickens, but I soon got diamonds. Or 'blood diamonds' as they were called now. Then, I died. And I respawned. In the game. But I had set the gamerule keepInventory to true. So i didn't lose my stuff. I then made some armor with the blood diamonds I had gotten, and then I went to the end.
I was now in the end. However, now it was called "Ur nekst". I didn't know what it meant, so I shrugged it off as a glitch. Then, the ended dragon came. But here, it was called bloody super duper dragon of death. I got killed by it. Then I died in the game and in real life. Then I went to purgatory. You're next, if you die.
In purgatory, I actually met Allah. He was a nice guy, just like that guy sexually assaulting people on the streets. Was it Billy the Sex Offender or Sam Pepper...? Oh well. We had a nice cup of air coffee, with an aroma and context of nothing, and I asked him if I could play a game with him. "Checkers?" he suggested. Then I slapped him. "We do not speak of that monstrosity." I replied.
"Well, what about DOTA?", he replied. "Oh, Defense of the Assholes? Sure." I replied. As Allah went to get the game, he said "Well, it's actually called Defense of the Ancie--", soon to be interrupted by my manliness. "It's Defense of the Assholes. Not Ancients. God, I have to say that to everybody, don't I?" I said angrily. Allah shrugged it of like a douche, and got the games down from the shelf and put them in the 2 disc trays connected to the computer standing on the table.
"How did you get all this stuff? I mean, it's purgatory, isn't it supposed to be completely white and empty?" I asked with a gleam in my eyes. He couldn't resist. "Magic" he said. "I thought you didn't believe in magic." I said. Gasp! Do you believe in magic, In a young girls hea--" I said, as he slapped me. "No. Don't. Anyways, I do believe in magic, it's that douchebag Jehovah that doesn't. Racist." Allah answered.
Then, we played DOTA. I played as Whatshisnameagain and Allah played as Whatarethesefictionalcharacterscalled. And I won. As expected.
Then, because Allah was a bad loser, he sent me to some Japanese classroom. Of course, I was sitting next to the window in the back row, and starring at the sky like someone who had never seen it before. Then some asshole came over and said "I love you-aru~". Then I smashed the window open with my manly arms and jumped out, killing myself in the process by slitting my throat with my manly arms.
But I didn't die. Or I did, I just respawned after some stupid respawn countdown. Then, I was playing Battlefield Heroes: The Game Nobody Gave a Shit About. I was a gunner and I ran around shooting assholes with my unlimited bullets. Cool. Then I got killed by a commando. Then I died and respawned in hell. And they were all there. Satan, Barack Obama, Batman, some Barney ripoff wearing a sombrero who always said "REWIND!!!!!1!", and of course Notch.
I punched and tea bagged Satan with my manly arms, ate Barack Obama with my manly arms, stabbed Batman and got electrocuted with my manly arms, fapped to and killed the Sombrero wearing dinodick with my manly arms, and shook Notch's hands with my manly arms. I am more than grateful for what he did, selling Mojang to the genius that is Microsoft.
Then, before Satan actually died (by my manly arms), he sent me to some pizzeria. I mean, I fucking love pizza, but what a loooooser. Then, I saw Freddy Fatbear, xXx_Duckiduckie_xXx, Bonnie the Shitrabbit, Bootyscanner Version 1.0, Yellow Demon Bear, and Sanic the Hedgehorg. Wait. SANIC?! I gotta catch that basturd! Then, he ran into a wall and died. I looted his corpse and ran, almost as fast as Shithead.
Then, I found the game that killed me; New Super Mario Bros 6669. "It's time for round 2, motherfucker!". However, it wasn't a game anymore. The power of Barack Obama, Mickey Mouse, Sombrero Wearing Dinosaur, Batman and Satan flowed into the game, making a monstrosity. I knew what I had to do. Fight the monster, and not run away (I'm rational, you see?). But I was only level 8, and the monster was level 1337. So I ran, even though it went against my will. Then, I grinded on slimes and goblins until I eventually reached level 1337. "Now it's really time for Round 2, asshole" I said to myself.
We fought for a long time. Approximately 2 days, 21 hours, 34 minutes and 6.66 seconds. We traded punches. I said he could have my right hand in his satanic balls if he patted me on the head. It was a deal. I had outwitted the monster, because I'm smart and rational. And level 1337. I killed it. The monster that sent me here. I gained 123456789 exp. points, and leveled up to level 1339. Gained 3 stamina points, 3 strength points, 729734 gay points for some reason and lots of other useless status points. Then, I saw a light...
(Insert Pulvermoose by Rymdkraft about 1 minute and 25 seconds in). Was it the gates to heaven? Or, even better, to pr0ns heaven? Nope. A truck. Then, I died. You're definitely next if you're as rational as me. Which is very rational, as you know by now. And I didn't respawn, unfortunately.
Turns out I did respawn though, but I respawned in a rather normal looking house. I saw some 17 year old shooting his mom while she had her back turned to him. He then turned around, instantly noticing me. Something I noticed was a little sign on his shirt. "Hello, my name is **** Evens". I blocked out the first name because of privacy rights n' shiz. Anyways, he began attacking me, firing my way. As I ran from the gunshots, I remembered the movie Halloween. Turns out he was trying to kill his family like in a scene in that movie. I found that out when I got home. Oh sorry, I didn't know that'd be important. Oh well. Let's try again.
REWIND
Turns out I did respawn though, but I respawned in a rather normal looking house. I saw some 17 year old shooting his mom while she had her back turned to him. He then turned around, instantly noticing me. Something I noticed was a little sign on his shirt. "Hello, my name is **** Evens". I blocked out the first name because of privacy rights n' shiz. Anyways, he began attacking me, firing my way. As I ran from the gunshots, I remembered the movie Halloween. Turns out he was trying to kill his family like in a scene in that movie. How did I find out? I took a look in his diary.
Yeah, I know, i'm kind of a peeping Tom, but see, that's something very important to the story. Anyways, after I had read a hilarious section of his pants getting pulled down at school, he found me, and he seemed infuriated. He shot multiple times, i'm not even sure there could be that many bullets in his current load of bullets. Oh well. I was hit and died.
Then, I respawned in a kitchen, as some random guy came (ppffffttttjshebrnvsbjhsdg) up to me. He said he was in some stupid ass group called the "Monster Squat". Or something like that. He asked me riggity ass questions about horror, like "was Frankenstein the name of the monster or the name of the guy who created the monster", I mean, who needs to know shit like that?! I barely escaped though, by breaking the windows with my manly arms. Then, I was sent to some other stupid place.
I was then sent into a room with an old looking mirror. I, for some reason, began questioning if it was cursed or shit. I was almost going crazy over this, like, was it cursed, or could it just be some bullcrap some stupid 4th grader came up with?! I kept thinking intensely about it, sometimes making stupid faces, as the camera circled around me, zooming in and out while speeding up the footage. Then, a face came in the mirror and it said "You're the unfairest of them all, now scram, I gotta play Hay Day 2. Oh, and happy Halloween. Oogly Boogly.". Then, I went to a place.
That place was called Shapes Sprint, it was apparently a very hard game, and not a place. I tried completing the first level, Stereotypical Insanity, and it was hard as my boner when I watch Miley Cyrus twerk. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I duck. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I dieted. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. Then I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And I died. And then I won.
Then (again), i found the game that had ruined my life and afterlife. New Super Mario Bros 6669. So I tried killing it. But they teamed up against me. Shithead, Sanic, Sonic, arcues, Shrek, some guys boyfriend, Barack Obama, Micheal Jackson, Satan, Batman, Baman, Spiderman, Piderman, Spoderman, Slenderman, Sloonderman. All of my friends, too, they combined turning into... SSSASSGBBOMJSBBSPSSSTKFT (Shithead Sanic Sonic Arcues Shrek Some Guys Boyfriend Barack Obama Micheal Jackson Satan Batman Baman Spiderman Piderman Spoderman Slenderman Sloonderman Tom Kyle's Friends Too). SSSASSGBBOMJSBBSPSSSTKFT immediately began attacking me. It was strong. But I killed it, cuz I was level 1700 now. But I wasn't actually dead. Then it smashed my beautiful face in with its arms.
REWIND
SSSASSGBBOMJSBBSPSSSTKFT immediately began attacking me. It was strong. Like, really really strong. Like, wow. I barely dodged its attacks, despite it's speed stat. If you want a pic, fuck you. It hulk-smashed me into the ground, leaving me stunned for approximately 6.32 seconds, leaving me stunned at such an intriguing number. But then, I heard a voice from far away. China, to be exact. It told me the following:
"Yo, dis is Burgle Flangle Cinnabutters, but ya can call'e BFC. I'm here ta help ya out, Creature of the Daycare, COD for short. Yo, mate, ya gotta kill'm in the dick, thats 'is weak point. Ya see da 3 black rectangles in'a triangular form, yo? That's 'is dick. If ya look closely, ya'an see dem triangular rectangular balls. Punch or kick'im there, and he be dead, yo. Ima go smoke'ome weed."
I felt a power surge through my veins. This power gave me strength and speed, as well as even manlier arms. I could also fly and shit, so that was the bomb. But the creatures wings blasted me to Disney Infinity, and I had a recap of my life. Worst recap ever, probably got, like, 2% at Rotten Tomatoes.
I saw all the shit I had encountered in my life. My birth, my first birthday, all that good shiz. Even my second-to-worst experience ever: playing Dragon Ball Budokai Tenkaichi 2 for the PS2. Eugh. Wait a sec, cut, cut! What the hell, I love DBBT2, man, why you do this? Oh shit, we got a badass over here! "Ihale my dong, engagement child?!"? That sounds stupid. First of all, I-- whoa, whoa, don't shoot! I swear, illl follow the script! Ok, ok, slow down, mate. Whew. Ok, i'll just finish this up, and we'll be fine, 'kay? 'mkay.
REWIND
I saw all the shit I had encountered in my life. My birth, my first birthday, all that good shiz. Even my second-to-worst experience ever: playing Dragon Ball Budokai Tenkaichi 2 for the PS2. Eugh. Horrific. Seeing all of this before me almost toldme somethingg. "Your life is too bad to waste...". That's what it said, I mean it! Anyways, it couldn't end here. And it didn't. In fact, I was stranded on an island with 2 Dimensions.
Some douchebag came up to me and said "Hey, yo, it's me, BFC, my bro! How you doin'? No, no, wait, I 'on't need to 'ear it. You're doin' great, right? Ye, ye, I 'ought so. Anyways, you 'beat that douchebag yet? No, no, you have a 'uge dent in yo dick. You lost 'idn't ya? Thought so." he said. "Excuse me, can I actually reply to what you're saying?" I said. "Well, yeah." he replied. But I killed him. He was quite a bother and i'm waaay too lazy to write any more conversion. It's tiring, you know?
So in this 2D land of dreams and hopes, I blew it to dust. Just kidding, I actually just dug into the earth and found gold, then I made armor out of it, 'cuz it's soooo much better than freaking iron, and then I fought a huge fucking eye. Sound familiar yet? If not, go to page 1337. If yes, go to page 420.
Then I went down towards the underground, but instead of actually getting underground, I just ended up at that stupid pizzaria again. Booooring. So I decided to go through the kitchen door as I did the last time I got out of here, but instead, I just came into the freaking kitchen. Whyyyy! That's not what I wanted! So I 360'ed out of the kitchen and then I ended up in a world called Lore, according to a red rat with a stick in his hands.
According to this riggity-ass fucking rat, the world of Lore was in chaos, as a Champion of Chaos had taken over the lands. Red-ass rat needed me (and a bazillion other fuckers) to beat this douchebag with 923297 HP, which is basically impossible without, like, 30 other lvl 65 Oracle noobs, which isn't even possible. So fuck that. This place was filled with a billion sidequestss, so why not.
—
Thanks for waiting for the sequel to Clichéed.exe.exe, if you even did that in the first place. If you want to read another "good" trollpasta made by me, try "Sanicthehedgehorg.exe.avi.idk". Seriously though, it's alright, I guess. Also, this baby's not done yet. I think we're, like, 60%. Yeah.
Written by Kaiscoolness
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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