Curse of the Pumpkin Spice Latte
Every autumn, there is a delicious beverage in Starbucks™, and it is a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I love that beverage. As if it was ambrosia, from the coffee goddess. The flavor, pumpkin. It is...beautiful. Each sip, I savor it. I never had such a beverage that tasted oh-so-good.
Until on one horrifying day on the fifth of November in 2013, I experienced hell. From the beverage I loved and adored, I was backstabbed. Backstabbed by a traitor called Pumpkin Spice Latte. You may be wondering, Why would such a beautiful Starbucks™ product give you hell? For one thing, no. I did not recieved hell, I experienced it. Thank you very much! Anyways, I am here to tell my story. My episode, which will reveal such horrifying paranormal events that can be simply called "Curse of the Pumpkin Spice Latte".
It was 6:42 PM, I was in a Starbucks™ in a local mall in New Jersey. There was a sale on Pumpkin Spice Latte, 33% off! Now, 33% is a drastic change of price, especially the fact that I am economically precious. When I ordered my Pumpkin Spice Latte, the cashier was shocked. Not the fact that I was ordering for the 57,632th time, but I was ordering the medium sized cup. A sized cup that wasn't order since 1972, which caused the worst paranormal episode in Starbucks™ history. I will not discuss this for...reasons. Anyways, I got the medium sized cup, and the cashier mumbled "Are-are you sure you don't want the small cup?" I denied. I wanted the medium sized cup. I WANTED IT!
I went home, in my beige '69 Chevy Nova, and I been hearing a weird groan. I keep on hearing,
DRINK ME. DRINK ME NOW, DAMN IT.
It was a ghastly cry, I was concerned. I looked at it. Stomach groaned. I grasped it. I sniffed it. Oh, the pumpkin. I must drink it. I MUST!
I drank it. It was beautiful. I LOVED IT!!
Yes...yes...drink!
What was that? I don't know. I better drink more. Mmmm...
When I arrived, I head to the shower. The color of my skin turned orange. Pumpkin orange. "WHAT THE HELL IS ON ME?!" I looked like a tourist from the Chernobyl nuclear power plant!! It was grotesque. I wondered. What is going on?
What caused this? Orange? Pumpkin? Pumpkin...PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE! HORY SHET! I PANICKED! I RUN!
I grabbed the latte, I screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!"
I LOVE TO TORTURE YOU
"EXPLAIN ME FOWL BEAST! WHO ARE YOU?!"
Je suis monstre!
"ENGLISH!"
I AM MONSTER!
"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?! A CREEPYPASTA?! A TROLLPASTA?!" (Oh wait.)
WHAT'S A CREEPYPASTA?!
"Creepypasta is the name given to all kinds of weird, urban legend-type things going on in the Internet. Some are stories, some are images, some are videos, and all of them are potential making-you-crap-your-pants material."
Thanks a lot, dictionary.
"You're welcome. Wait. I'm suppose to help you!"
"NO PROBLEM-O!
What the hell is that?!
"'Tis I, Jeff the Killer! And I know what you should do in order to stop that coffee."
"Jeff?! I thought you were evil!"
"Oh-ho-hoh! I am noncanon Jeff! The Jeff that is NOT TRUELY CANON!"
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!
"Why is that latte talking?" said Jeff.
I AM HAUNTED.
"Yeah, sure! B-u-l-l-s-h-i-t! I've seen better on the Goosebumps forums!"
Wat?
Well, Jeff killed it with a knife.
GOD DAMN IT, LOGIC!
And Jeff killed me with knife.
Wat?
Oh wait, I'm dea
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