Eat the Moon

This was a response to the question "If everything on earth suddenly became safely edible, what's the first thing you're trying?"

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Everything 'on earth'? Pfft, I got my eyes on the fucking Moon bro. Reword your question. Y'know I'd be up there gnawing on those moonrocks. That shit looks delicious. Get to the Moon and slam moonrock against my visor because I didn't realize that I still had my moonsuit on. Get into my moon-vessle, take out my knife and fork, start wolfing down the Moon. You already know that the tides are gonna be lower when I'm going fucking HAM on the Moon. Maybe make a Moon-soup. Tell all the NASA-guys that they don't need to pack any of that astronaut-food-muck because I'll have a whole-ass celestial object to chew on. I'm gonna need a doggie-bag when I leave cause I know I'm gonna be hungry for some Moon on the way back. I'll probably have problems sleeping because I'm thinking about that fucking sublime taste bro. Please give me another piece of Moon. I'll fucking die if you don't shoot me up there again. What, you don't think I'm eligible to go again? Bro, you're a fucking scientist bitch. I'll strap myself to the next rocket to the Moon, with or without your permission. I'll fucking melt in the heat of atmospheric friction, I don't give a shit. I need Moon between my jaws, next to my gums, in front of my uvula. Maybe just build my own rocket. You know what? Go stick a fucking donkey bitch up your ass bro. I'm gonna get to the Moon again. Shit tastes like the tears of god bro. They're gonna bury me with my last crumb of Moon. I'm gonna be sitting next to these wheelchair motherfuckers in the old people's home who've never even been close to the Moon. I'm just gonna be fucking babbling nonsense about that divine moment my tongue touched that first piece of Moon. I'm gonna die of fucking starvation bro. I'm gonna refuse the tainted food from this fucking bitch-made planet. Hasta la vista you shit-bitches.

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