Fart 90.exe
once upon a time my name is Daniel and I found this mysterious copy of sonic 1 at a yard sale for 5 dollars. at the time it was Christmas and i wanted to get something for my son, kringle dingle shmingle the third, and it would be perfect too because my son got a sega genesis for his 30th birthday. With the game ecco the dolphin. ever since he played that game he has been extremely kinky around dolphins, so much so he searches up dolphin porn r 34 on his cracker cracked iphone 3. Anyways there was this old man in charge of the yard sale, his name was Fredrick flabbergast fart Frederickson. he wore overalls, had 1 chipped ass tooth, 2 broken fingers, one is his right pointer finger and the other was his left thumb and he broke them exactly 14 years ago with a hammer because i like to add stupid ass lore to this long ass fucking story. anyways he warned me "This game is fucking... SHIIIIIIT!!!!!" all scary wiener like, and it scared the ever loving FUCK out of me to the point my pants and underwear dropped and my penis flapped up and down like a giraffes neck on crack pissing fucking everywhere. The old man screamed "YOU FUCKING QUEER STOP PISSIN ON MY PROPERTY BRUH! *braps*". "HAVE THE GAME FOR FREE SINCE YOU WANNA URINATE ON MY LAWN" furiously shouted the boomer furiously. I pulled up my underwear and pants and went home to see if the game worked, last time I got a game from a yard sale that shit was busted up and had cum stains on it. i popped this piece of crap in and what do you know it doesn't work, i tried blowing the cartridge, fucking the cartridge, sniffing the cartridge, letting the cartridge fuck me, but it wasn't until i smeared my own feces and plugged in my gorilla shit controller it FINALLY FUCKING WORKED.
the title screen was normal, sonic wagging his booger picked finger like always. with that "i played with your moms testicles" grin. but as soon as i pressed start, the music made my ears fucking BLEED. IT WAS HORRIBLE. OH MY GOD. The sky was yellow, it had the title card "poop hill zone", the water was just filled to the brim with poop. but the worst thing of all was sonic... he looked... very... strange... he had black fur with orange head spikes and always had this horny expression on his face. even worse was when he rolled/jumped, he farted while paddling like a dog on his back EVERYWHEREEEEE. i got to the end, and eggman on the signpost had bloodshot hyper realistic bloody sad eyes, almost as if, his eyes were farted on to death. by the way, in the manual it says "this sonic recolor is named sonic 90, the sexy gay hedgehog with the spiked haircut and fart sneakers that give him super feces. his victims are robotnik, and your mom and dad if you don't beat the game... DA̵̟̜̙͂Ń̵̢̢̹̻̖̝̮Ĭ̵̼̳̓̚Ȅ̷̠͇͍̊͝L̶͖̙͂́̆͠". MY MOM AND DAD IF I DON'T BEAT THE GAME!!!?!!?!??!??!?!! WHAT THE FUCK I GOT TO BEAT THIS. I passed poop hill after defeating eggmans big dingle berry wrecking ball and went to dingle bell zone. there's lots of ads for taco bell here, and the lava is turds. this is the closest we get to having a sewer level. i picked up the extra life thats stuck in the block and it made this... scary... buzz... noise... for the rest of the... level... and what a boring ass level that was. you had to wait on this floating block for a long time and there was a screen chase sequence and if you fucked up you had to do the shit all over again. i want a refund for this even tho i got it free, 6 trillion years of my life wasted. once again defeated the boss and went to spring fart zone.
spring fart zone is just a green boogery torn down casino looking ass place. nothing much except these annoying fucking signs telling me to cope OH MY GOD THAT MAKES MY SWEATY DISCORD MODDERATOR ASS SO MAAAAAAAAD FUCK YOU. I had enough of this fucking game and just entered the level select code to the final stage and defeated the boss. this was just when, all hell broke lose. sonic 90 came out of my tv and said "ONLY CHEATERS ENTER THE FART LEVEL SELECT, IM GONNA KILL YOUR PARENTS!" i threw my dusty old ass rocking chair at him but he caught it with his mouth and vored it. i ran to the bathroom and took a quick piss and washed my hands of course, imagine not washing your hands in 2022 IN THESE SUCH DEVASTATING TIMES and sonic 90 saw my wet fingers and got scared. he muttered "DON'T TOUCH ME YOU ARE CLEAN". this gave me the idea to splash water and soap on him, its obvious now, hes only into dirty stuff so we got to make his ass clean so he dies. i got 3000 bottles of shampoo and only 1 was needed to kill him. damn. what a pussy. anyways i had enough of this shit and flushed the game down the toilet. never for it to be seen again. i have made it available through a rom file BUT BEWARE! SONIC 90 COULD FART ON YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE PLAYING THIS GAME!
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