Five Dank Nights at the Museum: Night 1

I'm a detective, and I'm damn good at my job. Four hundred and twenty hours ago, the night guard at the Museum of Natural History disappeared, and I was supposed to find him. At midnight my partner Jeeves and I locked ourselves in the museum and Jeeves swallowed the key. That's how dedicated we are to our jobs. "Have I ever told you how great of a partner you are Jeeves?" I asked Jeeves. "Yes" said Jeeves. We turned around and saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex on display. We would normally be okay with this, but it had no skin and was a skeleton and walked toward us and said "drink your milk to get strong bones" Jeeves and I got spooked and ran away towards the door, but it was locked. Then Jeeves choked on the key and died. I knelt down by his body and ripped off his mask saying "who's the real culprit?" But it wasn't another person, it was a spooky skeleton! The skeleton reached into my pocket and pulled out a trumpet. He whispered in my ear "wanna hear my mixtape?" Before I could say yes, he blew the trumpet and I flew back against the wall and got knocked out. I woke up 666 hours later and looked around. I was still in the museum, but on a horse and there was man riding on it with me. He turned around and it was ex-president Theodore Roosevelt! He pulled some dank kush from his mouth and said "Come with me if you don't want to die"

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Credited to thedefconn 

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