Forrest Gump's Suicide
I just want to start off by saying if you want a decent story, prepare to be disappointed.
I was an intern at Bubba Gump Shrimp in 2 days ago for my degree in being an intern. It wasn't paid of course, most slaves aren't paid, but it did have some other perks beside getting blowjobs from the boss's 21 year old daughter.
Now, since I was beaten senselessly by the editors (they make shrimp AND Forrest Gump sequels)I got to view the movies days before they aired, usually because someone was using me as a chair. I'll get right to it without giving too many unnecessary details. My favorite color is blue my social security number is 9675309-90210 and i like long walks on the beach.
They had very recently made Forrest Gump 3: DeForrestation and the entire staff was sapped (just like the trees) of creativity so it took them longer to get Tom Hanks to agree to make another fucking sequel. But the delay lasted longer for those exact reasons.
Me and two other interns were in the editing room after a long Dunkin Donuts coffee run, and so were all the people who aren't fucking useless. We recieved a copy that was supposed to be "4rest Gump" and we all gathered around the campfire to watch our campfire Gump our C A M P F I R E G U M P Gump. Now, give that we are sadists, animators often put up a mock title card, sort of an edgy dank meme for us, with phony, often l00d titles, such as "assless chaps xDDDDDDDD" instead of that one Jimmy Neutron episode "When Pants Attack" where they get attacked by pants, shocking I know. Nothing particularly funny, but something hilarious. So when we saw the episode name "Forrest Gump's Suicide" we thought it was fucking hilarious xDDDDDDD
One of the interns laughed hysterically at it. He was soon put in a mental hospital. The happy music played as normal except nobody has ever seen this before. The movie started with a still image of Forrest Gump smoking mad weed while having a Vietnam flashback. While the still image was up, we could still hear the audio, such as people screaming and crying for help, nothing too important to us.
Eventually the movie actually started having motion in it. The movement starts with Forrest in Vietnam. Similar to the first movie, he says " I gotta save Bubba!" and runs back to get him. This time it was different, however. He shoots 30 people as he goes to get Bubba, and when he finds him, Forrest realizes it's actually Shrek he found. Shrek shoves onions in Forrest's face as he snaps out of his flashback. We see he killed 30 innocent people, and Forrest remembers that Bubba has been dead for years. Shrek was totally real though.
Forrest didn't really feel guilty about it though, it seemed. But then something awful happened.
Forrest was playing Call of Duty when....
Someone called him a skrub!
The movie then glitches and cuts to a hyperrealistic image of Forrest in a forest. he is crying deeply with hyperrealistic crying sounds. The movie just sits like this for 30 minutes then ends.
Pretty anticlimactic.
Written by DankDunkey
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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