Friend Controlled By Skeleton
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking. "Yeah, right OP. Like that's true hardy har har." I would think the same thing too, except I know for a fact that it's true.
It all started two days ago. I was talking to my pal Joe. He was acting different though. He looked anxious and shifty. He kept quickly moving his eyes around, looking back and forth. I asked if he was okay and he said "Nice seeing you, Cotton but I've gotta go, uh, take care of something".
I thought it was strange so I said "what are you talking about? What do you need to take care of?"
"I just really need to leave right now. I'll see you later."
Boy, was that weird. I know that you probably don't believe me and you think I made this up just to scare you people, but I swear on Eddie Rickenbacker's grave that it is all true.
I decided to call my other friend, Sally. I said "Sally, have you noticed Joe acting weird recently?"
"Yeah, I have. He came over to my house and a few minutes later, looked anxious and shifty. He kept quickly moving his eyes around, looking back and forth." Sally replied.
"That's exactly what he did to just now!" I exclaimed.
Sally said "I've got an idea. Let's meet up at the park and we will discuss what's going on. Bring a notepad, a pen, a magnifying glass, cigars, and your Deep Throat Halloween costume."
"Which Deep Throat costume?" I inquired.
"The Watergate scandal one, from that movie" she said.
The next day, I grabbed all the things Sally told me I would need and headed to the park. I waited there for five minutes, and Sally arrived. We stood beneath a tree that was away from the busy parts of the park so nobody would overhear us.
"Alright, Sally. What is it you need to tell me?" I asked.
"Cotton, hold on to your hat for this. I think Joe has a skeleton in his closet." Sally told me.
I was puzzled. "what do you mean by that?" I asked.
Sally replied "it means that a skeleton has gotten into his house. We may have accidentally summoned it while you, Joe, the rest of the gang, and I were joking around with that Ouija board at his house a few days ago. It made its home in Joe's closet."
I was flabbergasted. In all my days, I - hang on, I know you don't believe this story. I know I wouldn't. It sounds ridiculous, but what you are reading is the most true thing to ever be typed. - never thought that we would accidentally let a skeleton into Joe's house. I hardly even believed in skeletons.
"What should we do?" I asked Sally.
Sally said "well, first, we need to be absolutely certain he has a skeleton in his closet. We'll have to watch him for a while to make sure. It's a good thing you bought that windowless van on sale last week at Mad Mike's Used Van and Truck Emporium: the only used van and truck emporium *you** will ever have to visit again.*"
"That is good" I said. "I will only buy used van and truck parts from Mad Mike's from now on."
We went back home and met up at the same place early the next morning. We hopped into the van and drove over to Joe's house. We parked across the street and waited for him. We put our findings into this journal which I transcribed to make it easier for you readers:
Day 1:
9:03: Joe left house.
followed Joe's for ten minutes until he arrived at Publix (9:13)
Joe enters Publix and we follow (9:15)
Joe buys 6 bottles of whiskey. The most alcoholic thing Joe ever drinks is wine normally.
9:42: Joe leaves Publix.
9:52: Joe arrives at home. Joe stays in house.
22:46: Joe takes his dog outside
Day 2: Joe leaves house at 10:33. His eyes are bloodshot. He puts on sunglasses and gets in car. We follow him until he arrives at the mall (10:40) We follow him in. He buys a bunch of new clothes.
11:55: Joe leaves mall.
12:03: Joe arrives home.
Day 3: We watch Joe's house all day from the van across the street. He doesn't leave once.
On the fourth day, Sally and I got worried.
"Should we go and knock on his door to see if he's alright?" I asked Sally.
"No," Sally answers "then it will be obvious that we were watching him. I've got an idea. I'll call him from my cell phone and ask what he's up to. It'll just sound like I'm calling for a friendly conversation."
Sally took out her phone and dialed Joe's number
"Hello, Joe. It's me, Sally. I was just wondering what's up, I haven't seen you for a while. Oh. Yeah. Uh huh. Say, why don't you, the gang, and I go out for lunch today. What do you say about that? Oh. Yes. Oh, well sorry to bother you. Okay, I'll see you around. Bye"
"Well, what did he say?" I asked.
"He said he's too busy. He has some kind of 'business' to 'take care of'." She answered.
"What do you think, Sally? Does he have a skeleton in his closet?" I asked her.
"Absolutely." she replied. "The skeleton is controlling him and telling him what to do and threatening to turn him into one if he doesn't do what it says. Remember when he bought all that liquor? It's because the skeleton told him to. Also, it told him to buy it all those new clothes. I saw it in a movie."
"Why doesn't the skeleton just go out and buy all those things himself?" I asked.
Sally said "because the skeleton is absorbing the power from Joe's closet and using it to transform...."
"Into what?" I asked.
Sally replied "...into a super skeleton. You see, the messier a closet is, the more power a skeleton can absorb from it. That's why parents always tell their kids to clean their closets."
It was worse than I thought. We really had to help Joe, otherwise a super skeleton would be on the loose and it would be all our fault. I know what you're thinking "what a sham. You big liar. We know that this isn't true. It's simply too ridiculous". Well, you've got to believe me that it's all real. This all really happened to me.
"What do we do to stop it?" I asked Sally.
Sally said "we have to go into his room and do the skeleton extraction ritual. But first, we need some supplies"
We drove to Publix and picked up some sage, a box of matches, a metal bowl, and some salt. Then, we went to the local church and met the pastor.
"Pastor, we need you to help us." I said.
"What is it, Cotton?" he asked.
I told him "we need some holy water and we need you to come with us."
He said "Well, I can't do that. There's a service starting in ten minutes."
I said "but sir, it's an emergency! My friend has a skeleton in his closet!"
The pastor's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "I've only heard of that one other time. We'd better hurry if you want to save your friend."
We got in the van and I drove us as quickly as possible to Joe's house. We came to a screeching halt in front of his house. We busted down the front door and went into his house. "Joe, everything's going to be okay. It's us, your friends. We have a pastor here to help you." I yelled
Joe didn't reply. We ran into his bedroom. He was tied up on his bed with tape over his mouth. The rope and tape were growing with spooky green skeleton ectoplasm. We saw the skeleton in the closet. It was glowing with all the power it was gaining from the closet. the transformation was almost complete. We put the sage in the bowl and lit it on fire. We set it on the floor and drew a large circle around it with the salt. We jumped inside the circle and took turns spraying the skeleton with holy water from squirt guns. The skeleton sat in the fetal position, screaming with agony already. We recited the skeleton extraction ballad:
Skeleton, skeleton, go away
Come again another day.
If you don't, I don't care.
I can see your underwear.
Just in the nick of time, the skeleton vanished. The rope and tape on Joe also vanished. he said "boy, am I glad to see you guys. How can I ever thank you for saving me and the world?!"
"No need to thank us." said Sally.
The pastor cleared his throat to speak. "I guess that skeleton is... dead to rights."
We all shared a hardy laugh.
The end (?).
Credited to cottonheadedninnymug
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
