Garfield Kart
So I was sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart and my girlfriend told me about Garfield Kart. I bought Garfield Kart for the Nintendo 3DS and my mom said no but I don't care, she probably pooped her pants. I went to Starbucks to test out my new game and as soon as the game loaded, the title screen appeared but something was off. Garfield was orange. I decided not to mind the little issue. The race started and I decided to test my NES controller with this, it went swell. After the first race, I was hooked, after the 4th race, something was weird. The whole race course had one white side and one black side. Standing in the middle, Garfield was facing the black side. He turned his head to me and what I saw was horrible. His eyes were black and had small red pupils, blood pouring down like a waterfall. He spoke. What came out of his mouth was just as horrible as his appearance. He said fuck. I was horrified, I wanted to pull my ears off but there was a bagel on the sink. I threw my 3DS on my bed and I jumped into the corner of my room, sat down, and cried. My mom busted the door down and kicked me in the fucking face so god damn hard that my blood was all over her. One day later. I had moved on, I had to go through many therapists to help me move on. I had grown up so much. I am 43 years old and I now have a wife and four kids. My wife has cheated on me once but that's okay, I got a free Minecraft edition xbox controller. I decided to revisit my old home, all memories of being there have faded because I was only 2 years old at the time I lived there. I knocked on the door. The door immediatley opened and what I saw was strange. Behind my mom's hanging body were pants that read "fuck you, Zachary." I decided not to take it too seriously. I went upstairs and into my room, nothing has changed. I sat down on my bed as I was gonna take a nap I noticed something, my 3DS cut my foot off. I took the 3DS and opened it up, it was fully charged and everything was there like before, including Garfield Kart. Horrible memories came back. "Hmmm, haha broken feet legs" I thought to myself. I decided to do four races like before and on the fifth race, it happened again, but this time, the race course was Hell. The competitor racers were having a tea party. The only racer left was me and Garfield. Garfield look at me and said, "your so stupid." Three... two... one... The race started and we drove as quick as we can, Garfield was really fast but I tried my best. Garfield won the race and came out my screen. Standing on my tippy toes, he stared at me. He unzipped his skin revealing something horrible. It was Sans Undertale. I grabbed my Legend of Zelda replica sword and sliced him like Jello but he came back. He grab me by the toes and showed me picture of him sucking my girlfriend's dick. I screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sans look at me and grinned. "Maybe you no poo poo pee pee in my Buffalo Wilde Wings next time. Okayyyy" he said in a horrifying and demonic voice. I praised to God to help me but he say no so I okay with that so me and Sans become best friend. We like to watch spongebob and play Family Guy: Undertale Edition. 5 years passed on. Sans has sadly passed away at the age of of asterisk. I kicked his dead body everyday to pay my respects. One day, his jacket came out and I noticed a little badge, I picked up the jacket and looked at it. The badge was a Buffalo Wilde Wing advertisement badge meaning this entire thing was set up by Buffalo Wilde Wing. Garfield in a gray translucent behind bars appeared, "Please help" he said. Me, my grandpa, my sex robot from school, two random guys, and our Boston Terrier joined our quest to save Garfield. We went across the street to Buffalo Wild Wing and we came in. What we said inside traumatized our perfectly Christian brains. It was Dio Brando, leader of the Buffalo Wilde Wing fan club, sitting down next to Garfield cage. "Fuck, I piss on my leg" Garfield cried. Dio got up and slowly walked towards us. "So you think it's Tuesday but it actually Thursday so food not on sale today okay bye" Dio calmly said groping my balls turning me on. My sex robot from school asked what time it was and in no time flew out the building with Dio somehow in front of her. The dog found out about his ability but we killed him because he doesn't speak any fucking English. The random dude my Grandpa brought with him also died, but it was because his homework was at home. Dio laughed and brought out his stand, Arby's. "Secretly ability make letter D" Dio said in that smooth soothing voice of his. I shoot him in the fucking face and took Garfield out and we had sex the end.
Written by Kaijumania
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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