Garfield Kart ruined my life
Joke Steam review by CrazySniperCatt0
Day 1. Once I got the game for free from fanatical I started playing I shrugged it off as a Mario kart ripoff. I went to bed afterward because it was 2:00 am... but I couldn't sleep. I felt this gravitational pull between me and Garfield kart. I could not sleep until I saw Garfield again. But I resisted knowing that it was a Mario kart ripoff. I did not sleep that night.
Day 2. I went to work tired but energetic. When I got to my job as a cashier a little boy wearing a Garfield mask showed up at the store with his mom. He placed the items on the counter but I did not respond. I passed out just to wake up in the hospital but little did I know there was a Garfield convention right next to the hospital. I knew I was not supposed to leave the room but despite this, I ran around naked through the hallways screaming "HERE I COME GARFIELD". The nurse tried to stop me but their efforts were in vain. I ran into the Garfield convention naked. It was when everyone stared at me was when I realized I was naked in a Garfield convention. The police were called and I was escorted out of the convention crying about not seeing Garfield. I then went to the county jail where I was released with a ticket of 200 dollars for public indecency. I walk home using some clothes I found in the trash. I turned on the tv just to see that I was on the news! I cried in shame as my wife barrades me for doing that. I went to sleep sad but I once again could not sleep. I could resist it no longer... I booted up my pc and launched Garfield kart and I felt as if I were home safe. I was happy. I played as Garfield and chose the track set in Iraq. As I drove through the track I noticed Garfield was looking at me in the eyes. He stopped the car and... talked to me... I knew I was just tired so I went to bed.
Day 3. The next morning was my day off. I went to my PC to play call of duty with friends. But I noticed there was a plate of lasagna on my keyboard. I ate it without question because I thought my wife made it for me. When my pc started I felt another urge to play Garfield kart... I boot up the game and start a race on the same stage. Garfield talked to me instead of starting the car... he said "how was the lasagna?" I was surprised he knew about the lasagna. I turned on my microphone and said "it was good". He then replied "do you like my cooking?". I was silent for a few seconds and said "yes". My wife came in to see me talking to my best friend Garfield she said "What on earth do you think you are doing!" I reply with "You're a towel!". My wife stares at me while looking confused. She leaves me alone. I talked to Garfield all day but when it was time to sleep I felt sad...I was unable to sleep but my wife was making sure I wouldn't talk to Garfield.
Day 4. My wife presents divorce papers to me because of me and Garfield. I happily signed them so we would get divorced so she wouldn't nag at me about how I should not talk to Garfield. I was happy. I learned how to make lasagna that day and I made my very first lasagna! Garfield told me he wanted it so I smeared it all over my pc screen so he could taste it. Garfield told me that day... "I love you". I cried tears of joy. "mee too" I said while crying. I cried every night when I had to sleep. I eventually slept that night.
Day 5. I had become loyal to Garfield. For breakfast, I cooked some lasagna for me and Garfield. We talked and laughed. I had so much joy. My boss called and asked why I was not at work and all I said was "I'm happy" he replied with "you can be happy at work too" and threatened to fire me if I did not come to work that day. I reluctantly agreed to come to work that day knowing I would have to be away from Garfield for a while. I worked all day at the register and all I could think of was Garfield. When it came to lunchtime I ate a tuna sandwich but something was off... I didn't enjoy it. I refused to eat my lunch and therefore I starved myself willingly. When I got home I made some lasagna and told Garfield about the day.
Day 6. instead of lasagna I tried some pizza to no enjoyment. I tried hotdogs which I also did not enjoy. It was almost as if I only enjoyed lasagna... I refused to come to work claiming I was violently ill. I came to Garfield to talk about my food problem just to be interrupted by my dad calling me to ask if I were ok. I told him I was okay but when he suggested I go to a doctor I called him a dirty fucker knowing he was just jealous of my devotion to Garfield. He hung up. and the rest of the day was being lazy and talking to Garfield. I ate lasagna with Garfield.
Day 7. I had lost my sense of reality not realizing I went from 150 pounds to 170 within a day of eating lasagna. Garfield suggested that we should take a drive around. I agreed and we took a tour of the course set in Iraq. when we were done Garfield asked if he could come out of the screen. I agreed swiftly. He starts crawling out of my screen and once he is out he hugs me. I no longer had to stay at the computer to talk.
Day 8. I caught Garfield grabbing a knife while whispering "eliminate the lasagna haters". I did not approach him in fear that he might try to do something to me. He tells me later that day "I have stopped loving you fata** and you might as well kill yourself kiddo" I started crying. As Garfield walks out I start crying some more. I had gone from 170 LB to 490 LB within 3 days all for Garfield. I wondered to myself "was I manipulated by Garfield?" and "why would he do that?". I stop being able to function normally because of Garfield's disappearance. I started drinking lasagna in hopes that he would come back.
Day 9. Despite all this, I had ignored the worst part of all this. My liver was failing due to lasagna. I could no longer walk due to Garfield's absence. As I thought to myself "was I tricked by a sense of false happiness?" My liver failed that day due to me not going to the doctor for the transplant. I wondered as I slowly died "was it all worth it just to see Garfield for a week?" and "was my time truly wasted?". My final minute was used calling Garfield and begging him to come back. He refused despite my need. I died while on the phone with him. Garfield visited where I was about to die. I whispered "I love you" and Garfield whispered "I love you too"
This game RUINED my life... but it was worth it in the end
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