Holder of Swag

In any country, (except South Korea because fuck them) in any city, you can find an old building or mental hospital. When you enter, if the person at the desk is a man, you are safe. If it is a woman, you will die the slowest and most painful death ever by being nagged to death. Ask the man "I want to see the Holder of Swag." If you speak incorrectly or stutter, your liver will explode no matter what, and rats will eat your decaying body as you descend into hell.

If you speak correctly, he will make a face that looks like he just shit himself. Offer him a towel. If he accepts, he will use the towel to strangle you to death. If he refuses, carry on. The man will lead you through a doorway, far down in the corners of the building. He will reach for the door, but don't let him open it. (That's not important to the ritual, but he just shit himself, so you don't want him spreading germs.

Enter through the door, but only after 3.7 seconds, or you will be forced to listen to disco music for eternity. In the hallway, there are several pictures of cute dogs. DO NOT look at this pictures, or the dogs will jump out of the paintings and eat your face. You should hear some whispering. If it stops, you must clap your hands 77 times in 17 seconds. If you do not do EXACTLY that, a giant foot will fall from the sky and step on you.

Continue going, and enter the door at the end of the hallway. Here, you will see the Holder Of Swag, also known as PATRIXXX. As the X's in his name suggests, he loves porn. Give him the 2011 sexiest female swimsuit model, for it is the only one not yet in his collection. PATRIXXX will gladly accept, and get a huge boner.

This boner is object 69 of 420. Never let them come together... for if you do...

A skeleton will pop out.

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