Horse
I was bored today. Really bored. I didn't have anything to do. I tried playing some video games and watching movies, but eventually I just shut them off. I needed something more exciting. Something that would make my day memorable. I went out of my bedroom and started to eat a banana.
My friend sent me a text at that moment. I checked my phone; It looked like spam, but I read it anyway.
Scavenger hunt in town! Follow this link. https://img.gamers.cookies.horse.com
I didn't click that shit. I'm not a dumbass. My friend probably got hacked. Poor guy. I put it back in my pocket and went back to eating the banana.
My phone vibrated again and I saw the same message sent to me by another friend:
Scavenger hunt in town! Follow this link. https://img.gamers.cookies.horse.com
I was starting to get annoyed. I turned off my notifications and finished my banana. I threw the peel in the trash, and walked outside. The air was crisp and warm, and made me want to take a walk. I locked my door before leaving, walking down the sidewalk enjoying the weather. That's when I saw a piece of paper laying on the ground underneath a rock. I picked it up.
It just had the letter "H" on it. How weird. I held onto it and kept walking, not wanting to litter. I got to a crossing where a car was going by, and some asshole threw a wad of paper at me! I opened it up...
H-O? This had to be a coincidence. I kept walking, and walking. I was getting ready to cross the street, but the cars kept coming. I was trying to wait for a break in the line of cars, but there were just too many. I gave up after 10 minutes of trying to cross the street, and headed downtown where all the shops were. A hobo ran up to me.
"Got a dollar, buddy?"
"Yeah, I have a dollar... here... it's in quarters...." I said, as I gave him 4 quarters. He smiled at me and looked me in the face for a minute.
"I don't know why, but I think I'll give you this." the hobo said, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a sheet of paper. Already knowing what was coming, I unwrapped it and looked at the giant letter:
H-O-R... HORSE? Is that what these pages were going to spell? I didn't get the significance. I didn't own a horse. I didn't pet a horse in the last 5 years. I didn't see a horse since 2 months ago, but it was a quick glimpse. What did this mean? I started to run down the sidewalk, and went into the dollar store. I looked around for a long time just for fun, and even saw the hobo come in and buy something with the dollar I gave him. Then I saw him drive off in an expensive car. AN EXPENSIVE CAR! He wasn't a hobo at all! Then, someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Can I help you find anything?"
It was a woman who worked at the store. She was looking at me like I was lost.
"Nope... I don't need anything..."
"Are you sure?" she asked me. "Someone told me to give this to you. He described you perfectly. Here."
She handed me a piece of paper. I already knew it said "S" on it, so I didn't even look at it.
"Was it the hobo?" I questioned.
"Hobo? What? Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. I'll be up front if you need anything else."
She walked away. I didn't buy anything, and I ran outside, trying to just go back home before I found the last letter. I walked and walked and walked until I reached my house, and I saw another paper on my door with a giant letter E. I ripped it down and went inside. I laid all the pieces together on the table.
"H-O-R-S-E...... Horse. HORSE!" I screamed it out loud. "HORSE!!!!!"
All of the sudden, my house started shaking. I head someone singing outside.
"Suck a horse's ass.... Suck a horse's ass....Suck a horse's ass...Suck a horse's ass!!!!!!!"
It was getting louder and louder. I was suddenly listening to a super loud version of Wesley Willis's hit song, "Suck a Horse's Ass", and it was rattling my windows.
"Suck a horse's ass!! Suck a horse's ass!! Suck a horse's ass!!! Suck a horse's ass!!!!!!"
Then, out of nowhere, a horse busted down my front door! I tried to run, but the horse stood up on two legs and started chasing me. We ran into the kitchen, and the horse grabbed a knife! With the music still playing, I grabbed another knife and began to duel the horse. We clanged knives together and eventually he stabbed me in the shoulder.
"AAAGGHHHH!!!" I yelled out, bleeding. I fell to the ground. That's when I noticed a piece of paper that had fallen under my table.
It was a W! I got an idea. I held my bleeding shoulder, and stood up, running to the table where I laid out the horse papers. The horse was getting closer to me with his knife.
"Try this on for size, bitch!" I screamed, and rearranged the letters of "HORSE" and added the W, making it "WHORES".
The horse amazingly turned into two whores, and the music stopped playing. The whores came up to me and started kissing me on the cheek. I must've saved them from the horse... but no. I was wrong. The whores both took off their faces and revealed themselves to be two more horses! They both had concealed a knife in their pockets, stabbing me on either side of the head. I was a goner. I'm writing this... with ...... the last of my strength.... horses are evil..... .... ugh..... help....... wesley willis.... ugh.... horse..................
Written by Meaty
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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