Imagine

Imagine yourself in your dream house, but Shrek is there. Shrek is in the kitchen eating a kërmñphúñclé sandwich, like one does, but then suddenly he transforms into a teletubbie, specifically the yellow one. He then attacks you and starts vomiting acid until he eventually gets trampled to death by a herd of demonic llamas, that had just appeared from your microwave. It must have been something in the sandwich, you guess, perhaps it was cursed by a witch, or the demonic llama cult leader. In this moment of deep thought, you realize that your bellybutton has disappeared, and replaced itself with a doorknob. You try to open it but it is locked, but then you spot a mysterious key up Shrek's left nostril. You go to grab the key but you hear a loud screeching noise from behind you. You turn around to see the llama cult leader who has come to prevent you from reviving Shrek. You drag Shrek's body into your bathroom and lock it, then go to grab the key. But, the key is no longer there, it has replaced itself with a Gibson Adam Jones Les Paul Standard Electric Guitar. You realize that the llama leader has the key, and is challenging you to a guitar battle. You defeat him playing Wonderwall in Drop A Tuning. He gives you the key and you open your bellybutton, inside you find a book tilted Llama Cult Satanic Shrek Resurrection Instructions. You have to give Shrek a true loves kiss. You go in to embrace him, lovingly. You stare into his big green eyes, that slowly open as you deliver the kiss. His lips slowly, seductively, move to tell you 'I love you'

This helps get my mind off of my boner.

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