Jeff the Killer Plays Sonic.exe

Jeff was an avid Sonic video game player. He sat down and played Sonic Boom (he really loves that game) until his sex slave arrived at his door.

Jeff didn't know what was in the box, but it would change his life forever. He opened his box and found an envelope. He opened it, and it was a letter from his dear victim Timmy.

"Dear Jeff,

I can't take it anymore. The torture. The whipping. The food. I need you to take this disc and break it. Shatter it. Burn it. Use it as toilet paper. Whatever the cause. JUST BREAK IT! 

Destroy the disc, and you will destroy his wang. Don't place the game in your computer. Don't even masturbate to it. Just please, break it! It's too late for me!"

Jeff thought about the letter, and he glanced at the disc, which had "SONIC" written on it. He thought about it, as Timmy WAS his favorite victim (he wasn't even squealing or calling 9-11  or praying to Shrek when Jeff came and said, "Go to sleep") and Timmy did make him dinner once, so he decided to fuck Timmy off and play the game.

So, he inserted the disc (which had SONIC written on it with black markers and blood) into his Windows 69 computer, and he checked the files. The disc had a executable entitled, "SONIC.exxxe." Jeff opened the executable and it just brought him to a website called, "normalpornfornormalkillers.com" Jeff thought of the porn that he would be watching, and unzipped his pants.

Jeff looked at the site, which was pretty bland. It had the text "Normal Porn for Normal Killers is a site dedicated to the needs of sexual pleasure for  the mentally unstable." Jeff was triggered to the site, and noticed that every word contained a link. Jeff clicked on the first N, and it linked him to a video.

Jeff looked at the video, and ran to his bathroom to grab his napkins. The video was suicidemouse.avi, and while Jeff was thinking of suicidal thoughts, he realized that he was late for his internship to Nickelodeon Studios. He called PATRIXX to teleport him to Nickelodeon Studios, and he was late by 2.6666666 seconds.

He was assigned to watch a new episode to air the next month. He sat down and watched the episode, which started with Squidward crying. He was crying harder than Jeff's knife was in the other intern's neck. Squidward was crying about his broken clarinet, and Spongebob came and ripped off his tooth to fix the clarinet. Jeff was pissed that the the writers of Spongebob would sink this low to the point where they will repeat scenes from other episodes to the exact line of dialogue. The difference between the scene in Best Day Ever and this was that Spongebob was bleeding hyperrealistic blood near his tooth. Squidward ran to the concert.

At the concert, Squidward played a cover of all the songs in Justin Beiber's Greatest Hits! Understandably, the audience carved their ears out. They had hyperrealistic blood dripping to their face. I saw that, for a split frame, the cameraman drowning a kid named Ben and placing his soul in a copy of Majora's Mask.

Then, when the shitty episode (given a 76/100 by Mr. Enter) ended, Jeff was given a doll named Robert from a guy named Robert. Jeff came home and the doll jacked his knife and chased him into a forest. Jeff was more afraid than the time he was sued for killing Jimmy.

Jeff was running until a rock squashed Robert. Jeff then found Slenderman, who gave him his final thoughts. He learned that he wanted to play Pokemon Gold again, so he stabbed Slender in the balls and ran to the nearest old man.

Old Man Jones, as he was named, offered Jeff a copy of Pokemon Gold, but it was deemed haunted. Jeff shrugged it, as he thought it was just a glitch. Jeff booted up the game on his Game Boy, but the game was called POKEMON RUSTY GOLD. Jeff thought of moving on with his life, but then thought that "this was more important than banging Jane!" 

He clicked the start button, and he spawned with 6 Unknowns. They spelled, F-U-C-K- -U- Jeff preceded to fuck himself until he splooged blood! 

Jeff shrugged it off, but then he decided to watch his TV. He then remembered a show about a bear, and he decided to kill that insane fucker. He tried to find the bear-man and slayed him! He then took a bite out of an apple, but it turned out to be insane. It sliced his eyes open and replaced it with clocks.

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