Jizz
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NSFW WARNING
This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. |
Hello everybody my name is David. I am a man with a job. When I see people I know I say things like "Hey, how are you?" My wife died six years ago. She was ripped in half by a pack of wild pigeons. Can you imagine how that feels as a man to have your wife murdered by pigeons?
Anyway, I was taking a shit at work just now and accidentally touched the rim of the seat which was covered in jizz from the guy who was in before me.
"What the fuck is this?" I said to myself as I sniffed and felt the familiar smell and sensation of another man's cold load.
"It's my jizz." Said a voice outside.
"Fuck you, Dave." I said, my colleague is also named David by the way, and carried on with my business.
As I left the cubicle I noticed Dave was still in the toilet by the sink, jacking it.
"What the fuck Dave? I'm trying to wash my hands."
David looked me in the eyes and said;
"Be quiet. I'm busy."
Something about how he said it and the way his arms were bent around his penis reminded me of the pack of wild pigeons that murdered my wife. Every day I have to live with the fact that the woman in my life was murdered.
Anyway, distracted as I was, I left the toilet without washing my hands. And once back at my desk I immediately put my thumb in my mouth and began to suck. It's not a coping mechanism it just reminds me of when I was breastfed. My mom is still alive by the way, but she's old and not a big part of my story.
"This tastes like shit and jizz." I said out loud at my desk.
"That's because it is shit and jizz, Dave." Said Dave my boss, who is also called Dave.
I slowly stopped sucking my thumb and then quickly phoned an ambulance.
At the hospital I told the doctors and nurses exactly what had happened.
"I'm concerned that I'm going to die, doc."
"You should be concerned." Replied the doctor, who was also called David. "Because you are going to die. You see, if you combine shit and jizz and then eat it it travels into your heart and brain and turns you into a shit and jizz zombie, otherwise known as a felch fiend. It's part of my Hippocratic oath that I put you down right here and now with this sledge hammer."
"That's the first I've heard of such a thing."
"It's generally kept secret to stop people becoming panicked."
"But what about all those pornos I've seen where they eat shit and jizz?"
"That's fake." Replied doctor Dave. "In porn they use chocolate mousse for shit and cream cheese for jizz."
I was about to tell the doctor that I didn't believe him one bit (like, who wants a mouthful of cream cheese and chocolate mousse?) but he caved in my skull with his sledge hammer.
Credited to koalazeus
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