Joseph T. Iller

My name is Joseph T. Iller. It was 3:33 am, and I was up and messing around on scary websites because I was an idiot. Suddenly, I heard three loud taps on my window.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I looked around my room, completely frightened out of my mind, and saw that Jeff the Killer was standing at the foot of my bed. I screamed for approximately 5.359 seconds (sorry, I don’t have the best stopwatch).

“It wasn’t me,” said Jeff, struggling to move his burnt and cut lips. “It came from the window dude.”

I turned towards the window where Squidward was standing and he held a gun to his head and then pulled the trigger while a massive scary-ass monster watched him.

Then my phone rang in my pocket. A bone-chillingly frightening voice was on the other end.

“Hey, imma pretend I’m someone who you think I am, but then turn out not to be them. Stop messing around in my house,” the voice on the other end of the phone said. But then I remembered that my mum, Jane. K. Iller, had told me that the previous owner of this house had died like two days ago.

THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

I brought the phone down from my ear. I hugged my teddy bear, which I had got as a present all the way back for my fifth birthday in 1999, for comfort.I looked towards the window again and found that the source of the tapping was a skeleton trying to pop out unsuccessfully due to the fact that my window is made of glass.

Suddenly, a possessed TV walked into my room, began to play a lost episode of Candle Cove, and then killed me. I died very painfully with lots of blood and organs involved. Also pus and other gross things.