Just when I thought I was safe

I had finally gotten off of University, and I was looking forward to a relaxing afternoon of watching television. I made some Ramen with an egg and I collapsed onto the couch and kicked off my shoes. I took a bite, and I reached for the remote. I decided on watching SpongeBob; my favorite episode, Chocolate with Nuts was on. I was lucky enough to catch it when it started. I watched up until the fish scares them and Patrick tells him to "eat sperm." (It's really in there-watch it and you'll see. It's not censored or anything.) I laughed at them getting scared. Nothing will ever be able to scare me like that. I took another bite of Ramen. I flip through the channels until I hear the phone ring. I jumped at the sound. I wasn't scared; just caught off guard. I pick it up to hear a telemarketer. I tell him to buzz off. I sit back down and I look at the time: 3:55. I found myself on TLC when I heard one of those soft commercials. I turned the TV up as loud as I could. I have an old TV, and it was actually the speakers; not the commercial. I hear something fall in the kitchen. I froze because I was the only one home. I get up the see the cause of the noise to find that my cat knocked over a painting I did. I picked it up and put it back on the table. I walked back to the couch, and suddenly the speakers started working again and they blared "HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO." I fell over the couch and shit myself. I was having a panic attack and my poop was running all over my legs and I was crying and I smacked my head into the desk and I woke up in the hospital and I found out that I died.

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Originally uploaded on May 28, 2014

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