Mario's Italian Ass

Copypasta from 2022

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I've watched the new Super Mario Bros movie and I'm utterly disappointed on how they nerfed Mario's Italian ass.

I mean, come on Nintendo. The guy is casually jumping over three times his height, which is more than double the world record. With this kind of performance, it would make sense for him to have a tonic, juicy back. But no, he's flatter than my hope in humanity.

Moreover, he's Italian. Have you ever seen an Italian ass? That premium quality dump? Right now, Mario might be the only flat-assed Italian in existence, I swear.

In the past, I have dreamt multiple times about the Mario movie. I've fantasized about his balloonish glutei maximi suffocating Bowser to death. Only to flee the self-destruction of the castle by bouncing on that soft but massive arse.

But no, Nintendo had to make it SJW friendly. "Not every Italian has a dump truck ass", they said. "He's representing the normality of plumbers' asses".

I don't give a shit about reality. I'm watching a movie about a plumber under the effect of hallucinogenic shrooms beating the shit out of an evil fire-breathing turtle. Give me the dump truck ass or give me death. This is the final warning, Nintendo.

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