Milkshake
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NSFW WARNING
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I was so sick of being an intelligent attractive social horny female in her twenties so instead of looking up gay fart porn on my usual Friday night, I decided to pray o the Goddess of Attraction Kelis, who advised me to make a milkshake to have someone handsome sweep me off my feet and trap into marriage. These were the ingredients:
- blood of the innocent
- chocolate soda
- heart of a foal
- whipped cream. Stir for 45 seconds and leave on front porch.
I thought this list was fucking repulsive; I mean, who the fuck drinks chocolate soda? The other ingredients though I had in full stock from a drunken night in Thailand (man that was some crazy Yom Kippur!)
I put the milkshake on the porch and waited. Around 11PM I heard a noise like rustling, but it stopped. Then 2 hours later, at 11PM I noticed my clock stopped working. I heard screaming and growling outside. I was pissed and thought it was those damn VELD hippies and screamed at them to go have their orgies on my neighbors lawn. But I didn't see them; I saw my milkshake cup fallen over, and a candy red strip of cloth next to it. It looked cute; I might wear it.
Little did I know I unleashed a succubus demon to torment me, but I do know one thing...
ITS BETTER THAN YOURS, MUTHAFUCKA
Part 2
So, I'm back in that cesspit known as university, but there arent as much people here. Apparently theres this illness going around known as 'Booty Flu"- a virus where hot people has their asses grow and have an increase in farting/diarrhea. Man that must've been heaven! I got horny thinking about it.
Anyways I'm in the library looking up Winnie The Pooh Rule 34s when suddenly I see a hot ass mutherfucker looking at me through the shelves. I try to be subtle in flirting, by saying "eyy boy wanna panic in my disco?" while spreading my legs. He stares at me intently, then scurries off. Eventually I have my fill of clopping and headed out when I saw a huge pool of blood near the elevators "aw gross who's on the rag?" I said in disgust.
Some old bitch came up and said a woman was strangled in the bathroom, and as she went to call 911 the woman's body was removed. "Maybe she went off to go audition for Thriller" I suggested. The bitch told me to leave then turned into a crow and flew off. God damn it I gotta stop putting LSD in my coffee...
As i walk down the halls, the handsome young man is near the lockers looking at me and said "You know, I'm quite the fan of milkshakes, maybe we should get some together" I look back in horror and agreed. Because I saw on his shirt, a strip of candy red cloth. Candy red looks so BAD on him!
Credited to VanillaSarsaparilla
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