My Pasta
This is the story of John the Pasta Man. He had red hair, particularly tomato red hair, a yellow face with pasta leftovers around his mouth and white clothes, weirdly shiny, which to him, was a plate. As you could see, this guy was an idiot who loved pasta and therefore dressed up like one. In fact, it was so accurate people actually licked the pasta leftovers on his mouth, including some girls, which accidentally kissed John and didn't lick the pasta. That's why, as well, this guy's got about, ummm, 1,615 girlfriends. Yes, I'm that specific. If you count little babies though, I think it would be approaching infinity, if it wasn't already. As well, he ate pasta for breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner, dupper and of course, supper. Yes, linner and dupper do exist, you probably just never heard of them.
Then, one day, he walked through the most boring street in America, in the most boring town of American and in the most boring state in America when he spotted someone dressed up as pasta too. The pasta man, being the idiot he is, thought that guy was copying him, so he ran cartoonishly across the boring, sleepy street and noticed, something...spoopy. It was someone dressed up as...spaghetti. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried out the pasta man. He cried so hard that he almost washed off the rest of the leftovers, but decided to lick them, so that way he could make himself happy, and of course, that made him happy. He still had an unnecessarily long 40-minute-long rant on why dressing up as spaghetti is a sin to Pasta Jesus, but you probably aren't pasta-catholic. I would know.
Then, he wandered off, back home, angry at him that he dressed up as spaghetti and DIDN'T apologize. Once he got to the door, he noticed something. Something off. He looked fat for the first time ever. He thought he ate too much pasta today, but, no! It seemed that he ate the exact same amount of pasta as yesterday. Immediately, he did the obvious cliché of scratching his head, but was feeling more sweaty. He took out the hand and then, he noticed something. There was tomato sauce on his head. Being the idiot he is and of course, loving pasta, he put his whole hand in his mouth, which gave him a little bit of disgust. It was mostly just hair, mixed with some cold tomato sauce. He still swallowed it, because it still tasted a little bit good, and then went to bed from being tired.
After 5 hours, he woke up, feeling even more fat, but this time, shorter and shinier. He actually felt the fat everywhere, not just at the front, and it looked...weirdly circular. Of course, it was his wish one day to turn into a pasta himself, so he thought his wish was granted. He prayed for this to continue and decided to check how the tomato tasted now. It tasted even better than yesterday, he thought. Then, he decided, to add some salt on top to make the tomato sauce even better. Of course, it was better. However, he noticed he got slightly more fat doing so, and looked even MORE shiny. So, he prayed again and went outside. He walked and walked and walked, getting slightly more fat by the second. He was getting more and more happy as well and continued doing so. He frolicked and frolicked and frolicked until the tomato sauce tasted like actual pasta and then...wait, why have I stopped? Well, that's what he thought, since he was an idiot. It was right in front of him and yet, he didn't know. Turns out, his fat was so large he couldn't walk at all, because his legs basically just disappeared. He still had his arms, but they felt more loose, and even more slender and taller. That was when he had something happening to him. He started wanting to eat the tomato sauce. Just couldn't hesitate. Couldn't resist, couldn't cease, couldn't do anything. He just had to eat. So, he ate and ate and ate. Then, eventually, he lost his arms, and then, his face and then, his life.
About 1 day later, people noticed the pasta just simply lying on the street and said to each other, "How about we carry this pasta to the museum?" Everyone in the group agreed, being idiots of course and having no second thoughts at all. They decided they wanted him to be in the museum. John would have loved this. People seeing him as he is; a pasta. A pasta, with delicious and scrumptious tomato sauce, spaghetti so warm it nearly was like fire, and a plate so big you could put a million babies on it. But, he was killed, so he just feels nothing. The museum people carried the oversized pasta into, well, the museum. That was around the day when the museum was going to open, so they were excited to see people's reactions to it. Then, the museum opened. The people, at first, were cautious about a pasta that is overall bigger than even a desk, but eventually, people started gobbling up the pasta. So much in fact, they might've turned into pastas themselves from how incredibly chubby they were at the end. Then, one person came.
His name was Patrick E, who also loved pasta. About this same day, they made another pasta, basically the same size and the same ingredients. Patrick wanted to see this pasta, and went over to it. Then, he started eating the pasta, not being clean in the slightest whilst doing so. Some of the tomato sauce splashed onto the glass of some very precious items, like the most expensive spaghetti, pasta flew over to people's faces, including some of the tomato sauce, he wasn't clean at all. Then, at the end, he felt like he could hardly walk. He looked literally so fat, he could eat a whole building if he wanted to. However, he felt a cold presence pass inside him. Then, he started shaking uncontrollably, like he was experiencing a possession, even though it technically WAS a possession. He felt like he could eat more, and more. Never stopping. So he continued eating. Gobbling it up, swallowing it without chewing. That's when he couldn't even fit his incredibly big clothes anymore, so the buttons on it were unbuckling so fast possibly Sonic blasted through them, like Sonic always would. Then, his suit came off at the front. It still showed at the back, because for some reason, his back was incredibly sticky. But even then, there were cracks in it now, but really big ones, like the size of this whole text. People thought he couldn't get fatter than this, because you know...logic? But somehow, he got fatter. He eventually filled up the whole room when he stopped. Eventually though, he did die, because of his heart. They didn't know why at first, but then they came to the fact that he was actually eating 10,000 calories per 5 seconds, so he could grow incredibly fat. Nobody knows how he could eat so much.
Written by MyPastaisRotten
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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