Paul.exe

Let me start off by saying:

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Just kidding, I was a fan of Need for Speed for a very long time, and my favorite game was Need for Speed: Underground 2. I played the hell out of that game when it was released, and I still do. These new NFS games suck ass, especially The Run, which disappointed me as a failed potential.

Having a high feeling of nostalgia, I decided to download Underground 2 again and relive my experience. I've searched and searched the google and I found nothing.

Then, my mom screamed:

"PAUL, THIS MAIL IS FOR YOU!"

I shouted back:

"OK, MOM!"

I quickly came and opened the mail, and I was greeted with two things:

1. A CD with Paul.exe written over it.

2. A writing.

The writing read:

"Hey, Paul,

you know that awesome game you told me about? Well, this is the satanic version of it. Please, for the love of god, DON'T try to play this game. DON'T DO THE SAME MISTAKE AS I DID. Please, Paul,

your buddy, Frank."

I thought "Fuck Frank, I'll play this game no matter what."

I put the CD in my computer, and there was an installation named Paul.exe, with an icon of the Underground 2!

UNDERGROUND 2!! HOW WOULD FRANK NOT PLAY THIS MASTERPIECE?

I quickly installed it, and the icon was also named Paul.exe. I ran it.

I was greeted with that old EA intro (THEY DON'T MAKE THESE ANYMORE), and I was thrown straight at the menu. All the options were there, except quit. Well, fuck. If I don't want to play anymore, I gotta reset my computer. And I hated that.

Anyways, I clicked the new game. After 1.5 miliseconds, I was thrown at car menu. There were only 3 cars available:

1. Hyper-realistic Nissan 350Z

2. Hyper-realistic Audi

3. Hyper-realistic Nissan 370Z

I chose the hyper-realistic Nissan 370Z. Everything was hyper-realistic:

Hyper-realistic doors, hyper-realistic hood, hyper-realistic tires... EVERYTHING!

I was soon thrown at the race, with a guy named Paul. He had the same hyper-realistic car like me.

The first thing I noticed in this map were hyper-realistic audience cheering, and also hyper realistic women.

Anyways, back to the race. In about 5.91929123892 seconds after start, a ghost of Patrick Swayze appeared for about 1.22312132131 miliseconds. I jumped out immediately.

Soon, I continued the race. I was gaining up on that Paul guy, when suddenly he used hyper-realistic nitro and he took advantage of me again.

"Too early", I thought, and also used hyper-realistic nitro.

I was gaining up again, I surpassed him, and won!

Hyper-realistic people were cheering my name, and there were Britney Spears, Leonardo Di Caprio, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Jennifer Lopez too!

The game has been fine for now. What the fuck was Frank talking about?

I decided to run another race, and that's when things start to get weird. I ain't talking about chicken n' gravy biatch. I'm talking about some guy named Paul. He had hyper-realistic blood coming out of his hyper-realistic eyes and hyper-realistic mouth. I was scared. Paul appeared in front of my car (A FUCKING SLENDERMAN!) and said:

"I am Paul."

I was starting to laugh like hell after that.

"OH COME ON! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE PAUL?! NO, YOU'RE SOME DIPSHIT! AHAHAHAHA"

The screen then cut to black, and Bruce Campbell appeared, and said:

"Hmm. GROOVY!"

before turning around to me.

Who is this guy? Does he understand me?

I was scared (YEAH, RIGHT).

And Paul appeared back on-screen.

He was trying to say something, but I saw that he was confused about something else. I turned around, and saw Ice Cube, 50 Cent and Eminem.

"EXCUSE ME, I'M TRYING TO SCARE THIS GUY!" Said Paul

Ice Cube then said:

"Get the fuck outta here before I scare YOU!"

Paul was so scared that he turned into a chicken.

I started laughing again. That Paul chicken was so hyper-realistic!

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ICE CUBE IS SO AWESOME! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Paul then screamed:

"CURSE YOU, ICE CUBE!"

My mom then screamed:

"PAUL! TIME TO SLEEPY-SLEEPY!"

I returned:

"RIGHT AWAY, MOM!"

And I got off to sleep. The next day, I started the Paul.exe again, and I was greeted by Paul. He had that unforgettable hyper-realistic smile, and hyper-realistic face, all accompanied by hyper-realistic clothes and hyper-realistic body!

He then turned very antagonistic, and demanded me to race him again!

I chose my car, and we raced.

It was a drag race. Thank god that I'm master at this, and with my skill, I beat Paul.

Paul then said:

"I AM PAUL!"

Right then, I realized that this is a complete waste of time!

I became very mad at Paul:

"FUCK YOU, PAUL! JUST, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR LIFE, AND FUCK EVERYTHING THAT'S ASSOCIATED WITH YOU!"

Paul was very sad that he didn't succeed at scaring me, and disappeared.

Right then, for about 1222121212 miliseconds, I heard a whispering:

"This is not everything from me, Paul."

And I turned back to see a figure of Paul with blood from red felt pen.

"Hmm. This is good for selling."

I sold him, and got about 290000000000$! OH, WHAT WOULD I DO WITH ALL THAT MONEEHH?!

BUT, THIS IS NOT THE END!

Eventually, another letter came up, it's Frank again, and he was saying that he was just kidding. JUST FUCKING KIDDING!

I KNEW THAT ALREADY, ASSHOLE!

But I didn't care, I've gone to watch some Avatar: The Last Chairbender. Cya!

REALLY? YOU REALLY THOUGHT I HAVE COMMON SENSE?!

I've been trying to turn on that game, but it always crashed.

So, uh, yeah, I've now really gone to watch Chairbenders. See ya!

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