SomeOrdinaryGamers: Mutahar's Biggest Fan
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Everybody has a person that they look up to greatly, an idol. For me, that person was George W. Bush. I loved that man. His work, his speeches, his additude. I always defended him from his many haters. They were obviously jealous that they did not become president. But alas, this idolization did not last forever.
One faithful night, I was in my room at like 3 in the morning watching some "WTF Gaming" from SomeOrdinaryGamers, (which I still don't understand the name, since the channel is just one dude). It was a wonderful experience, but the dreaded comment section of Youtube had changed my life FORREVVEEEEERR!!1!
Once particular comment claimed that George Bush DID 7/11. Others that replied to that comment providing undeniable evidence to that claim. Most involving the Mountain Dew/Doritos factory, others involving how the FaZe Clan learned how to noscope from the 7/11. My heart was crushed! I can no longer look at the former president the same way I once had. I proceeded to burn all the posters & love letters I have written to Bush, but during the burning, I came to a sudden & stunning realization...
Mutahar! The lone Ordinary Gamer! I rushed back to my SUPER POWERFUL computer with 4 Titan X's & 128 gigabytes of RAM and & went back to the SOG Youtube channel. I spent 4 days watching all of Mutahar's videos. Once I was finished, I watched them all again. The feelings I had for George Bush had transferred to Mutahar. Mutahar is my new idol. Mutahar is my life.
I spent the next few months of my life trying to do anything so I can grow up to become like him, wearing the same type of clothing, speaking like him & living off of creepypastas. I spent everyday on his Twitch channel, even if he wasn't livestreaming. I also sent him countless letters & e-mails, although I did not know his address, I just sent them to random houses & buildings in Ontario. My perfectly justified obsession led me to want to meet Mutahar in person. I know that in his deep web videos, Muta claims that he is well protected & is an expert on security (like birth control), but what he doesn't know is that I am a major 1337 haxor! With the power of whatever the hell hackers use nowadays, I traced Muta's IP & along with it, came his home address. I now know where to find him, I can finally meet the great Mutahar!
Thankfully, when I first discovered Muta, I turned 18, so I can get a passport without my parents permission! Suck on that, kids! After getting my passport in secrecy, I realized another problem, Mutahar was in Ontario, while I was in Southern Arizona, basically almost Mexico. I don't have that kind of cash, I mean, who the hell has jobs, nowadays!? I... was CRUSHED! I could not live with myself, & my life almost came to in end, since the resulting depression had turned into Shaken Baby Syndrome. This caused me to passed out...
When I finally awoken, I was met in a dark janitor closest in the local Wal-Mart, next to me was a janitor, his name tag said "Lucifer," which is strange because I have never heard of that name, but I did what any other normal person would do & not question it. I did noticed that he did not look like your average janitor, you know, fat, old, ugly, or like Dave Chappelle. He instead looked very fit, about 6 foot 2, nice wavy brown hair with a hint of blonde & nice shiny teeth, but his eyes seemed off, like if they are pure evil. I still decided to ignore this because I realized that George Bush was pure evil. Lucifer proceded to speak to me, "So... I hear you are in need of some plane tickets to Ontario. I may have a way to get those tickets for you, of course, in return for something from you." I was a bit confused. "How did you know that? I said, "And what is it that you have in mind?" He now had a shady-looking smirk on his face, while the sound of fat people shopping was gently emitting from a door behind him. Lucifer pointed to his chest, "My lungs?" I said. "No... deeper..." he said in a calm demeanor, "My heart?" I continued, "Nooo...." his voice is gettting more frustrated, "not an organ of any kind." "My spine?" I responded. Lucifer got fed up quickly & yelled "Goddamnit, No! You unintelligent swine! Your SOUL!!" "Wasn't that a song from Sublime?" I asked. Lucifer sighed deeply in frustration, while unbuttoning his shirt & loosening his pants, "Well, good thing I am a homosexual." he muttered. A 9 inch penis erected out off the fly in his pants, like a typical hentai show & we proceeded to engage in sexual intercourse.
After about an hour & a half of passoinate gay love-making, I found myself laying in the middle of the floor in the janitor closet, belly side, face down, ass up, covered in warm semen like a typical hentai girl. I heard Lucifer in climax, yelling loudly to the point where the shopping fat people outside can hear clear. He disappeared as soon as he was finished ejaculating, I turned my head to find the plane tickets to Ontario. I was so excited! This had to be the best day of my life, I lost my virginity to Lucifer the janitor & now have a way to meet my idol, Mutahar. I was too exited to clean up & re-dress myself. I ran out of the closet & the Wal-Mart, skipping merrily while completely naked & dripping in semen, yelling in pure excitement. Mutahar, here I come!
It was very easy to leave my city without anyone noticing. My Mother does nothing but watch "Keeping up with the Kardashians" while my Father was too busy getting into political arguements on Facebook. Before I left, I decided to get Mutahar a gift, after all, even "I" know that it would be too creepy to arive at Muta's house for no "good" reason, so I went to an Ebay pickup station in the middle of a Gamestop, which was in a middle of a flea market, to pick up a disc I bought off of Ebay for only 17 cents called "something.exe" The disc came with a note, written with what appeared to be blood, that said "Do not play this game, destroy it!" I knew this would be a perfect gift for Muta. I went on the flight to Canada. I saw Solid Snake & Samuel L. Jackson on the plane, they were true Canadian patriots. I finally arrived in Caledon, Ontario, Canada. I knew this wasn't the city where Mutahar lived, but I did see some dude in a bear suit wandering in the woods of the city, that was interesting, but I didn't think much of that man.
It took me a while, but I finally found Mutahar's house. My heart was racing very fast at this point. I walked to his front door, my palms getting very sweaty on the way like Mom's Spaghetti. I stood there for a while, but I finally knocked on the door, a few seconds later, I could hear the door knob opening. I ejaculated in my pants out of anticipation & excitement, but when the door finally opened, my heart nearly stopped immediatly & I almost fainted. It wasn't Mutahar that answered the door. It was Yuriofwind! "Huuuh?! You know I got a doorbell." He said, all confused. With tears flowing down my face, I yelled to his face, "YOU'RE NOT MUTAHAR!! Get out of here you beautifully-haired person, & take your happy pills!" & proceeded to, somehow, slammed the door on his face.
I cried. I sat on the curb of the road for about 20 minutes bawling my eyes out. All the effort I put in for this moment, for Mutahar, was all for naught. I began to think, maybe I shouldn't pursue this unhealthy obsession over a Youtuber who's too busy to deal with a psychotic fan. I should return home and actually be a contributing member of society. I need to go back to school, get a job & pay my taxes like a regular person. Yeah, I must do that, but before I could completely get up to return home, I heard someone exiting their house, next to Yuri's house...
Mutahar!!! Mutahar was Yuriofwind's neighbor! My hacking skills were correct, just off by one house! He was looking at me, he must of heard my crying & must of went out to check out what was the situation. My sadness & willingness to become a normal person had completely disappeared! Screw being a member of society, It's Fucking MUTAHAR!I stood up in a blink of an eye, I started hyperventilating, & I ejaculated in my pants again. I think I also pissed myself as well. Mutahar though this was a little strange, but wasn't phased. He must have encounters from fans like this at least once a day. "Hey man, is... everything okay?" Muta said in a concerned voice. I tried to respond, but nothing but high pitched squeaks & out-of-breath gasps came out when I tried to speak. There was spaghetti falling out of my pockets already. I hyperventilated too much, & passed out seconds after Muta asked.
I woke up on a couch in a clean & bright living room. Mutahar approached to check up on me, gently saying "Are you gonna die on me? Or are you okay..." I was very tired, I felt like I was unable to speak for long, but I mustered as much energy as I can to respond, "OHMYGODMUTAHAR! IT'SMUTAHAR!! HIiAMYOURBIGGESTFANIWATCHEDALLYOURVIDEOS! I'VEWRITTENYOUCOUUNTLESSLETTERS! I came all the way over here to give you a gift & maybe become best friends or something & have a lot of adventures! IDON'TKNOWIAMTOOEXCITEDTOCOMPLETEMYSENTENCES! OHMYGODIT'SMUTAHAR!!!1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" At this point, Muta had a serious look of "what in the absolute fuck" on his face, like something from his "WTF Gaming" videos. "Wait a sec," he said, still rather puzzled, "are you that guy that sent me 371 e-mails? And suggested we should be room-m8s & build a giant Six Flags rollercoaster in my backyard?" I nodded my head so fast, I made myself a bit dizzy. I handed him the "something.exe" disc. "Ohh, great..." he said with a great node of sarcasm, "time to bring back the 'cliché meter' again..." He casually tossed the disc away & proceded to kneal in front of me. In a calm voice, he lectured, "Look, you can't just essentially travel across the country, thinking you can move in to the house you haven't met in person, no matter who it is. To be honest, it will essentially make you look like a mental patient." I started to become sad, but understanding, looking down in sorrow. "Now essentially, anybody else would start kicking you out at this point, but me. All the shit I said, essentially, it's not relavent for me. All my fans are my family, man! And you are my new roommate, dude!" My face turned into absolute exhilaration, my body starts shaking like a child about to enter a candy store, or an autistic weeaboo about to enter an anime convention. "Welcome to the SomeOrdinaryHome, man! This roller coaster idea is essentially, the most badass idea I've ever heard! And thanks to all the deep web browsing I've done, I've learned to be a master architect!" I jumped around squealing like a teenaged Belieber. Almost passed out again, but before I could, Mutahar interrupted. "Hold on, before you can move in, we got to have an 'Extraordinary-SomeOrdinaryParty' dude!"
Later that night, the biggest, happening party was occuring. Everybody was there, Mutahar & his buds Aceagon, Kyle, Imaru, Zahid, Mullet Mike & the Sticky Paddle people, Yuriofwind, Skrillex, Both Optic & FaZe clan, Leonardo Dicaprio, Nicolas Cage, Sanic Hegehog, That old man that appears in every video game creepypasta that gives the protaginist the game, every member of the Illuminati, The Crack-Smoking Mayor of Toronto: Rob Ford, Herobrine, Funnymouth, Boot-Man Bill; even Lucifer the Janitor came to this party! It was like the best party you can possibly think of! We all got drunk off of Mountain Dew & snorted Dorito dust, while blaring Darude Sandstorm & whatever song Skrillex felt like playing.
Everyone was happier in life because of that, Yuriofwind no longer needed happy pills for the rest of his life! So what have we learned, kids? That Mutahar will love you no matter what, & will make your life better if you ask him to be your roommate, & that Lucifer is a really good lover.
That's the story, kids. And remember, Bush did 7/11...
Credited to Cheezee-e7
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