Tally Hall's Internet Show Episode 11 - Hoe Jawley
Author's note: Incase you can't figure it out, this is a joke. Made for shits and giggles.
So, I'm assuming everybody reading knows what Tally Hall is, right? That band from 2002 that made the 2 really good albums? Well, they had an internet show, which, if you're a Tally Hall fan, you should know about. There are 10 episodes, however, recently discovered, was a scrapped eleventh episode. The episode never had a name, but the .mp4 file said it was called "this11hoejawley", so most people refer to the episode as Hoe Jawley. I had found the episode on Internet Archive, and after the situation with Joe, I needed something to cheer me up, so I decided that this lost episode would be the right way to do it.
The episode started with the T.H.I.S intro, but none of the members appeared. Instead, they were all Bora, and he kept screaming every time he appeared on screen. Weird, but, okay.
We see Joe walking out of a Subway with an AR-15 wedged in-between two Subway sandwich buns. "Only 15 dollars for the AR-15-Long? What a steal!" said Joe, right before the 'AR-15-Long' grew legs that were animated like god damn Battle For Dream Island and walked off into the distance.
Joe continues walking, when Andrew phases into the scene. Literally, he just fucking appears there. Joe, noticing this, says "Andrew, how did you do that?", to which Andrew replied, but not in his usual voice, instead, he responded in Fat Albert's voice, saying "HAMBURGERS AND EGGGGGGG AND CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE". After Andrew said that, he just fucking sinks into the ground like a 3D model.
It cuts to one of those nonsensical bits that T.H.I.S always has, but this one was stranger than strange. We see a man in a skeleton costume talk about his sex life. After that, something jumps out of the water that looks like the dead body of Jason Voorhees from the first Friday the 13th movie and starts attacking him, to which the man does not care about, and he walks into the ocean while Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd played, specifically the guitar solo. Then he came out of the water as an actual skeleton and says "That was acid."
It cuts to Rob, throwing a bunch of lawn darts at the Target logo, trying to hit the center. This is more usual for T.H.I.S, just plain old nonsense. Then, Andrew appears again, just out of thin air, with giant sunglasses and an electric guitar. He starts beating the shit out of some guy with the guitar while it plays a sick fucking riff. Rob looks over to Andrew and asks "Dude, why are you beating that guy up?", to which Andrew responds by saying "الغاز الذي تمرره قاتل تغطية هذا الحمار يا صديقي الغاز الذي تمرره يقتل الناس بوبرز الخاص بك يترك الناس قتلى.", which, when translated, says "YOU'RE NEXT", which made my asshole explode and my jaw drop down to my cock out of shock. Andrew would never say that!
It then cut to Ross and Zubin, plotting on how to stop Andrew's evil schemes of killing people with guitars and Lynyrd Skynyrd music.
"How would we even do it?" Zubin asked, to which Ross replied "I have an idea.". It then cut to a montage of Ross and Zubin figuring out ways to stop Andrew's evil scheme while Greener played.
Then, it cuts again to Andrew, sitting in a park, presumably Rotary Park, the same place where Zubin and Joe got mugged while recording the Good Day music video. Ross and Zubin come up behind him, and kidnap him. We then see Andrew tied to a chair that's been super glued to the wall. Andrew asks, in his normal voice, without any weird bullshit "What's going on, guys? Why am I tied up like this?", to which Zubin replies "Andrew, don't play dumb with us! We know that you beat up that guy in the Target parking lot!". Ross says after that "Don't forget about the time he beat the hell out of Peter Griffin.", to which it cuts to a god damn Family Guy cut-away.
Peter is standing in the parking lot of a Circuit City, and then he gets fucking mugged by Andrew.
It cuts back to Andrew, Ross, and Zubin. Andrew, confused as to what they're talking about, says "What?". "What do you mean what, You beat that guy up, right?" Zubin replies. "Oh, I know what you're talking about now. That's not me, that was Evil Andrew.", to which Ross replies "Evil Andrew? Who the hell is Evil Andrew?". "He's-" Andrew replies, getting cut off by another random bit starting.
We see a Mickey Mouse toy in a toilet, before some fatass walks up and takes a massive fucking diarrhea dump in the toilet while Poker Face by Lady Gaga plays in 144p quality. The farting and shitting were so loud that it broke the wine glass I was drinking from. Wine and glass went everywhere, and I had to clean up while Poker Face kept playing.
After that stopped, we cut back to Evil Andrew at Rotary Park, sniffing and crawling around like a rat, before finding the bench that Andrew was seated at. Evil Andrew sat there, and then Ross came up behind him, with the other band members there as well, except for Joe. They shot Evil Andrew in the arm, causing him to fall off the bench. Right after that, the other band members tied him up, and then Scooby-Doo music started playing. Rob said "Let's see who this Evil Andrew really is!". They pull off E. Andrew's mask, and he was revealed to be.. Joe?!
"And I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids!". It then cuts to footage of John F. Kennedy taking a piss with a kidney stone. No, I don't mean he had a kidney stone, I mean there was literally a living fucking kidney stone pissing with him. Then, the episode cut to a music video for Spring & A Storm. Once the episode was over, I noticed that in the .zip folder, there was more than one video, so I decided to watch them.
The first one was called 15SECONDSOFBORAEP11.mkv. It features an unused 15 Seconds of Bora cut-away for Episode 11. We see Bora walking outside, and then we see fucking Bung Vulchungo (the Banana Man, from the music video) pop out of a bush and slip a banana in Bora's pocket.
The second one was called FREEBIRD.mp4. It was a video of someone in Garry's Mod with a Father Grigori player model and a shotgun shooting a bird while Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays.
The third and final one was called PILLOWFIGHT.avi, which is just a video of the Tally Hall members, including Bora, having a pillow fight for 5 minutes. Then the fucking Scary Maze Game screamer appeared on my screen, and I pissed myself.
I can see why they didn't release this until now.
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