The /x/ Pasta Collection

A collection of very short fictional stories that were all uploaded to /x/ in early 2007. As they're not really worth uploading as their own individual pages, we've decided to make this page to host them instead. The majority of these aren't available anywhere else online, or are difficult to find.

Creepypastas

Coke

The secret ingredient in Coke isn't known even to its creator. Supposedly the guy who invented Coke made a deal with a demon-possessed guy—the demon puts in a final ingredient, one that will be in all Cokes ever made until the End Times, and the guy's product will outlast his own life. They're making so many new kinds of Coke because the secret ingredient, whatever it is, isn't showing up anymore. They're trying to mask the taste.

Frame 666

The 666th frame of every Halloween-themed movie, cartoon, or TV special depicts a basement with a corpse moldering in the corner; these frames are often removed from the final film, but one can find them on occasion. If you were to put the frames together, in chronological order of the release of the film it comes from, a short film is revealed. The film depicts the corpse's violent death in reverse. The final frame will be a picture of yourself, sitting before your tv, viewing the final frame of the film.

Swiss Francs

If you take any Swiss Franc note and expose it to microwaves, it will curl up and ignite. Once it's cooled down, you'll find a fine powder that, when ingested, will kill you painlessly. A 10 franc note has enough poison to kill a family of four.

The Graveyard

At a graveyard in Baltimore, there's a life-sized statue of a woman sitting on a bench, looking sorrowful and having her arms outstretched. Her name was Agnes. If you sit in her lap from dawn until dusk on any ordinary night, nothing will happen. However, if you try it on a night where the moon is full, you will die. Aggie has a superhuman grip, and she will keep you locked in her arms until you die. And the expression of sorrow will be replaced by one of triumph.

Antarctic Ice

The Antarctic ice only reaches some 800 km inland. After that is a slowly rising plain of volcanic gravel swept by gravity-driven winds from the hub of the conical continent, on top of which is the true South Pole. No satellite images exist of the ice-free inland. The pics you see are either stretched from existing photos (such as the one in Google Earth) or photoshopped.

Ashes

The ashes of the guitar burned by Jimi Hendrix at the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival were saved by a stage technician and passed along to "The Legion", a sect of the Hell's Angels which practiced ritual magick. The ashes were mixed with blood and clay and formed into a talisman with the rough appearance of a wolf. Possession of the talisman confers upon its hold numerous talents, including telepathy, precognition, enhanced strength, and prodigious sexual prowess. It is legend among cycle clubs and gangs to this day that the world will end when the talisman is broken.

The Bas-Relief

Every 23,375 days, exactly at 12:04PM (at exactly 64 equal rotations of the planet) at zero degrees latitude, and zero degrees longitude, the tide of the ocean will suddenly drop, a building roughly the size of three city blocks, covered with bas reliefs will rise suddenly from the depths. This building will then begin to sink immediately, and will submerge completely within 2 minutes. According the eyewitness accounts, the reliefs depict certain famous events in human history, including events that had not yet happened.

Mt. Rushmore

If you knew what Mount Rushmore really was you wouldn't have turned it into a tourist attraction. You probably couldn't go near it without vomiting.

The World's Real Colors

When you stare at something too long, and you look away, and you see those weird splotchy pigments—y'know what I mean? When you do that, you're seeing the real colors of the world. Our eyes filter that head-burning nightmare into something more pleasant... well, usually.

ICU

There's a man in the ICU of a Chinese Hospital. He's been there for as long as the nurses and doctors can imagine but only one nurse ever sees him and guards are posted at his door 24/7. He looks old but his eyes look young, he's restrained and gagged. Though he never talks and at the first opportunity he'll try to escape the hospital. But whenever he's asked any question he always writes his answer "3200... 3200...3200... 3200..."

Gravity

When you live in a bright place, you get used to light, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a dark place, you get used to dark, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a violent place, you get used to violence, and it starts affecting you less. And when you skydive enough, you get used to gravity, and it starts affecting you less. This is nowhere near as pleasant as it sounds.

Orchestra

If a full symphony orchestra all plays the note A-440 perfectly in tune to each other, for at least an hour, time will begin to slow down by fractions of a second. Sound from the orchestra will begin transforming into light energy, and every memory in time that has ever existed at that spot will transfer to everyone present.

Dentists

A few elite dentists keep the fragments of anything they extract and sometimes trade certain specimens for ritual purposes. These rituals can make the caster stronger, tougher, faster, smarter, or more spiritually powerful. Why do you think they're always saying you should get your wisdom teeth pulled?

Wax Apple

There is in fact that a single small wax apple that stars in most still life paintings that are made in Manhattan. On the morning of September 11, 2000, someone accidentally took a bite out of it. A year later to the hour, the first plane hit the twin towers.

Stone Room

If you spend enough time underground, whether it's caves, mines, sewers, or anything of similar depth, you might come across an apparently manmade stone room. Symbols that you can recognize but not consciously understand cover the walls. You'll find that you can rearrange them by willing it. This only works if you have complete confidence that the symbols will move and you don't have an especially strong desire to move them. Keep at it long enough and their meaning will be clear. Learn what you will but always let the room keep one of its secrets.

The Trailer

There is a small clearing in the Vermont woods with an abandoned Silver Bullet trailer. If you go inside the trailer you will find it empty and in disarray - veneer is peeling off the walls and newspapers are strewn about the ground. In the back of the trailer there is a jukebox. Turn it on - even though there is no power source it will light up. It only plays one song, "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. The newspapers will always have today's date. Listen to the song, read the paper and await a visit.

Numbers on the Stalls

Ever notice there are a lot of numbers in bathroom stalls. Try something the next time you go to piss in a rest room. Right down the first (and only the first) three numbers you see. When you have time line the numbers up according to there 6th number, lowest to highest. Take the area code of the first one, the starting three numbers of the next one, and the last four numbers of the last. dial 9 then the number. The phone will ring exactly 99 times and before the phone rings again some one will pick up and tell you the exact time of your death and then hang up. You will have to listen because she will tell you the date very quickly and if you try to call back again the number will have been disconnected.

The Phone Number

In the middle of Boston Harbor, between the Aquarium and Logan Airport, is a strip of land. This land is exactly 666 square feet. If you are able to see it, then stand upon it. You will hear a voice. This voice will tell you one thing and one thing only. A 7 digit phone number. Go home and sleep for exactly 4 hours, then wake up and immediately call the number, using your own area code. On the other end will be a man who will tell you The Truth. All of it, unadulterated and unabridged. If you can listen to it without going mad, then you will know the reason for everything, and it will all make sense.

Rooms

All across the world there are rooms, don't ask where any of them are, they have a floating location that effects all other rooms. These rooms seem to disable any electronics within their area and are always uninhabited when visited. These rooms all are vandalized with the same symbols and used materials available during the time, always tops of the line and finely crafted. These symbols are part of a code that no one has successfully decrypted, this code is supposedly used for a lock on a door in all these rooms. (Recently this door has tooken on as a metal one with many digital input code locks, it used to be many padlocks and so on.) No one has been able to get through this door since, some have attempted to bring devices to break through these doors. All who have tried never find the room again.

Cat's Purr

Purring is not a cat's way of saying it's happy. That's just their way of feeding. They only eat the stuff we give them from cans and give to them as treats as a front, to make them seem like normal animals. They know we enjoy the sound of purring and it's feel, so they know it will draw us closer to them so that they can continue to quietly absorb our life energies and one day claim Earth as their own.

Astronaut

In 1971, a few weeks before a scheduled moon shot, an alternate astronaut was seen behaving in an erratic fashion at lunch. He arose from the table, headed over to where a group of high-ranking Air Force officers and NASA officials were eating, proceeded to lay down upon it, squeeze a thin red line of ketchup across his throat. He convulsed and wheezed to one of the officers, grabbing him by the lapels, "Don't.... order...the... swordfish." He was remanded to psychiatric care in the Pacific Northwest in a somewhat less-than-therapeutic castle moved there formerly by a robber-baron at the turn of the century. During the astronaut's stay, a new commandant came, a Marine Colonel. This colonel was found dead not long after his arrival with a single self-inflicted slash across his throat.

Blood Bath

If you kill a person at midwinter, and then bathe in its blood two days later you will live as long as the other person would have lived if you hadn't killed him. This only works for people of your own gender, though. Bathing in the blood of another gender will kill you, and bring the person you killed back to life for as long as you would have lived.

Poker

There's a tent in a travelling circus in the India. Inside this tent there's a man who is an expert in poker, you can recognize him because he always bets exactly 2 U.S. dollars and 31 cents. If you beat him after 3 rounds, he will bet his soul on the 4th round. Nobody has ever beaten this man on the 4th round, and if you lose well... You don't want to know.

The Cries

You're walking down your street, it's a gray, cloudy, unseasonably cold day. As the brown leaves swirl about you, you hear, faintly yet distinctly, a baby crying. As you move toward the noise, it becomes the sound of a young girl sobbing. Closer you approach the sound, and as the wind picks up, it is clearly the sound of a young woman screaming. You race toward the corner, and as you near it, the sound becomes that of an old crone choking. Then silence as you turn the corner, revealing nothing but a puddle of water on the sidewalk. As you look into the puddle, it seems your reflection is delayed by a few seconds... as if it is watching you and then mimicking you...

The Manhole

In a small suburb of western Detroit, there is a manhole on the road which leads directly down to a dead end. The manhole was originally a large pothole created by two fathers who'd been dared to dig a hole in the middle of the road. They hit a natural shaft leading downwards, and plummeted 200 feet to their death. Sometimes, when criminals are looking for a place to hide, the crawl into the sewers. When the crawl into that manhole, they fall to the bottom, and die.

Trollpastas

Monopoly

The monopoly stubs you get at McDonald's have special magnets in them so whenever you're missing just one of the pieces you'll never find it because it's magnetically repelling you.

Blue M&Ms

Before they added the blue colored M&Ms, you could eat the other colors in the right order and gain a magical charge.

Crop Circles

Crop circles? Aliens don't make crop circles. People make crop circles. Crop circles are the interstellar road sign saying DON'T BOTHER. Otherwise, the aliens would've landed a long time ago.

Uranus

Painting the Astrological symbol for Uranus on a car's hood, using the blood of a man who was not nursed on his biological mother's milk as an infant, will cause that car to be struck by lightning inside of a week.

Electric Animals

You can use a real mouse in place of a computer mouse, if you don't mind getting scratched and bitten a lot. All machines we have are based on the properties of animals on earth, and the animals can fill those rolls very easily. Electric Eels, for example, make great radios.

The Urn

A certain Chinese vase contains the spirit of Ghengis Khan. The warrior spirit contained in the vase causes it to materialize in the nearby location of certain fights between good guys and bad guys. Unfortunately, the vase is always humorously almost knocked over by the bad guys, forcing the good guy to play a strange game of trying to keep the vase from breaking. the hero does this because they know that if the spirit is ever released, it will punish the world for continually using it as a comic prop.

The Apocalypse

The whole "and the cow jumped over the moon" song/nursery rhyme is in fact an early interpretation of an apocalyptic prophesy, all of the events in the song are metaphors for what will lead to the end of the world except for the bit about the fork running away with the spoon. All the spoons and forks of the world will disappear on the penultimate night, along will all the dinner plates and mechanical egg whisks.

Vases

Vases are in fact little psychic dampeners that stop flowers from secretly controlling mankind, people who spend too much time in the out doors near unvased flowers eventually become eco-terrorists designed to soften up mankind for the day when the flowers make their move.

Circumcision

Circumcision is an ancient practice designed to render men immune to becoming werewolves. The first part of the body that changes during a lycanthropic transformation is the genitalia, so, if enough skin can be removed that the PENIS cannot safely sink back into the body, you will be left safe... but will have an erection all full-moon long.

Sandwich

Go into a Subway and tell the clerk you want to order the sandwich they'd always wished a customer would order. They will quickly, quietly, and without expression, craft the sandwich from many different ingredients. The sandwich will be the best thing you've ever tasted. This only works once per clerk. If you ask them to make it again, they will not recollect how. If you attempt to re-construct it, it will fail.

The Woman

There's a weird woman who is a member in a popular webcam site. At exactly 3:12AM EST she comes online to start her live show. The rumor says that there's a scar under the left nipple of this woman and if you stare at it for more than 5 minutes, you will have the most unimaginable lewd nightmares for the next 5 days.

Bush

There's an abandoned convenience store somewhere in Connecticut. On the basement of this building, you'll find the body of none other than the real George W. Bush preserved in a tank. It's rumored that the president used to be a laboratory chimpanzee that was subject to many horrible experiments and studies of the evolution of mankind.

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