The Cramp Twins Lost Episode
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NSFW WARNING
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Note: This is not to be taken seriously in any way whatsoever. I was only inspired to write this after watching one of Cyper 8's videos, and that's it. It might be taking a page out of "Squidward's Suicide," though.
Way back in the 2000s, I used to work for Cartoon Network as an intern in animation, looking over all the great cartoons of their silver age like "Camp Lazlo" and "Squirrel Boy" and perhaps my most favorite of them all... "The Cramp Twins." I would obsess over it 24/7 and think up new scenarios those crazy boys could get themselves into. (Hell, I even secretly wrote yaoi fanfiction about them and created my own Mary Su- erm, I mean OCs.) I was a bit saddened by the fact that it wasn't an American cartoon, though, nor was I particularly happy that it only had 52 episodes. Well, the latter's a bit of a lie. There was going to be a 53rd episode to it, but for reasons I'm about to explain to you, it was never shown on the air.
One day, the crew and I were huddling together in the screening room to see what the latest episode had in store for us. One of the head animators produced a CD, which I could assume was the new episode, from his belongings and placed it into the DVD player. We expected a typical hijinx-filled episode that would send us roaring with laughter; what we got instead was undoubtedly one of the weirdest and most sickening things a human being could ever experience.
For whatever reason, it started off with Wayne bound up in a medieval dungeon and it was all done in amateurish CGI. All the main characters also looked like they were now adults. He looked around for a bit before asking, "Where am I?" in a synthetic, computer-generated voice. Lucien appeared soon after and greeted him in an also synthetic voice. We couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on and why this new episode was being animated in CGI.
"Lucien, asshole," Wayne began to speak again. "Get me out of here."
"I will," Lucien responded. "But first, I have to say my apology for being a bad brother."
From what I'm sure many of us remember, Wayne was always the one giving his twin brother grief, so I couldn't imagine Lucien being the evil twin. Then again, that was probably the least of this episode's problems.
"Lucien, asshole, you're always a piece of shit!" Wayne shouted at his brother.
"I know," Lucien said. "That's why I want to reward your suffering with my new experiment."
"If you're going to talk about earthworms, I will shove my fist up your ass!"
"Interesting offer, but I must decline as for now, I will have to arouse you with my beautiful body."
Now we hadn't really been bothered by the swearing and the homophobic slurs so much as we'd just been utterly confused, but what followed sent quite a few people over the edge. Without any animation whatsoever, Lucien proceeded to strip down to his birthday suit and move uncannily towards his brother.
"Lucien, asshole, stop it!" Wayne was yelling now. It was quite clear that this whole thing was making him uncomfortable.
Lucien then stopped to do his "sexiest" dance in a sick, incestuous, creepy attempt to seduce him. A couple frames later, Wayne was now also stripped down to his birthday suit and he had a visible erection protruding from his crotch. One of the crew members, a proud mom of twin boys herself, started weeping in despair as she tried to comprehend how anybody could be sick enough to make something like this, and for children no less.
"I'm scared!" Wayne kept yelling. "I'm gonna piss myself!"
"Very good..." Lucien muttered to himself. "That's for the outcome of my experiment."
I'm cringing so badly that I don't think I can even describe what happened for the next thirty seconds, but all I remember during that time is that Lucien gathered up some piss and drank it. After that bit of nightmare-inducing horror, Lucien gave him a pill (or candy, I couldn't tell) and Wayne started tripping balls for a few seconds. Then the episode ended with the brothers fucking each other to a MIDI version of "I Know This Much Is True" by Spandau Ballet. It almost reminded me of my own fanfiction for a second, but other than that, I couldn't bear to watch.
I think it's safe to say that we were all comatose with trauma after what we'd just watched. None of us have been able to get that episode out of our heads, and the guy who made that episode (whose name I will not be disclosing for privacy's sake) is currently serving jail time for indecent exposure. Hopefully, that's the last we've heard of him.
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