The Gdansk Trip
Hi, my name is what. I'm here to tell you about my horrifying experience in Danzig, also known as the Polish NYC, except not called NYC, not nearly as big, and not in NY.
I flew out to visit my cousin Wydyslaw, the last of the Piast. I bought my plane ticket at the airport, and walked to the Terminal. I didn't notice it, but behind me the airport lady turned into a Skeletal Airport lady! This does not scare me, as an avid thanker I know Mr Skeltal protects me.
On the flight, I dreamt of spokes and gourds. I was riding my bicycle along the rode when a Dutchmen wearing an alternative rock shirt jumped out at me! I quickly awoke to find a Dutchman complaining to a stewardess that some omnipresent first person voice was narrating events in the past tense. Those crazy Dutch!
Shortly thereafter, I arrived in the land of the poles. It was stripper season. As I navigated my way across the mess of metal columns distributed throughout the courtyard, I heard it. A great Tood throughout the sky! I fell asleep and kept walking to my cousin's house.
I awoke in a deep, dank alley. The air was sultry, hot and wet. The commodity was palpable- it condensed in rust all over my bloodstream. But nothing could prepare my calcium for what was about to come.
Above me, a man looked down. He began to speak a mess of consonants and bizarre intonations. Clearly, he was possessed! I knew know what had happened.
The great Tood as the train left. This demon man confusedly, menacingly, standing above me. I was in ANTISKELTALAND! I ran out into the bright street and accosted a nearby pedostrain, "What's the quickest way out of here?"
He too spoke in a devilish mix of cs and zs. I needed to escape. I knew only one way out- I needed to cross antiskeltalland and get to Skellarus, or Eskellia. It was the only way.
I charted a small boat from a nearby fishing village. Having drawn up the boat in every proportion, I asked the owner if I could pay him to transport me out of Proland. But he too, was possessed!
I dived into the small fishing lake, and swam for the other side. I saw a giant black line in the dirt that said "Girder. Do not cross." I stepped onto it, and blacked out.
I woke up in an old Jaguar, surrounded by mysterious hooded figures. "We are the Ghosts of Soviets Past" said the main hoodee. "Have you adopted state atheism as your religion, and accepted the ways of practical architecture?"
I couldn't deny my faith in Mr Skeltal. I thanked with all heart, and stood up.
"NO. YOU FUCCBOIS HAVE SINNED AGAINST THE BONERLORD. MAY HELL RAIN UPON YOU!"
Mr Skeltal filled my bones with rage as I shivved the keys into the Jaguar. The Jaguar gave a mighty growl, and with a leap, took off!
I rode my animal friend all the way to Skelerus, where I flew back to Flo rida. He congratulated me on defeating the Ghoviets. The people of Eastern Europe were saved. Unfortunately, Jaguars are pretty slow, so its taken me 22 years or so to get back to tell you all this.
Flo rida bestowed upon me the extreme medal of unhandleosity. I have reached Skellightenment. Any questions?
Credited to IQuoteRelevantSongs
Originally uploaded on December 10, 2015
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