The Greatest Trollpasta Ever
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NSFW WARNING
This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. |
Chapter 1
It all started on a monday afternoon. I was in my bedroom playing this weird Pokemon game entitled 'Pokemon Death Version 666' that was given to me for free by some weird guy in a garage sale. Anyway, after about two hours (according to my stopwatch) I got bored of the game and proceeded to surf the Internet on my computer. I then began to masturbate to this sexy erotic fan fiction I wrote that I posted on my Devianart page featuring Mario, Captain Falcon, John McClane, Solid Snake, Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs, Goku, Big Macintosh, Lord Zedd from Power Rangers, Colonel Sanders, Squidward Tentacles, Professor Oak, Batman, Stan Pines from Gravity Falls and several famous creepypasta characters such as Sonic.exe, Slenderman, Tails Doll, Happy Appy, and the Rake. "Oh fuck yeah!" I shouted, as I stroked my tiny garden hose back and fourth with erotic passion. Just when I was about to finish, all of a sudden Laughing Jack burst through my window with an evil smile on his face. However, his face quickly turned into disgust as he saw my little tank sticking out into the air.
"Would you like to take my virginity and lick my pink helmet cutie?" I said to him.
Laughing Jack replied in disgust, "What? Hell no. I'm here to kill you. Now put some pants on you freak."
"But aren't you a psychotic killer? Come on, you can do anything you want with my body. No one will ever have know." I rebutted.
Laughing Jack said, "I may be crazy in the head but I do have my standards. Now put your pants on so that your death won't be so awkward."
But before Laughing Jack can lay a finger on me, all of a sudden I heard a flashing sound and before I knew what was happening a Delorean crahed into my room hitting Laughing Jack and killing him instantly in a hyper-realisitc fashion. The door of the Delorean opened up and it was Doc Brown and Marty McFly in the car.
"Get in the car and pull your pants up. The world needs you!" yelled Doc Brown.
"This is just like my sexy fan fiction!" I yelled like a fangirl.
I was in the car and as the car pulled out from my damaged room, we went 88 miles per hour in midair and went to the year 3000 where a battle of apocalyptic proportions would soon take place.
Chapter 2
The Delorean landed on a battle arena. I steped out of the car where I was greated by Mr. Clean, the Nostalgia Critic, Dex Dogtective from Foodfight, Avatar Kyoshi, Elvis Presley, and Bugs Bunny. Doc Brown and Marty McFly headed out to find shelter because they knew this battle would be big. Me and my team waited exactly five hours (I had my stopwatch with me) for our opponent to show up....or should we say opponents. Our opponents are Red from the NES Godzilla creepypasta and Kim Jong-un who was riding on top of Red like a cowboy on a horse.
"It's time." said Avatar Kyoshi in a badass manner.
Red roared like the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park while Kim Jong-un held on to the mighty beast so that he wouldn't fall off of Red.
Red and Kim Jong-un charged at us like an elephant on a stampede. Elvis used his rock and roll to pacify the beast.
"Ok Red, here's a song I know you'll love." said Elvis.
Elvis then pulled out his guitar began to sing Promised Land but little did Elvis knew is that Red hated rock and roll and it only made him angrier. Red then knocked Elvis off his feet by swinging his tail to Elvis. But Elvis somehow survived this attack and continued to sing like nothing happened.
The Nostalgia Critic then tried to distract Red by calling him the worst thing to ever happen to the horror genre since Edward Cullens from Twilight. Red was not amused and he fired a laser from his mouth to the Nostalgia Critic but then Avatar Kyoshi came to his rescue and blocked Red's attack with her hyper-realistic Avatar state powers. Kyoshi redirected Red's attack which knocked Kim Jong-un off of Red's back. Kyoshi then went for the kill and charged at Kim Jong-un right to his heart. But then Kim Jong-un ripped off his shirt which exposed his big belly. As Kyoshi attacked Kim Jong-un, she bounced off Kim Jong-un's legendary Buddha belly and landed on the ground. (Goddamn Kyoshi, you're like the worst Avatar ever. Am I right guys?)
Anyway, Bugs Bunny began to insult Kim Jong-un by making fun of his weight,"Hey mac, you need to drink some Slim-fast and eat some carrots if you don't want to keep looking like Rosie O'Donnell."
But Kim Jong-un was too edgy to care. Dex Dogtective then came to aid Bugs Bunny as Dex uses his facepalm worthy puns to insult Kim Jong-un.
"Am I fighting a human or a watermellon?" said Dex.
But Kim Jong-un did a galick gun and knocked off both Bugs Bunny and Dex Dogtective off the arena.
Just when things were going sour , Mr.Clean came in and striped naked in front of Red.
"Naked bald men, my greatest weakness." said Red as he was aroused by Mr. Clean's sexy naked body.
Mr. Clean then used his waterbending (yes Mr. Clean is a waterbender, deal with it) and covered Red's body in ice which eventually killed off Red.
As Red was beginning to die from being in the ice, his head broke free and said his final words, "Even though this is a pretty crappy way to go out, seeing a bald man's naked body was totally worth it."
After Red died the only opponent left was Kim Jong-un. And what did I do the whole time during the first half of the fight? I was too busy masturbating because this battle is so hot.
Chapter 3
My team were giving all of their strength to fight Kim Jong-un. As I was standing there doing nothing when Marty McFly began yelling in the distance saying, "Hey, get out there and fight you pansy!" For some reason you can't disobey a guy wearing an orange life jacket. Anyway, I steped into the arena and got my team to come together and discuss our game plan.
We then got into position, Mr. Clean, the Nostalgia Critic, Avatar Kyoshi, Elvis Presley, Dex Dogtective, and Bugs Bunny began to summon the ninjazords from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
Mr. Clean: "Black Frog Ninjazord, power up!"
Nostalgia Critic: "Blue Wolf Ninjazord, power up!"
Avatar Kyoshi: "Yellow Bear Ninjazord, power up!"
Elvis Presley: "Pink Crane Ninjazord, power up!"
Dex Dogtective: "Red Ape Ninjazord, power up!"
Bugs Bunny: "White Ninja Falconzord, powerup!"
As they summoned the hyper-realistic ninjazords, the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme song played in the background as the ninjazords fused into the Ninja Megazord which took about five minutes and twelve seconds (according to my stopwatch).
As my team got into formation, I put my right hand in the air and yelled out "Moon Prism Power!" and as I transformed into Sailor Moon the song Fly Away from the Panty & Stocking with Ganterbelt anime played in the background as I danced like a stripper during my transformation. My sexy hyper-realisitc transformation took about five minutes according to my stopwatch.
We then faced off Kim Jong-un in the arena. I distracted Kim Jong-un by arousing him with my sexy Sailor Moon mini skirt. I began to tease Kim jong-un by slowly taking off my miniskirt just enough to expose my cute white ass. I prayed to Shrek that my trick would work. It did.
"Hey cutie, do you want to fool around?" I said.
This gave Kim Jong-un an erection.
However, Kim Jong-un's perverted nature quickly betrayed him as the Ninja Megazord attacked him and left him in a very critical state of weakness.
I then pulled my skirt up and I reached for my tiara on my head.
I then threw the tiara and yelled, "Moon Tiara Magic!"
This then turned the weakened Kim Jong-un into dust and just like that the battle was over.
Sure the battle may have been anti-climatic. But it was anti-climatic in a very sexy fashion.
Chapter 4
After the battle, Mr. Clean, Avatar Kyoshi, the Nostalgia Critic, Dex Dogtective, Bugs Bunny, and Elvis Presley came to congratulate me on my work. I told my last goodbyes to my team of heroes before I went back to my own time in the Delorean. Doc Brown and Marty dropped me off by my house (still damaged from before).
Still in my Sailor Moon costume, I decided to sleep in the living room for the night. Anyway, I then went to the computer in my living room and went to watch some porn so I can fap myself to sleep.
The next morning, I went to play the cursed Pokemon game and beat it. I got bored and decided to fap to some of my fan fiction on Devianart. Five hours later (courtesy of my convinent stopwatch) a letter came for me in the mail.
This is what the letter read:
Dear freakish pervert,
If you think I'm gone then guess again. I'm still here. Believe it or not I actually survived being hit by that random flying car. Anyways, I'll come back to finish the job and this time keep your goddamn pants up. I don't want to see your flag raising up the next time we meet face to face. Also, make sure your refrigerator is stocked with beer because I can get thirsty at times.
Signed,
Laughing Jack.
P.S I wrote this with a red pen because red is super scary like blood.
I don't really mind to be honest. At least I can fool around with my new butt buddy when he comes back.
Epilogue
So anyway I don't know if anyone else experience something like this before. But you guys got to beleive me that this all happned! Anyways, I'm going to write an erotic lesbian fan fiction featuring Wonder Woman, Princess Daisy, Avatar Korra, Amy Rose, Ada Wong, Twilight Sparkle, Chun Li, Princess Peach, Mrs. Puff and Jessica Rabbit in which I will post my erotic lesbian fan ficiton on Tumblr. Oh and then a skeleton popped out.
Peace out guys!
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