The Horror of the Burger King Jingle

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My name is Ryuko Matoi and I'm a huge fan of Fast Food. McDonalds, Wendy's, and KFC are all personal Heavens for me, but my favorite restaurant has gotta be Burger King. I consider Burger King to be the one true Heaven where you go after you die, or at least I used to think that, but after the experience I had, I don't think I want to ever eat there ever again.

It was just a normal day down in Bumblyburg. I was currently sitting in my car, eating the most sacred of all delicacies, the Whopper.

"MMMMMM, this Whopper is the Whopper to end all Whoppers" I said happily.

As I ate my delicious food, I heard a song on the radio. It was a catchy little jingle which ended with the slogan "at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

I thought it was a decent little song, but didn't think it was much to snuff at. I quickly forgot about the jingle and continued eating my whopper without a care in the world.

This was a huge mistake.

After I finished my Whopper, I decided to go to work. I drove away and hit a few homeless people along the way.

Once I entered the abortion clinic (I work at an abortion clinic by the way), I put on my hospital garb and prepared to perform some totally tubular abortions.

I entered the operating room and prepared to greet my patient, Nonon Jakazure, with the promise of a fantastically stylish abortion.

I put on a backwards hat, sunglasses, and began drinking a can of Surge Soda as I said "yo yo yo, are you ready to have a super radical abortion broski?"

What Nonon said next shocked me to my very core.

Instead of nodding her head and saying yes like a good abortion client, she just opened her mouth and said "Whopper whopper whopper whopper, at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

I was taken off guard. Why would she sing the jingle to Burger King when we're not even near a restaurant? I then decided that it was just a glitch in the Matrix and performed the abortion on her.

I pulled out my abortionzooka and said "this may sting a bit" before shooting Nonon with it. A gigantic explosion shook the entire building and fire entered Nonon's body like nobody's business.

As her charred corpse fell to the ground, I stuck out my hand and said "that will be 500 dollars."

....

After I finished my workday at the hospital, I prepared to go home, but before I did, I waved goodbye to my boss, Mako Makanshoku, and said "have a nice day."

Mako opened her mouth and said "at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

I was taken aback by that response. I was about to respond, but then I just figured that she had Aspergers or some shit like that, so I got in my car and began driving home.

I turned on the radio and luckily, they were playing music by my favorite band, Motley Crue, but instead of one of their usual songs, they just began singing "nuggets nuggets nuggets nuggets, at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

Now I knew something was up. Why would Motley Crue sing about Burger King? This had to be investigated further.

I began turning the radio to different stations, but no matter where I turned it to, all I heard was "at BK, have it your way, you rule!" and it was beginning to drive me so mad that I began ripping off patches of my skin and replacing them with fruit roll ups.

Finally, I'd had enough and decided to go see a therapist about this.

I arrived at the building and sat down with my therapist, Satsuki Kiryuin, in an attempt to see if I was going mad or not.

I said to her "Satsuki, I need help. Everywhere I look, people are singing the Burger King Jingle and its driving me nuts. What do you think I should do?"

Satsuki thought for a second before saying "Whopper, chicken, whopper, chicken, at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

I immediately pulled out my scissor blade and chopped Satsuki's head off, releasing a geyser of blood from where her head used to be.

"You're a buttface" I said before an explosion went off behind me to illustrate my coolness.

I then opened the door and walked out of the building in style and grace. As I was making my way to my car, I was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled into a dark alley.

Standing in front of me, breathing heavily, was Kermit the Frog.

I said to Kermit "what do you want with me?"

Kermit just said "at BK, have it your way, you rule!"

"What a surprise" I said.

Kermit the Frog then pinned me down to the ground and we fucked for 30 minutes straight. I was bored out of my mind for the entire thing, but luckily I had my Game Boy, so I was able to play some Kirby throughout all of this tediousness.

Eventually, he ejaculated a stream of strawberry syrup into me before turning into a Pop-Tart and flying away.

I then put my hand on my belly and felt a small kick come from there.

The puppet got me pregnant!

Soon, several days had passed and the BK curse seemed to be pretty much gone. Things were progressing normally and soon, I was at the hospital, giving birth to my baby.

The process involved a lot of yelling, screaming, and a surprising amount of yodeling, but eventually, my baby had been born.

The doctors asked me if I wanted to see my child and I said "fuck yeah" while munching on several Pixie Stix.

I smiled as I held onto its little body, but my motherly warmth soon turned to horror as I looked into its eyes and found myself staring face to face with a BK Whopper!

All the doctors clapped while chanting "at BK, have it your way, you rule" while I cried tears of nacho cheese.

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