The Loch Ness Encounter
It happened only 6 years ago. I was a happily married man living in a Scottish manor. I worked as a bacon inspector so I was rich. One day, my wife said she really wanted to visit Scotland's most famous river, the Loch Ness. I agreed reluctantly because I had to make a presentation on the quality of fine Swahili and Portuguese bacon and which methods of slaughter guarantee the highest quality bacon. However, I loved my wife a lot, so I agreed.
So we rented a boat and went out onto the river. It was very romantic. We rowed our boat for about three hours until we saw it. It was another boat slowly approaching ours.
I brought out my 69,000 dollar telescope made of 21 carat gold and lined with pure rubies and emeralds. Using this telescope, I looked at the boat. What I saw shocked me.
The boat was being driven by a sp00ky scary skeleton with a huge baseball cap and a cucumber up it's arse. It took out a sniper rifle and shot my wife. I pulled out my deluxe limited edition WWII German Luger with a silencer and diamond-encrusted bullets that cost 400,000 dollars to fire for 12 seconds. With my gun, I shot the skeleton but nothing happened. The skeleton farted and sent himself flying towards my boat. He got on my boat.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!", I screamed.
The skeleton looked at me and said, "I need about tree fiddy".
It was about time that I noticed that this skeleton was actually 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic era!
That goddamn Loch Ness Monster had tricked me again!
Originally uploaded on March 20, 2015
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